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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS Swearing in school... Have had the CHAT from his teacher...

12 replies

GrumpyMoo · 04/02/2008 16:55

Please please can anyone help me here?? My son's teacher pulled me aside this afternoon to tell me that he (my son not the teacher!) has been using really bad swear words in his school work and to other kids and in the playground.

I am at my wits end. I don't want him to become one of those hoodie swearing, spitting lads you see all the time. He just laughs and says it's funny.

I don't swear ( did once at a car that tried to run us off the road, but apologised profusely to the kids and explained that while I had sworn it was out of fear) so I don't really know what to do here.

I have canceled having his friend over this week, and his teacher and I are going to communicate everyday on how he has behaved, or not.lol

but apart from that I'm at a loss. I am a single mum, so have no OH to turn to in the immediate sense. But I will be telling his dad tonight. Not that he will do much, probably just grunt and ask what i expect him to do about it!

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cornsilk · 04/02/2008 16:58

Sounds like you're being sensible about it. Don't know how old your ds is but IME most upper junior children know about swear words, however not all children have the maturity to know not to use them. Also it's possible he may be being egged on by his peers.

Original poster

GrumpyMoo · 04/02/2008 17:03

Hi cornsilk. He is 9. And it is his attitude about it that worries me the most. His laughing and saying it is funny.

I mean he came up to me in the playground this afternoon grinning and jumping about. Then his teacher appeared behind him and he looked a little sheepish, but when his teacher asked him to tell me what he'd done all he did was laugh. Not nervous laugh, I think, but more of a I don't care anymore laugh.

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Original poster

GrumpyMoo · 04/02/2008 17:09

I just don't know how to handle it. I've told him it isn't acceptable, that it's just not nice.

I don't know how much of it is attention seeking or whether he really feels it's funny to say such horrible things.

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Twiglett · 04/02/2008 17:11

well I'd remove television or anything else he cares about until he learns the difference between knowing the words and using them

Original poster

GrumpyMoo · 04/02/2008 17:13

I've banned him from his nintendo ds for a month, but should I allow him to try and earn these priveledges back?

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Twiglett · 04/02/2008 17:16

well I would personally ...

tell him that he can earn it back by behaving the way he knows he should .. have an open talk (in front of him) with teacher at the end of each day ... at 9 I think I'd probably set about 3 - 5 days (maybe from now to end of week) to earn DS privilege at weekend

TheFallenMadonna · 04/02/2008 17:16

A month is such a long timescale.

If you're getting daily updates from his teacher, you could do it day by day couldn't you? More immediate.

elfsmum · 04/02/2008 17:18

My Ds's school takes swearing very seriously, it has to be heard by an adult, and if this is the case it's a visit to the head teacher, for both of us.

I can remember being this age and a lot of kids swearing just the parents didn't know about it.

Have caught my DS swearing he's nearly 8 - saying "shit" if he can't do something

have told him it's unacceptable, he says all the kids swear, and he has a wicked glint in his eye when he asks if I want to know all of the swear words he knows

anyway I digress - he's told it's unacceptable, and only stupid people use them, he is much more intelligent and I'm sure he can think of other words - really playing on the intelligence bit

that said, if I hear him using them again he will have his PS2 withdrawn and that will be for starters

if he's using them in his school work, I'd want to see what he's been saying and in what context, I know mine pick up things like "holy cow", and "damn it" from TV have just had to tell them they are not cartoons and you don't repeat those things in real life

it might not be as hard core as you think, "f*ck" etc, and knowing what he's saying might point you to the programmes that need to be banned

LadyVictorianSqualor · 04/02/2008 17:19

Do you know what he said in in what context?

When I swore at school lines made me think twice, maybe ask the teacher to note down any swear words he says and make him do lines when he gets home?

Might sound old fashioned but it works.

Original poster

GrumpyMoo · 04/02/2008 19:33

Hi,and thanks everyone,

I told him that he could earn his priveleges back by good behaviour. I'd said a month initially because I wanted him to understand that this is a big deal.

He was putting the F word into his school work and shouting it in the playground. When he was asked to write out a conversation that two people in a supermarket were having over who got the last item of whatever it was and he put down something like" It's my cheese", "no it isn't it's my cheese you f###ing bas###d" that got him a 'time out' on the day but it all came to a head today when one of his classmates told his teacher that he had told some one that he was a " f##king d#ck".

It was only at this point that the school thought to tell me what had been going on.

I have agreed to talk to his teacher everyday to see how his behaviour has been during the day. I have used as many sanctions at home as I can think of to get it through to him that this is unacceptable and that he must not do it.

He cannot have his nintendo DS back till next week and cannot have friends over or go to friends houses, and he won't get sweets this Friday ( a huge deal to him, more so than removing the DS) and if after a week he has shown remorse and better behaviour then he will have the treats back on a day to day basis. Sort of like a trial run.

Hopefully he will want the treats back enough to make him realise that he cannot go around calling people horrible names or using language which he is just too young to understand.

It's so frustrating, cos he knows how I feel about the sort of people that generally use these words as part of everyday conversation, and he himself has said that they are not nice to hear.

Sigh, I suppose it's all up to him now. It's so hard not to feel like he is punishing me for not being with his dad anymore. Maybe he feels he just doesn't get enough attention, being the middle of 3?

Well anyway, I'd like to thank tyou all for being so kind and helpful,

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LadyVictorianSqualor · 04/02/2008 19:42

Has he been playing games or watching DVD's at yours or a friends house in which he would hear that kind of langauage? I doubt it's unusual for kids of his age to know it tbh, and it could be a lot worse, the kids visiting their grandparents two doors away from me the otehr day were in the front garden calling each other fucking cunts They were about 7.

Original poster

GrumpyMoo · 04/02/2008 20:24

Blimey that is bad LVS! Perhaps I shouldn't be that worried. Maybe this is just a phase and he will get through it.

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