DS1 (3.4) had DH in tears tonight!!

[TheGoddessBlossom]

He has just been IMPOSSIBLE this weekend (DS1 that is not DH). Ask him 30 times to do something, then have to shout, he ignores, refuses, shouts, screams, throws a wobbly. Totally exhausting and frustrating, and by tonight Dh had had enough and really lost it with him, really shouted, put him to bed with no bath and no story, and DS1 cried himself to sleep. Dh felt so bad he was in tears himself!

We really are at a loss with what to do with him at the moment, he's always been boisterous and cheeky, but usually a few threats of withdrawal of toys or treats or a spell on the naughty step works. Not any more. He's been to a party today, been out on his bike, loads of fun, and still cannot do a BLOODY THING HE IS TOLD!!!!

What the hell ar we doing wrong??? Please tell me this is a phase.

yawning monster we do get meltdown as well and TBH I just carry on as if it is not happening.
For me to lead, physically guide dd to get something done it has to fall into my non-negotiable category like your situation of clean pants. If there has been an acciddent pants HAVE to be changed if dd refuses then I change them anyway ignore the meltdown which normally stops when or soon after the pant change. It sounds hard maybe but if it is something that NEEDS to be done it gets done regardless of the huge meltdown.

If it is not that important that something is done I either carry on trying to make it fun or not bother at all. You have to decided if the battle is worth it.

wow thanks to everyone's posts, really appreciate everyone's input.

replies:

I must admit my post relaying what got said to DS1 yesterday did read like a wheedling tone of voice, but I never do use pleading, begging, wheedling tones to my kids, I too am of the jolly bossy school of voice. But I suppose even that becomes white noise when it's just used over and over to no affect.

I often worry that DS1's personality is being squashed by inistence that he comply with a particular rule, not so much by me, but by DH more, and I do bring it up with him that we must make sure we don't do that, as he is such a character and so clever and sparky I would hate for that to happen. Agree that they must learn there own way and what buttons they can and can't press.

I am going to get that bloody book, have been meaning to for ages, getting from Amazon straight after this.

Of course this weekend has been exacerbated by the fact that I have no real voice at all through flu, but that's an aside.

Whoever said, concentrate on a few things at a time, like their behaviour at friend's houses and a few things at home - I understand the theory but if they can't behave at home, how will you ever expect them to behave anywhere else?

It's so hard isn't it - I think I'm quite a fun mum, but expect certain levels of behaviour from my kids. I know they are babies, but believe you have to set the yardstick at some point and work towards it. I have such high expectations but at the same time am terrified I am failing them.

Both were little rays of sunshine this morning, swung into the routine of a Monday like angels, no cross words, no defiance, love and laughter and kisses all round. I wonder if they prefer the routine of the week to the weekends? I know I do.

I understand the theory but if they can't behave at home, how will you ever expect them to behave anywhere else?

That is the thing it is like the old saying that your children eat better in other peoples houses. You have to believe in yourself enough as a parent to believe that you have instilled enough in them for them to know how to behave in other peoples houses.

My dd is 4 and can be a nighmare at home BUT I can take her anywhere with total confidence. They generally do behave better when other people are around anyway.
I think that rather than have a barrage of rules for them it is easier (on you mainly) to have as few non negotiables as possible and have the rest on a sliding scale of negociation.

Sometimes lowering those expectations and goingn along with your children sometimes is the way forward, if there are less hard and fast rules and more negociations they feel they have a bit of control back and the rest can fall into place. Teaching them these skills are just as important in the long term as learning to comply.