stupid question I know but should a 12month old baby sleep through all night [blush]

[MUMOFDJandP]

my ds2 doesnt and I worry he needs the feeds in the night (min up X 2 max X 3)

I am sure his weight is normal and that probably he is just snacking on me as a habit now

Is it kinder to end this snacking now and let him learn to sleep all night or will he stop himself as I dont want to be feeding him / settling him for years if atall possible.......

how is best to do this do you think?

gentle advice please xx

thanks

Because kids can learn to take comfort from other things - blanket, stuffed animal, etc. And this self-soothing is a good thing.

Also, a well-rested mum is much more patient, attentive, energetic mum. A kid who sleeps through the night is also a well-rested kid.

Nobody loses, everybody wins.

Both mine were sleeping through by 3 months, so I can't imagine what it must be like to have broken nights for so long. Each to their own, but for me, I would take the required steps to get them sleeping through, otherwise when do you stop providing comfort through the night? I know of children at top end of primary that still don't sleep through and I would be an even crapper mother if I had so little sleep for so long. But I know from many years of similar conversations that there are different schools of thought out there, so it's really up to you, (and not just the baby).

Mine slept through from about 10 or 12 months but not always - depended on teething, growth spurt, illness etc.
Sometimes though if we disturb them and they wake up and cry for a bottle we just give it so that everyone can get off to sleep.

DD is 5 days off 12 months.

She had never slept through the night ever, until this week. She has now slept through 3 nights out of about 8.

We put her into her own room 3 weeks ago. She used to be able to see us, next to her, so knew she could get our attention by shouting, crying or throwing things at us

She still wakes, I've heard her but she doesnt try to get our attention for long, and just goes back to sleep.

I was also told over and over again that she didnt need to breast feed in the night after about 6 months. Well, she DID. Almost without exception, when she woke in the night ( 4 x a night on average ) she would gulp and swallow really hard, for a good 10 mins or longer each time. She was properly feeding. Not comfort feeding at all. I can only think of a handful of times when that was the case.

She is now eating 2 - 3 good meals a day, and also having 2 bottles a day. she refused them until about 6 weeks ago. I tried her on them again, as we had to go away from her for a night and day, and my mum needed to be able to settle her. She took to them finally, and actually get excited when we are getting them ready for her. However, i dont think this is the reason for her sleeping through the night. I think she was just ready to.

We still breast feed first thing in the morning, and i offer it to her in the day, before a nap, then again at bed time. She has a bottle, then a good 20 mins breast feed too. If she wakes in the night, I cuddle her first, and stroke her head, last resort is to feed her. But TBH, if she wants to feed now, she lift up my top, or pats my boobs. She doesnt always do that, so i dont offer it unless she does.

Good luck with it, sorry no real advice as such, other than, when he is ready, i'm sure he will. In the mean time, feed if you want to, or if you feel you want to wean off at night time, just be really consistent.

I read a fab book that explained about night feeding weaning. you pick a week or 2 weeks, depending on how fast you want to do it.
First wake , first night, you feed for 7 minutes. next wake, next feed, 7 minutes, until all feeds until the morning.
Next night, you cut the feed by either 1 minute, or half a minute, depending on if you are doing it over 7 or 14 days. this continues, each night by 1 or half a minute until you are on only 1 minute feed.. by this time, your baby should not want to bother to wake for such a short feed...

I started this method a few months ago and it was REALLY working. we got to 4 minutes. Then she was really poorly, and it all went tits up. I didnt go back to it, as she also started throwing stuff at us at this time, so no point with her in same room as us. I would have though, if she'd been in her own room then.

Sorry i've gone on and on and on.. just wanted to tell you of my experience, and also, a simple method to try.

good luck and I hope it gets sorted in good time for you

Firstly well done - going from 2 to 3 wakes a night to basically sleeping through in a couple of days is fantastic. I think it also answers your original question with definite yes, but as you experienced it doesn't always just happen, often they need encouragement and training!

IMO no baby needs to be fed in the night once weaning has been properly established. That's not to say they will then immediately sleep through - they might need comfort etc, but from seeing the experience of most people I know it usually follows that once night feeding stops then babies soon start sleeping through.

I am lucky thay both mine slept through from about 2 months, obviously that was partly just good luck, but I did encourage it too - i.e. when they woke my first reaction would be to try and resettle rather than immediately putting them to the breast. If they hadn't dropped off again within 5 mins or so of rocking / dummy etc then I'd feed.

My DD3 is nearly 16 months and still doesn't sleep through [yawn!]

We are doing exactly what we did with her sisters who both slept all night from a fairly young age, but DD3 is just a much lighter sleeper. When she wakes sometimes she can get herself back off to sleep, sometimes she needs a shush/pat, sometimes she needs a feed. She occasionally has water but often wants milk. The way she chugs a bottle makes me think that she is hungry so I am happy to give it to her.

I try and comfort her first, then offer water, then if she is still going I give her the milk. Nine times out of ten she'll glug it and go back to sleep till morning so she obviously wanted it!

I think it has been made worse by her teething, illness, going away for 3 weeks and her getting jet lagged, moving bedrooms and so on.

So well done on cracking it in a few days, I am hoping DD3 will turn the corner and sleep longer, more consistently.

