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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

my 2 year old IS normal (isn't he?.....)

23 replies

alilang · 09/02/2008 16:46

My little boy, who is 2.1 years old was playing with his bucket and spade in the sandpit at the local playground this morning. Without warning, he hit a little girl, (who was about 6), on the back of her jacket. Not hard, but that?s not the point is it? I told him off (no hitting!), but the little girl?s mother really went off on one about it. ?That?s very aggressive isn?t it?? she said really snottily.

I said, apologetically, ?I?m sorry, but he is only 2, he didn?t mean anything?. And she replied, ?Well, if he?s only 2, I dread to think what he will be like when he?s 5!? And she went on and on about him having to apologise to her daughter. So, I picked him up and made him say sorry (which he can?t say in English anyway? he?s half French and bilingual), so he kept saying ?pardon, pardon? in his little baby voice, and it just really upset me.

I know he shouldn?t hit ? and I?m teaching him as best I can not to - but did she have to be such a bitch about it? I felt like everyone was judging me. Aaargh - I need to be less sensitive. I know my little boy is a sweetheart and he?s usually very gentle. All toddlers do the random hits, right?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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mumzyof2 · 09/02/2008 16:47

Ignore her.

Kids do these things, and to pick on them about it doesnt help the matter. You should have hit her with the spade! ....Just kidding, before anyone has a rant at me!

ChasingSquirrels · 09/02/2008 16:48

no, not ALL, but LOTS do - and it's not odd at all.
You told him he shouldn't do it, pretty much end of.
Would like to see someone get my 24mo to apologise, he doesn't speak - and strokes someone to say sorry, I am guessing she wouldn't have liked her daughter being stroked either!
Forget it - she isn't worth upsetting yourself about.

Egg · 09/02/2008 16:49

Mine is nearly 2 and does the same thing sometimes. And we were in a shop the other day and a little girl was crying and my DS went over to her all concerned and she tried to hit him, it's something loads of them do as far as I know. Esp if it is only occasional and not meant in an evil way!

Your DS sounds a lot more normal than the woman at the park...

Bless him saying "pardon pardon"... made me smile to think of it .

duchesse · 09/02/2008 16:49

She was being rather bitchy. A bit hovery if you ask me. All 2 yr olds do things like that sometimes. You did exactly the right thing by telling him no, she was just ranting and weird. Have to feel sorry for her little girl, really.

RubberDuck · 09/02/2008 16:50

Good god yes, perfectly normal.

I suspect the 6 year old is a first child who didn't have that trait when she was a toddler.

Brush it off, don't let her upset you.

mustsleep · 09/02/2008 16:50

omg that woman needs to climb out of her own arse!!!!

Bluebutterfly · 09/02/2008 16:57

Silly woman. I once had that happen with ds and I made the mistake of saying that I was really sorry but that he was only 2 (I only said that because I wanted to let her know that it was because he simply didn't know any better, YET!). The lady seemed to think I was saying it to justify hitting, or something, because she started banging on about how age had nothing to do with it and it was completely out of order that I was defending him (um, ok then, if it is not an "age thing" and I clearly condone hitting why the hell haven't I smacked you yet then, you silly bint, did enter my head ).

From then on, I just kept an extra eye on ds, remembered to always make him apologise and as soon as he started hitting I made sure I said very loudly "no, ds, HITTING IS WRONG" before removing him from the scene of his crime. A year later and he hardly ever hits. It is a phase, it is normal, but unfortunately all the judgey folk love to use it to their advantage: you have my sympathy.

Original poster

alilang · 09/02/2008 17:34

Oh, thank you. It is amazing how easily criticism of my child gets to me. It is as though the filter that I normally use with the world just ups and disappears....
I'm very grateful for your replies!

OP posts:

Egg · 09/02/2008 18:43

Similar thing the other day in ELC when DS threw a plastic hollow ball across the floor (low level, not at head height even for a toddler) and it landed fairly near a lady's feet. I said immediately "no DS no throwing in here" AND apologised to her thinking she would say "oh don't worry" or something but she was tutting and giving me filthy looks as she dragged her own toddler out.

Made me wonder briefly if mine was the worst behaved small child in the world, then I realised she was a FREAK.

