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Original poster

how do i learn how to relax more?

54 replies

robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 09:22

i know i just need to chill out about stuff
but i just don't know how to

im always thinking i should be doing this,i should be doing that

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lulumama · 09/01/2008 09:24

are you busy? do you do things during the day? do you go out to mums and tots ? or have friends over? or do you have a lot of time to think/ over think/ worry about things?

is there anything in particualr you are worried about re your little one, or general stressing?

Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 09:31

yes im quite busy and see lots of friends and family but i think i have a good balance doing stuff and time at home

its just stuff like when dh went to work this am at 8am and me and dd where still in bed, i felt really guilty
like we should be up

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babypowder · 09/01/2008 09:33

Ooh, I'm like this, too. I feel like I should be busy all the time. I have huge to do lists that grown daily. I encourage DH to relax after work, but I just can't. Even when I go to bed at night I find myself writing lists.

I would love to just be able to lie in bed and not feel guilty.

I realise this is of no help to you at all , but I hope that someone will be along soon!

lulumama · 09/01/2008 09:33

if you do not have to go to work, or to do a school run, then why not lie in bed with your DD? if she is sleepy and happy, then why get her up? believe me, you need to enjoy these long , stress free mornings... are you still up in the night feeding? you are busy with a baby all day, why should you feel guilty?

does your DH try to get you to get up when he does?

Surfermum · 09/01/2008 09:34

I never got up much before 9/9.30 while dd was tiny. It was only when she went to pre-school in the mornings when she was about 3 that I started having to get my act together in the mornings.

I figured that I had had years of having to be up and out to work that I was going to make the most of it.

babypowder · 09/01/2008 09:42

Of course you should be lying in bed with a baby. Enjoy every minute of it - you have years ahead of having to get up early.

Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 09:51

dh doesnt really try to get us up
although i think he thinks we should get up, think i should ask him tonight

when we brought our 1st house and first lived together i moved to the town where he lived
so really i made the sacrafice and i had to get up earlier than he did as i had further to travel to work as i used to work closer to where i used to live
its only about 30mins away from where i used to live

so everyday for at least a year i used to get up before him

so why do i feel bad and guilty now?i really dont know

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Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 09:51

but i think its more my own gulit iykwim

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Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 10:20

i think it may stem from my mum and dad, as they have certain sexist views such as think its upto women to do everything in the house!

and are always slagging off my sister just because her dh cooks a few meals and helps out with the kids ,they have 2 kids and a baby as well!
i now my parents are wrong in there views but somehow it affects me
my mum has already told me i dont do eniugh in the house and dh does too much and i should do more etc

he might cook the tea but then im clean up or vice versa
he might clean th bathroom but then ill clean the kitchen
they think this is me slacking

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Judy1234 · 09/01/2008 10:28

Perhaps you need to go back to full time work and relax less! A lot of women are made to work and aren't really suited to stay at home. It's not surprising it all feels wrong for them there as it often is.

Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 10:42

even if was working fulltime ill still feel like its all my responsibilty

like my mum she workd fulltime when i was 7 and did everything thing in the house too
poor love and i have 2 brothers aswell

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Judy1234 · 09/01/2008 11:58

Ah you just need a feminist education course. Go to the library and borrow some books or look on line.

peatbogfaerie · 09/01/2008 12:03

ooooh I'm just the same. When we were staying with my parents over xmas, if mum found me sitting down for 2 mins she would have a job for me to do ... However, in my own home I've decided I'm the boss and give myself a break (usually a tiny bit longer than planned) ...

And if your dd is still little, please please enjoy it while it lasts. I'm up at 6.30 nowadays to make the school run.

Surfermum · 09/01/2008 12:05

My mum is the same. She thinks I'm terrible if dh does some ironing or cooks a meal! And if I'm late home from work on one of the days I work she says things like "poor dh he'll be at home waiting for his tea". I just roll my eyes (internally).

What isn't getting done because you don't get up? Are you actually struggling to get up in the mornings?

Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 12:08

thanks i know you are so right and i know my parents are v sexist and they are wrong
but they way they think of m is seeming to efect me, somehow

don't know what up with me today

i know i should just live my own life and enjoy dd and everything else
and i hate hate hate dd to feel like everything is her responsibilty when shes grown up
esp if she has kids

my mum had no life really,yet seem to think its the thing to do!

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Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 12:09

thats the crazy thing nothing is not getting done
its all getting done

they just think think i should do everything
in the house

and they would still think that even if i worked fulltime and had no children

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Surfermum · 09/01/2008 12:11

It's taken me quite a few years to be at the stage where I think "actually it's OK to have a different opinion to my parents". If you and your dh are happy about how you organise things between you then no-one else's opinion matters.

Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 12:12

no i dont struggle to get up in the morning but id prob prefer to get up at say 830 9am then get up at 8am just because dh does and i feel guilty, but like i said earlier the 1st year of us living together i had to get before him as i had further to travel to work

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Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 12:13

yes surfermum i think your right

do you think i should tell thm what i think and stand upto them a bit more

how do you act around yours?

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southeastastra · 09/01/2008 12:13

make the most of it, before you know it you'll be up at 7 to get ready for the school run. and that lasts for years

Anna8888 · 09/01/2008 12:14

robinredbreast - yes, you definitely need to get over your parents' terrible sexist views. You are feeling irrational guilt, which in some ways is even worse than rational guilt as you are in inner conflict about it.

Like Xenia suggested, try borrowing some books from the library. Talk here about specific things (like you did last week about waking your DD up in the morning) and see what kind of reaction you get on MN.

Surfermum · 09/01/2008 12:14

I never get up at the same time as dh, but he's the sort who wakes early and gets up immediately. I tend to snooze.

Are there things that aren't getting done because of that extra half hour? Are you still getting up in the night? How old is your little one? Ooh lots of questions !

Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 12:16

hi anna yes since we last spoke dd has been waking naturally everyday
thank for that

she even having a little nap now

anna do you think i should say something to my parents?

good point southeast

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Anna8888 · 09/01/2008 12:18

Before my daughter (3.2) started school four months' ago, I used quite often to sleep until 9 am, even though my partner got up at 7.10 am to go to work. I never felt remotely guilty - the more rested I am, the more fun I am to be with

Original poster
robinredbreast · 09/01/2008 12:21

do i dont get up with dd she sleeps a good 2 hours at night,shes 6 months
and everything is getting done, although its me and dh that get things done together

we both don't have a problem with that,just my mum and dad do.

but as i said it not really anything to do with having a baby and being at home,even when we both worked full time and had no kids they still think all the cooking cleaning and washing ironing basically everything is the womans job
as that what my mum and dad do/did
dad doesnt even make a sandwich or cup of tea

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