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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS nearly 4 and won't do a poo on the toilet!

13 replies

paddyclamp · 28/01/2008 15:25

I'm at the end of my tether. He's been dry for over 18 months during the day and has been dry at night too for a good few months.

He doesn't poo in his pants, he just asks for a pull up to go in. He tends to be v regular and usually goes in the evening so it's not like he ever asks to go at nursery or when we're out and about.

I figured it was best not to get stressed about it so i just let him get on with it, but never did i expect him to still be like this at nearly 4!

What should i do?!!!

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3andnomore · 28/01/2008 15:45

have you tried a stickerchart or bribery?

Original poster

paddyclamp · 28/01/2008 16:14

Yes and yes!!!!

It's as if he can't poo sitting down. We've had nights where he's sat on the potty or toilet for ages and he's tried to poo. Then as soon as he gets his pull up he goes and stands in a corner and does it.

DH thinks we should get firm with him but i'm not convinced

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3andnomore · 28/01/2008 16:19

hmm...my ms had that problem, although his was also a constipation issue, which your child doesn't seem to have...but a big issue seemed to be the whole sitting down to poop thing....
Basically,this is what we did in the end...and we are seeing some good improvement now
My son now sits in the morning and at night on the Toilet , we bought an eggtimer, so, he knows when his 5 or whatever minutes we set, are up...he knows he doesn't have to produce a bm everytime, but that it is about him sitting down at regular times, maybe giving his body a certain message...
might be worth trying.

Another thing that is meant to be helpful is, to let them blow Bubbles (Straw in a water glass, for instance)whilst sitting on the toilet...that uses the right muscles...

Original poster

paddyclamp · 28/01/2008 20:22

I've never heard of the bubbles thing before, i'll have to give that a try!

When he says he needs a poo i always say do you want to do it on the toilet but the answer is always that he wants a pull up. In fact quite often he just sorts himself out and gets the pull up himself.

I suppose up to now it's not really been as issue. DD is still in nappies and he's fully in control. But at his age it's getting embarassing (for me, not him, he doesn't seem at all bothered!)

OP posts:

kbaby · 28/01/2008 20:52

Horay someone with the same issue(sorry but it nice to find someone else)
DD is the same and is 3.5.
She has been dry day and night since 2.5 but will still only poo in a nappy, weve tried bribery, star charts, poo stories. None of them worked. I took her to the hv who said she has a problem with the thought of it being expelled from her!! I dont think this is her issue as if she does accidently poo while on the toilet she is so chuffed. She is constipated and takes 20 mins to go, so I think she just doesnt want to sit on a toilet for that long.
Weve tried not giving her a nappy and making her sit on the loo but she got upset held it in and wouldnt go at all.
I cant give you any advice sorry but just wanted to let you know your not alone.

3andnomore · 28/01/2008 21:10

paddy, learned about teh bubble blowing thing on mn It didn't work for us...but that was more due to the constipation etc...

kbaby, we did, at one point, leave ms sit a long time on the toilet, and it made things worse...but since we let him sit on twice a day for a maximum of 10 minutes (which is only if he is actually going for a poop) it got his body into a bit of a routine...we have certainly seen improvement, and ms is not as reluctant to sit on the toilet now, because he knows it's not forever...
Ms is on Movicol, btw...so, his poops are sloppy now...

kbaby · 28/01/2008 21:17

She has an appt with the gp next week to see if he can recommend something to get her moving

Nighbynight · 28/01/2008 22:08

We had a thread about this a few months ago. A mnetter called SittingBull recommended buying lots of cheap presents, wrapping them up and hanging them in a transparent plastic bucket near the ceiling of the bathroom...child gets a present every time s/he poos in the lavatory.

I promptly bribed dd (nearly 4) iwth promises of buying her a playmobil princess and IT WORKED!!
you have to show her the present and let her know that its waiting for her.

jollydo · 29/01/2008 21:45

Very pleased to find all these messages as my ds is just the same. No problem with constipation, he just refuses to sit on the loo. We tried a sticker chart a while ago and he would sit and try, but the novelty wore off quickly and he never did do a poo on the loo. He says he is scared to and if I try to persuade him he starts getting upset, so I haven't continued.
The presents in a bucket thing might be worth a try, he is always after a "treat." I have said i would get him a treat if he did a poo on the loo but seeing them might make the difference...worth a try.
Good luck to everyone!

choccypig · 29/01/2008 21:50

Do you have a step for the toilet?
My DS (now 7) still gets on much better if there is a really big step, actually its meant for a grown up to step on for high cupboards etc. The thing is, he "sits", but really he is squatting with his weight on his legs.

BigBlueHat · 30/01/2008 15:00

My DD is very nearly 5 and still won't poo in the loo. Its actually quite a common problem (although I think my DD is at the extreme end of the spectrum!)

She had huge problems with constipation which is what set the whole thing off. She is fearful of pooing because it has been painful in the past, even though its not painful now. The constipation is much better now. She sees a paediatrician who put her on increasing doses of senna. She was also on movicol for a while which works brilliantly.

I'm afraid I have no new suggestions as I feel like I've tried everything and nothing has worked. Sticker charts work well for some, as does bribery etc. We've been trying to get her to sit on the loo with her pull up on as a first step but that hasn't worked yet. I've tried being firm and just taking the nappies away, but that just made her completely hysterical and meant she didn't poo for days and days.

I've come to the conclusion that gently encouragement and lots of reassurance is the way forward. The doctor reassures me that she will do it in the right place eventually, but I have to wait for her to be ready. Hope it happens soon!

Original poster

paddyclamp · 30/01/2008 20:29

Reassuring to know that my DS is not the only one!

We've tried bribery, even bought a special car and showed it to him, said it was his if he pooed on the toilet. The car is still going dusty on top of the wardrobe!

Keep wondering if it was something i did or didn't do during potty training!?!

OP posts:

hedgepig · 30/01/2008 21:31

Paddy I think some kids just get hung up on the toilet for any particular reason. My son will do a poo on the loo but suffers constipation and may not go for 4 days . We are maing some progress but it is slow (he is 4 too)

I have read in a few places that getting the child to sit with the nappy/pull up on the loo is a good start to give them confidence. Then gradually work towards not using a nappy. If you were using a potty then you put the nappy in the bottom of the potty as a sort of target. However that may not be practical with a loo!!.

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