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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How do I get DS (nearly 20months) to listen to me???

21 replies

PussinJimmyChoos · 20/01/2008 19:54

I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall a lot of the time! There is nothing wrong with his hearing btw.

I'll tell him please leave the tv alone, no don't touch that/eat that etc and its not getting me anywhere! I've tried the 1,2,3 right ok you are being moved now and when I get to 3 and walk towards him, he giggles and thinks its a game!

I'm physically exhausted! Help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

soapbox · 20/01/2008 19:59

He is 20months old - just a baby.

You are not being realistic about what he is capable of at such a young age, so of course he thinks it is a game

Distraction works best at this age, so instead of telling him not to touch say 'Oh look what Mummy has here' in a very excited voice. Hopefully he'll take the bait

And yes, never getting your bottom on a chair is par for the course at this age!

bubblagirl · 20/01/2008 20:02

i would have to agree my ds didnt really listen at this age and use dto touch every thing it wasnt untill just after 2 he started paying more attention to do's and dont's i'd suggest keep things out his reach and maybe relax abit more around him his doing normal thimngs kids his age do

LadyOfWaffle · 20/01/2008 20:04

DS is 22 months and doesn't understand alot along those lines, but I always use just "no". If he is say slapping my face () I will say "no", then hold his hands and say no, eventually he gets it. It's better than expecting them understand many different phrases like "don't do that" "I told you no" "that's naughty" etc., all totally different.

JingleyJen · 20/01/2008 20:06

I would say that it is no harm in saying these things to him but don't expect a response.

make sure you aren't just ranting in the corner, stop what you are doing and get down on his level and explain that you don't want him to do it.

He isn't going to get it for a while, try to be forgiving

mrsruffallo · 20/01/2008 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 20/01/2008 20:26

Mmm..that's given me food for thought actually...I am very patient with him btw, but heard a nightmare story of a lo being killed by a tv falling on her and so I'm pretty rigid with the whole touching the TV thing, although not so much with anything else. However, I think yes, it is a game for him and just exhausting for me!

Will try distraction techniques in future - anything has to be better than hovering over armchair seat repeating in manner of parrot -away from the TV etc!!!

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 20/01/2008 20:31

It is strange how just one story like that can effect you so much eh?
You'll probably relax as he gets a bit older and can communicate more.
The only thing I have really drummed into him is not running into the road, as he had done this a few times and thought it was great fun!
He stops at the kerb now though!!!!

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 20/01/2008 20:33

I think I've got a bit caught up in the trying to instill good behaviour into him as well, when actually he's probably just too young really to go beyond the ta and please stage.....

Am cross with myself now as have just been making it harder than it needs to be!!!

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 20/01/2008 20:57

Yes, I think we are pressurised into thinking we must have complete control over our children from a very young age.
I have realised you can tell them that hitting/ pulling hair hurts, for example, as they don't realise that, but then they will do things to get a reaction!
Your ds will probably stay away from the TV when you stop responding to it so strongly!!!

cory · 21/01/2008 07:50

Wise words there from mrsruffalo- there is too much pressure to prove ourselves as parents at far too early a stage.

I'd say never trust to the obedience of a toddler. It's hands-on at this age. Lift him away, use stairgates, hold him by the hand or use reins (less restrictive) when you're out. Even 2 or 3 years down the line, it isn't a sign of your parenting failing if they do what they've been told not to- children forget! And they test boundaries- not because they don't respect you, but because this is part of the developmental process. Just don't take it personally. I'd say counting 1-2-3 is definitely too advanced for this age- that's more for a late 2-3 yo IMO.

If you feel the TV sits insecurely- how about securing it to something? Our bookcases are all secured to the wall. And if you're still worried, don't leave ds unattended in that room- take him with you. Though I would think the risks are not that great; surely a toddler would need a few minutes to turn a TV over? Just patting it isn't going to hurt either it or him.

Locksikas · 21/01/2008 13:49

Message withdrawn

Locksikas · 21/01/2008 13:55

Message withdrawn

PrettyCandles · 21/01/2008 13:56

At this age it's still a matter of avoiding temptations, rather than expecting the baby to obey. Their instinct is to explore, poke, fiddle, thump. They are drawn to bright things, and those little red and blue LEDs are impossible to ignore. They are working out cause and effect, and causing Mummy to respond to me is a wonderful effect!

We keep our living room doors closed - barely use it during the day, anyway - and have room-dividers across openings that cannot be closed. We accept that things will be fiddled with, and put dangerous/precious/delicate stuff out of reach.

And live with it.

Far better for you all to be calm and un-bothered, and when the baby is old enough he won't have anything to prove or rebel against, than for you to be forever fighting a losing battle, and then having a stropy child who feels constantly got-at.

Though mostly they are stroppy, anyway. After the Terrible Twos comes the Threenager.

BroccoliSpears · 21/01/2008 14:06

I think a lot of the time if you say "Don't touch the tv" they hear "...mumble mumble TOUCH mumble TV!!" and think "ooh, touch the tv, you say? What a good idea, mum must really like this game - she's always suggesting it."

I find positive suggestions work better.

Instead of "Don't touch the TV", try "Come over here and show me your book".

Also, at 20 months, I am discovering the joy of 'Jobs'. Give them an Important Task ("Could you be ever so helpful and go and find mummy a tissue from the kitchen?") and they're usefully occupied for as much as 45 seconds at a time! ("Oh, thank you for my tissue. Very helpful! Now could you please put this beaker on the table for mummy?")

Locksikas · 21/01/2008 14:18

Message withdrawn

BroccoliSpears · 21/01/2008 14:25

I know the one! Very apt.

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 24/01/2008 14:04

Update! (assuming anyone is interested!)

Have been a lot more chilled out re TV and trying the distraction technique - working a treat and am a lot more relaxed! He was banging the door to the kitchen cupboard the other day so I distracted him by saying oooh look, lemons in the rack, count the lemons for mummy. He toddled over and started to count...next thing I know he's bit into a lemon and has a cats arse face....still, at least he won't bite into a lemon anymore!

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 24/01/2008 14:11

Glad things are working out Pussin

hattyyellow · 24/01/2008 14:17

We have our old Babydan playpen which doubles as a room divider to block off our TV. Best thing we ever did, DD's can now not reach TV, video, dvd player or fire which are all in same corner of room...

www.nurseryessentials.co.uk/babydan-playpen-white-426-p.asp

It does get a bit better month by month at 2.5 they do listen a bit more...not much but a little! I agree that distraction works wonders..

mrsruffallo · 24/01/2008 20:48

Hi Pussin, was in a rush earlier but I am really happy that you sound more relaxed and your son is still having fun

PrettyCandles · 25/01/2008 09:30

That's great, JimmyChoos! I just came back from a friend's house - she is so laid-back she's practically horizontal - where she has locks on almost all her kitchen cupboards except the one with saucepans and the one with baby kit and tupperware. All babies and toddlers have free access to those cupboards. You just have to make sure you 'wade' rather than step when moving through the kitchen. Works a treat.

That was, until my 15m ds2 turned up and emptied her dustbin!

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