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Original poster

Having held it together for 45 minutes I just lost it

75 replies

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/01/2008 18:11

I am so bloody mad at myself. DS1 has been a little sod for the last hour or so and I have stayed calm and told him what would happen if he didn't do as I asked, I have ignored him when he said he didn't care and now I have just smacked him across the head. Completely unjustified as smacking never is (unless in a dangerous situation) and my husband is going to be really p off with me. He is nearly 7.

Don't know why I posted. Just needed to tell someone.

Don't need millions of people telling me I did wrong. I already know I did.

Why is it they behave like this when you feel like they have had special time?

I really want to go up and apologise.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 30/01/2008 18:12

Go on up and give him a hug. Apologise for smacking him but explain how much her upset you/made you angry.

Try to ignore anyone on here who is holier-than-thou! We all lose our rags occassionally!

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/01/2008 18:17

Just been up. He was in bed but not crying. That lasted about a minute.

I apologised, said I shouldn't have done it and said his behaviour was unacceptable. We both apologised to each other and he picked up his brother's kitchen he had thrown around the room.

OP posts:
bobbysmum07 · 30/01/2008 18:21

I wouldn't apologise and I wouldn't feel particularly guilty either if I were you.

I'm sure you haven't done him any lasting damage. He'll get over it, and maybe think twice before driving you mad again.

I'd be nice to him by all means, but I wouldn't apologise.

Saturn74 · 30/01/2008 18:22

It's good that you've apologised to each other.

CaptainCod · 30/01/2008 18:22

the head is bad.

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/01/2008 18:23

I am so bloody mad with myself.

I had held it together so long as I knew he was trying to wind me up.

It wasn't a conscious decision to smack him. I guess that makes it worse.

OP posts:
constancereader · 30/01/2008 18:27

Don't worry - you have done absolutely the right thing by apologising.

I screamed at mine to go to **ing sleep last night. Not my most productive moment

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/01/2008 18:53

Trying hard not to cry.

Payback - I hurt myself more than him.

Dh home and has just gone up to see him and talk to him.

OP posts:
donnie · 30/01/2008 18:55

don't neat yourself up NAB - we all lose our temper . It's not like you do it regularly is it? he won't remember it, in the scheme of things.

donnie · 30/01/2008 18:56

Beat, even!

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/01/2008 18:57

He will remember. He always does remember the bad stuff.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 30/01/2008 19:49

NAB, it really does sound like you are having a tough time of things. Do you have a homestart in your area - it sounds like you have so much on your plate. Do give them a ring, they are there to help and not to judge.

I hate the anti smacking brigade, if you could feel ok about giving him a measured slap across the back of the legs, you wouldnt have got to the point where you lost it and slapped him around the head. You are a good parent, if you werent, you wouldnt feel bad - dont beat yourself up over it, there does appear to be a problem with you and your son. Is he particularly difficult? Maybe you could use some family therapy or something, help restore the balance. Its nothing to be ashamed of, asking for help you know.

lucyellensmum · 30/01/2008 19:52

I do feel you need some help with your little lad you know, the more i think about it. It is a relationship, and it seems to be in trouble. You need to get through this. I found my eldest DD difficult to deal with, we clashed all the time. I didnt get help with it, i didnt make things better. She has left home now and i hardly see her If i had someone to help us communicate with each other i am sure we would be much closer now.

Smamfa · 30/01/2008 19:55

But you handled the apology part really well. We all loose our temper and children need to learn how to handle themselves afterwards. Sounds like you both did that bit really well.

My DS is also 7. He drives me up the pole and down the other side sometimes.

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/01/2008 20:04

It was just the part I made contact with. It could just have easily have been his arm.

I am just so bloody frustrated as I had stayed calm and ti came out of nowhere.

I am shattered.

OP posts:
lljkk · 30/01/2008 20:12

Sometimes I think it's a good thing if we sometimes do the wrong thing and then make amends.
Because then we show our children
...how to make amends.
That we are human.
That we believe in making amends to whoever we've wronged, that even our children deserve that much respect.
That we aren't afraid to admit it when we're wrong.
That we expect them to forgive us, and to still love us in spite of our mistakes.

Which is why we still love them in spite of their mistakes. And all the rest is modelling how to fix our bad mistakes, which is exactly what our children need to learn to do, too.

Not that we should deliberately go out and get stuff wrong! But we can turn out mistakes into learning/teaching opportunities for both sides, too.

Dixichik · 30/01/2008 20:20

Its a nice gesture telling him you are sorry. We are only human and everyone has their "snapping point".
I went to 6 free evening classes on managing kiddies challenging behaviour. It was run by my adult education centre and was really helpful.
I was worried about going 'cos I thought I would find it really patronising and condescending but it was really useful.
Would you consider going to something like that?

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/01/2008 20:21

I would but I know I need a lot more help than a few evenings.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 30/01/2008 21:02

it would be a start though, and put you in the right place to get some more help, should you need it. NAB, have you seen a doctor?

HonoriaGlossop · 30/01/2008 22:02

well a few evenings is a start

You clearly love your children like mad. But I think you need lots more strategies to help you deal with them so that you avoid this sort of thing in the future.

I'd also second lucyellen's question, have you seen a doctor? I would not jump in and say everyone who loses their temper with their kids is depressed but there doesn't seem a lot of fun or joy in the relationship you have with them, from what I've read on here. Perhaps that's just a skewed perception because only the bad stuff ends up on here. But if that's how it feels most of the time then maybe you could get some help from the GP?

HonoriaGlossop · 30/01/2008 22:03

and are you happy with the way your life is in general? Are you a SAHM? Is that what you want? Is your DH able to do more?

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 31/01/2008 07:51

I have been depressed for years and are on meds for it.

I am a SAHM. I love my kids so much I would die without them but tbh I could manage a few days without them at the moment.

This morning I woke at 5 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I was worried I had hurt DS1, I was worried how he would be with me and how the day was going to go.

He got up and it was all okay until his brother (only 2) tried to take some of his croissant and DS1 (aged nearly 7) pushed him off his chair on to the floor. I didn't know what to do so called DH and he said breakfast was over and to get ready for school. DS1 threw all the croissant on the floor and refused to go. Since then, he has been rude to us, refused to do as we asked, wrecked his bedroom, etc etc

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 31/01/2008 08:59

NAB. I don't have a six/seven year old so no advice I'm afraid, but I'm sure someone will be along shortly.

Definitely give your local HomeStart a call for some extra support.

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 31/01/2008 09:09

Thank goodness he is at school.

He was awful the whole time I was trying to get everyone ready, all the time in the car, while we were parked up he deliberately did the opposite of what I asked him but was lovely once one of his girl friends came over to him.

I am exhausted in every way and just feel like giving up tbh.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 31/01/2008 09:11

Don't give up. It sounds like he's testing his limits - as long as you and DH stand firm he'll give up eventually.