What on earth are people talking about when they say their baby 'slept through' at only a few days / weeks old??? Define sleeping through please!

nope, ds is 3 and still doesn't always sleep through, the difference now is that is usually able to resettle himself but he wasn't able to do this until recently. In fact at the moment he comes into our bed to reassure and resettle himself and crashes out again instantly.
Each child is different, there are no "shoulds" for sleeping through and in my very humble opinion I think trying to bend things to "fit" how it "should" be never works as if it suited your baby they would already be doing it!

sleeping through = not waking up!!

kitbit, "trying to bend things to 'fit' how it 'should' be never works as if it suited your baby they would already be doing it!" is very odd advice.

What is your take on toilet training, then?

Hmm we have this problem too with DS2 (12 months next week). I bf him but have been back to work since he was 3 mths old.
I have tried "night-weaning" and have gone for quite long periods settling him with dummy, patting, cuddling... laying him down and running out of the room
I even went away for 5 days (not to get away from him, promise and DH managed to settle him by co-sleeping but he's STILL waking.
He was/is a reflux baby so sometimes I think he really is in pain (lets out a burp when picked up) and of course is teething too.

Just wondering when this will ever end because although DS1 wasn't a great sleeper he did gradually get better, (dropping feeds, sleeping til 7-5am). DS2 is really irregular and has occasionally slept through but mostly doesn't...

He is in a room with his brother but shared with me (DH in spare room ) for 6 months +

Glad it's working for original poster.

(sorry just seen this)
probably didn't explain what I was thinking very well. I meant that if someone tells you your baby "should be sleeping through by now" and you move hell and high water to try and achieve it with a baby who just isn't ready, doesn't want to, isn't able to, both you and they get distressed trying etc, then maybe you should be easier on yourself and the baby and work out who you're trying to please (MIL or daft old lady at the supermarket usually) and if both of you are actually happy but just trying to fit a mould that isn't yours, then don't. That's what I meant - in reference to the sleeping thing.
Although since it was a direct reply to a sleeping question am a bit surprised that it might be construed I leave everything to chance on other things...nah won't bother showing him how to use a fork, one day he might decide to have a go himself!!!

Obviously not to please MIL or some stranger, but to get a good night's sleep. Preferably, every night. That is not an unrealistic goal, especially for parents of a 12 month old.

Your DS is "3 and still not sleeping through". Could that possibly be because of your laissez-faire approach to his sleeping habits, thinking "if it suited him he would already be doing it"?

errr no, CoteDAzur, he has just always had trouble self settling and unlike some babes who probably do wake up but we never know because they go back to sleep by themselves, ds asks for help. It's not a problem for him (no more tired during the day than normal, thriving, very rarely ill, generally content etc), and it isn't a problem for me. I don't call this "laissez-faire", I call it noticing what works for my child and my family - it isn't "unparenting", quite the opposite.
It's not a problem for me either because I go back to sleep within minutes and am used to the sleep patterns. So no, I agree, it's not an unrealistic goal, but that doesn't mean than a child who doesn't sleep all through the night is not doing it right or not "normal". Different things suit different children.

You must know by now that a 3 year old not sleeping through the night is very rare. In fact, I never heard of one in RL. So yes, what your DS is doing is "not normal".

If it works for you, great. People don't post here asking advice about their kids not sleeping through the night if they are happy about the status quo, though.

My 8 year old has only really started sleeping through!! This is why with dd2 I did things differenly.....she is ten months and sleeps through and has done since 12 weeks.....thank God!

I have to say that every day I thank the paediatrician who told us to teach DD to sleep through the night at 4 months.

I have not heard of better advice, before or since.

Did he tell how to do it CoteDAzur or just thatif you could it would be beneficial?

She said to cut out the night feeds, and get DD back to sleep any other way possible - rock, shhh, pat, sing to, etc. That it would be better if DH did this rather than myself because I was breastfeeding and she would smell the milk on me. That it were best be done now, for after 6 months it progressively got harder to teach babies to sleep through the night.

We had two bad nights but DD she slept through the third night and has been sleeping through ever since.

It wasn't CC, since we never left her alone to cry, but DD saw that there was no milk at night, and stopped waking up for it.

Am so glad that it worked out for you CoteDAzur

Mine did but I was a bit of a control freak over it - it's not a a matter of what you should or shouldn't do. If it bothers you see if you can work a way to push through longer, if it doesn't (but peer pressure says it should) then leave be !

nope, actually I have 5 friends with 3 year olds I can think of off the top of my head, and only 1 can say that their child usually sleeps through. Does it really matter though? Actually it sounds as though my child not sleeping through matters more to you than it does to me.
And for someone who posts about it, it is sometimes good to hear someone say "is it really broken? think about what you are trying to fix and then ask do you really need to make that change". Pantley's advice, and from what you say about your own eperiences you've probably come across it yourself.

Not read the whole thread, my DS is 14 months. He's slept through (7 - 5) twice, but he hasn't had a night feed since 7 months.

Would be interested to know if anyone managed to long-term bf and had a baby sleeping through (gillhowe?).
I think I hold onto the night feeds because I'm at work in the day (although of course he wakes in the holidays too) and I don't want to stop bf yet.

I don't know anyone in RL who has managed to bf more than 6 mths without any night feeds.

Tell me it can be done?