I must go to bed now but if anyone can help with this I would be very grateful

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

I need bullet points from the book - How to talk so your child will listen, and listen so your child will talk.

My son hardly ever talks to me about how he feels or what is going on and I know he is feeling angry about something at the moment (I know some girls at school are hasseling him) but there is more to it.

Don't want to say what has happened as don't want to influence any responses.

Will check back in tomorrow.

Thanks guys.

Maybe rather than ask a question, you could say something like 'you seem upset' - if he does open up at all you have to resist the temptation to jump in and try to solve the problem, but listen.

sometimes boys need reminding that mums are the exception the the constant "must look cool" rule. they need reminding that its ok to give mum a love even at 18. and thats what you need to create IMO/E is a house where they know you are always their constant - that you will always get their back and be there for them - and although there are some situations that do warrent a sit down talk a more informal "whats up wi' yer misery? tell yer old mum.... is it to do with yer arse? no!? oh...erm is it to do with yer other bits? NO? well how bad can it be then spit it out before i give you a kiss" all whilst acting monchalantly with an air of i dont right give a shit and peeling tatties in the kitchen

ie. today my son has skateboarding injury on his arse. so he is complaining and saying how big the cut is - i leave it.

15mins later he says to his dad " will i have to wash the cut"
"how big is it"
"oih huge"

so i says " look ive washed yer willy , ive seen yer bit get yer kecks off - you cant be embarrased in front of me I'm yer mum and i dont count ( of course i do - and ofcourse he is) so he gets kecks off and i say " ive had biger cuts on mi arse shut yer moaning hole" cos am nice like that

Have you tried a feelings box/book, like a communications book! a thing you share together but no one else should know about could give him the feeling that he is not "telling" you and such not feel embarassed about saying how he feels! u get a book, he writes what he thinks, leaves it overnite, you write your thoughts he reads it the next evening, no need for face-to-face; i agree that being able to look into his eyes whilst you talk is better, but sometimes being shy or cool overrides the need to feel close to Mammy! you can also write letters to each other, or notes! in this case is better to leave the "worried mum, must know whats going on" instead, try to have fun with the exercise and be cool and friendly, if he thinks you will overreact or get angry this might be what is whats stopping him from telling you.

He is only 6 but I think it sounds like a great idea to do the book.

What problem I thought we had, which made me post originally, turned out to be FIL over reacting but this is still a good idea.