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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How do I deal with 16 mo having a huge huge tantrum.

15 replies

joorla · 27/12/2007 19:03

She has had a few tantrums before which started about a month or so ago but this was huge. She was head banging her head on the floor really really hard (I know because I put my hand on the floor to catch her forehead any my god it hurt), she kept pushing me away from her, didnt want mummy at all just wanted daddy. At first I was holding her but it wasnt making any difference at all she just kept hysterically crying and throwing herself and anything within reach about. I also walked away thinking that maybe she would stop if she didnt have an audience but she didnt stop, just carried on. This went on for about half an hour or so, the only thing that calmed her down was interrupting dh she calmed down when he held her. Honestly, she was like something possessed, doing a funny head crawl backwards and kept pushing me away from her. Is this normal or something I should get checked out - sorry first time mum and really dont know what to expect.

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callmeoverchristmas · 27/12/2007 19:08

Hi joorla, we are going through the same and I am worried by the head banging too. DD hits her own head with her hands when cross but recently has smacked her forehead into the cot (twice this week) repeatedly when she wakes and we don't get there fast enough. It seems it is not uncommon but I am going to the HV anyway as I need some advice on padding the cot

lulalullabye · 27/12/2007 19:08

My dd did exactly the same thing at the same age, and the only thing that worked was pure ignorane, no matter how hard it is. There are opther ways of dealing with it but that worked for us. She now at 20 mths has a mini one evry now and then, lasting 5mins max instead of 40. Whatever you do, don't think it;s your fault cause its not.

LoveMyGirls · 27/12/2007 19:10

What abhout when you are at home putting a travel cot up (with soft sides) and just putting her in there and ignoring her until she stops. It's a phase she will soon grow out of it if you don't give her attention.

LoveMyGirls · 27/12/2007 19:10

when you're out put her ion a pushchair where she is safe and let her get on with it too?

Wallace · 27/12/2007 19:12

My ds2 is like this when he is tired. He gets so wound up and tearful. He holds his arms up for me to pick him up, then when I try he slips out of my hands and throws himslef on the floor...

Original poster

joorla · 27/12/2007 19:15

Thanks for putting my mind at rest, I thought I was the only one, I didnt think that kids had tantrums this young, naive I know.

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Original poster

joorla · 27/12/2007 19:15

Good advice about the travel cot by the way, I'll definitely try that one.

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emmaagain · 27/12/2007 19:19

But what on earth had set it off? Was she failing to communicate what she wanted and needed?

Original poster

joorla · 27/12/2007 19:24

It all started because dh went into the garage to work on the car & she wanted him not me, she doesnt normally see much of him during the week because of his working hours and I think this week she's finding it a great novelty with him being there (spoiling her!).

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lulalullabye · 27/12/2007 19:30

Our dd was at her worst when we had dd2. She was used to dh being at work like yours, and mostly had to entertain herself a lot cause I was heavily pregnant. When dh was there for 3 weeks, it was a nightmare. It will pass just grit your teeth and plug your ears !!!

threeweekings · 28/12/2007 00:38

I found this a hard stage with all 3 of mine - they have tantrums but they can't understand any reasoning yet. Already now at 22 months my dd can understand a bit of reason which makes it all easier. I think if you are doing some things to try to stop the tantrum before it happens (distracting at the right moment, not letting her get too tired or hungry, etc etc) then once she's in full swing there's not a lot you can do apart from ignore and don't give in to stop the screaming. I'm sure soon she will be able to say what she wants a bit more and that should reduce the tantrums.

Twinklemegan · 28/12/2007 00:48

My nearly 17 month old has been having tantrums like this since before he was one. They're just the same as you describe, even down to the weird backwards head crawling. It doesn't happen very often thank God, but it only takes something very small to spark him off if one is on the way. I'm sure tiredness has a lot to do with it too, but a couple of times recently he's woken up to an immediate tantrum.

I do try to hold him and comfort him, rather than ignore, because I feel so sorry for him being unable to understand and control all the strong emotions he's feeling. I couldn't bear to leave him feeling so distressed. But then I'm a softie.

emmaagain · 28/12/2007 12:01

In that situation I think I'd have taken the child into the garage and played inside the car while Daddy is visible working on the car on the outside, playing peekaboo.

Much more relaxing for everyone :-)

SpookyMadMummy · 28/12/2007 12:05

Why not get a bean bag?? and if she starts having a big tantrum with head banging, just lift her onto it so she won't hurt her head on the floor??

mrsgboring · 28/12/2007 12:56

Agree with Twinklemegan. At that age they're not doing it to wind you up or get their own way, they're just distressed and don't know how to handle the emotion. I always comfort, and also rectify the situation if it's safe and decent to do so, and will always try to meet DS at least halfway. Would do what Emma suggested in your situation with DH in garage.

DS is now 2.1 and an absolute star and hardly ever has tantrums. Comforting and helping with tantrums has lessened them immensely IME.

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