3.5yr old challenging behaviour

[Lillybank1]

Help!

I am just looking for opinions/advice as I have no idea what to do anymore. My son is 3.5, we have struggled with him since his was tiny, the first year he was just a very active baby, crawled early, walked early, a very proficient climber he’s had us on the run from the get go really.

Tantrums started to kick in around 18 months old and we just seem to gone from one struggle to the next, everything is a fight, he will do not a thing we ask right down to going to the toilet, putting his shoes on, coming for his dinner, everything is a screaming match he will scream in our faces, he now refuses to go to bed at night, he is so defiant we spend hours and hours and hours constantly returning him to bed but it never stops, we explain boundaries and always follow through but we are just getting nowhere. Life was very unsettling with lockdown, then we moved, then i had an accident so lots has gone on for him, he is now very physical towards us, I feel like we need help for anger management and medical assessment but he just presents like a spoilt brat, they will tell us to put boundaries in but they are all there, he does not care for any rules, he does behave far better with others, its very much directed at us. Any advice or anything at all I would greatly appreciate as have no idea what to do next. I don’t believe this can be normal 3yr old behaviour.