Sunshinemummy · 09/02/2008 18:51

Totally normal. She sounds a nightmare.

funnypeculiar · 09/02/2008 18:55

dd is 2 and spends most of her life randomly hitting people - he's totally normal (although not all toddlers do it - ds didn't) and you're totally normal for feeling picked on by some stroppy moo.
That said, dd will always say 'sorry'. Very much doubt she really has a clue what she's saying (other than she knows it gets me off her back ) but it seems to calm other mothers down!

Nina2 · 09/02/2008 18:55

I often wonder whether gender plays a part in a parent's reaction to these things. My ds is only 14 months, but I've noticed a difference between parents' reactions when he takes a toy or hits out at a boy or a girl. If it's ds versus another boy, the other parent often shrugs it off as 'just toddlers' but if it's ds versus girl, I'm more likely to get the sort of comments or looks you're taking about. Ds is still too young to spot the difference, it's just someone who has the toy he wants.

Just my experience, no social conclusions being drawn .

belle74 · 09/02/2008 20:56

Oh Alilang reading your post made me feel a bit sad......

The attitude of thi woman is beyond ridiculous, your little lad is just a tot, he has such a lot to learn and it is a sad reflection of our bloody society that even tinies are expected to'know it all'. At this age do kids even have a developed concept of their actions affecting others?

Of course its right to explain that 'hitting is wrong' and maybe introducing the concept of saying sorry but to make sucha massive ridiculous drama out of it....I suspect the girls mum may have issues of her own...

I think you dealt with this extremely calmly, if she had gone on like that to me I would have blown a gasket!!!

This week at nursery my little lad who is 17mo has been knocked down by another child and bitten by another child, not great but hey this is how children LEARN,and he is not made of china!! I bear no malice toward the other kids for gods sakes!

madamez · 09/02/2008 21:00

LOADS of toddlers hit, and bite - in most cases it's curiousity as much as anything. (what will happen if I do this?)If it's not that it's temper or frustration, they are not old enough to articulate that they are cross. It doesn;tn;lt mean you should ignore it, but it doesn't mean you've hatched a future axe murderer either.

BellaDonna79 · 10/02/2008 09:59

I actually feel sorry for the 6y/o's mummy, she's probably going around thinking her dd is surrounded by thugs and psychopaths...
In hindshight my dd1 was an abnormally well behaved toddler and I guess I could have sometimes thought other toddlers were being too rough when they were just playing, well along came the twins and OMG, I spent what seemed like every waking minute apologising for their actions for about 6months - they are now happy well adjusted, gentle children of nearly 6, not the pround owners of baby asbos

fym · 10/02/2008 10:04

it may be a bit of a boy / girl thing as well - I find mums with DD's aren't so used to little boys (climbing, running, hitting etc)

Yes tell him off cos he needs to know its wrong but that was OTT from the other mum!

Also agree - don't ever excuse due to age it only ever bring back a "well they need to learn" response in my experience!

booge · 10/02/2008 10:23

Totally normal, my DD did this at a party the other day and she's not 18 months yet.

Nemoandthefishes · 10/02/2008 10:25

completely normal dd1 is 2.1yrs aswell and will hit out completely unprovoked..usually goes with shouting go away

annoyingdevil · 10/02/2008 10:30

This works the other way too. My dd was recently pushed over by a toddler boy and the mother just looked at me, raised her eyes and said 'boys'. So already she's giving her son the message that this behavour is acceptable for boys.

My dd went through a pushing phase when she was younger, but I always made her apologise and removed her from the room if necessary.

and at the idea that girls don't climb, run or hit

laughalot · 10/02/2008 11:15

Why dident you hit the girls mum with the spade . Ignore her it a part of growing up you recongnised he had done something wrong and you did something about it. One tip it gets worse as they get bigger .

vInTaGeVioLeT · 10/02/2008 11:32

i'd of told the mum to feck off and get over herself - in french

well i wouldn't of 'cause i don't talk french but you know what i mean!!!

deaconblue · 10/02/2008 13:32

how annoying. you did the right thing by telling him not to hit, that should have been enough for the mother. I've started making ds say sorry recently but I'm convinced he hasn't got a clue what it means and tbh I only do it because friends do with their 2 year olds and I feel bad if I don't. Snotty woman was probably having a bad day

lollipopmother · 11/02/2008 11:57

I would definitely have told the woman to p*ss off under no uncertain terms, how dare she lecture you just because she's got a rod stuck up her ass! Kids will be kids, as long as you do as you did and make him aware that he shouldn't do it that is where he'll learn.

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