What is it all about???

[NAB3littlemonkeys]

DS1, 6 and 9 months just got in a mood because I asked him to tidy up, etc etc. Said he wanted to be killed, said he didn't care if I went, refused to listn, said he would wee all over the floor when I said he had to wait to use the loo and called himself an idiot boy.

DD now crying and has an attitude as well. DS1 has turned the light off and left her in the dark.

Have come downstairs after telling them to put themselves to bed.

All I want to do is cuddle DS but I know he will push me away or tell me to go away.

Can't work out DD at all.

now find something to laugh at together, for ideas I just taught my dd jingle bells batman smells, she has been wetting herself (not literally) laughing about it for days. It is now jingle bells daddy smells but who cares.

I think he was not worried about you going simply because he knows you will not leave him. Which is true.

Im glad you didnt take this as a criticism NAB. And yes, i know exactly what you mean about desperate, we have all done it im sure, we do something and then think, why the hell did i do that! Stress and pressure can make us act without thinking at times.

Oh and i so know what you mean about the no break thing and i have my mother to help me. My trouble is that i am too much of a control freak to let her! It is the relentlessness of it that gets me, i think that is something that comes pretty much only with parenting. I remember being really stressed at work sometimes, that real pit of the stomach stress but it was OK because i knew that whenever the deadline was, the stress would be gone. I thought only today when DD was playing up, christ, when is this ever going to end, because i cant pinpoint a time when the pressure wont be there. Thats probably not helping much.

I really think you should try your local homestart. I go to a homestart playgroup, although the one i attend isnt a support group as such, i know a few people who do go to support groups and think its great. But homestart isnt just for pre schoolers, its for school age children too. It has volunteers which are mothers, people who have been where you are now and can offer you their experiences, or just listen, or maybe help you take that little dynamo to the park or SOMETHING, anything, to lighten the load. Please look this up, you are such a fantastic mum and you are clearly crying out for help and as wonderful as mumsnet is (i honestly think its the best thing since sliced bread) there is nothing like sitting and talking to a real person. The play group i go to is lovely. At first i thought, woooaaahhh, hang on one goddamn minute, just because ive taken my eye off my child for half a minute and she is playing on her own it doesnt mean i need YOU to step in. But then actually, it meant that i could have a proper grown up conversation with someone and not break off midsentence only to forget what particular bit of trivia we were discussing. So now i think, oooh lovely so and so is occupying lucy for a minute, i can have a cuppa.

Give it a try, what is there to lose. Your doctors clinic will give you the number.

I really have to go but wnated to bump this for tmw.

Had a better eveing all the children, esp DS1, and I need to keep trying.

Thanks all.

Off for my Gordon Ranmsey fix now.

Hope today is going a little better for you.

So far, okay. He tried it on this morning but I was firm, but fair. We went to his carol concert and I can't wait until he finishes school this afternoon for the holidays.

NAB There is so much I want to write, but as I am jingling a teething DS2 I probably will have to keep this brief.

Firstly, I admire your honesty and your desire to find solutions. FWIW I had 2 loving and supportive parents and I also wonder what I am doing most days. Parenting is unbelievably hard.

DS1 and I have always been very close, but recently he has rejected me when he's been upset. This really hurt me and I have to remind myself that he is only 4 and really doesn't understand love, so when he says he doesn't love me he doesn't mean it.

I have 2 bits of advice:

1. buy 'No matter what' a beautiful picture book about parents constant love for their children.

1. Speak to your HV there will be people/courses that may be able to help.

Have a good Christmas. I'm thinking of you and your family.

Just ordered No Matter What so hopefully it will come soon.

Thanks.

I'm really glad. We find it really helpful to use with DS1 and DD. (When I first read it it made me cry!)

To clarify what I wrote about courses. They may well not interest you, but I know our HV team and local Sure start run parenting type courses.

Also so you know you are not the only one. DS1 kicked and shouted at me that he wanted a new mummy when we got to the car after picking him up from school (not many people watching then! ). I lost it and told him to get in the car I would take him to whoever he wanted to live with

The way you write about your love for your son, makes me well up. Our love for our children is so intense and I think that sometimes it's really hard to be rational and logical when dealing with such strong emotions, so we end up saying and doing things in the heat of the moment that we don't mean. Then I think how much harder it must be for DS1 who is only 4 if I as an adult find it so hard.

NAB - so much of your posts sound so sad. I just wanted to post cos you sound so sad and low and you have an amazing love for your kids. You say lots that you just want to be a good parent and worry whether you're managing it or not. With that self-doubt I don't think its surprising that you're sensitive to your kids behaviour and you're looking out for signs back from them that its going okay.

I don't think I have any useful tips, only wanted to say that I also feel that crippling anxiety and worry about all my parenting and I really should know better (and don't have a shit childhood to explain it). You're not the only one. When my child shrieks at me and shouts back what I've shouted my confidence just crumbles.

And its really not just you - DP also just had a moment in tears worrying that DS's 45 min tantrum about coming home from childminder was caused to us having a row this morning, followed by worrying that we have too much stress in the house. Think I gave birth to a guilt complex, not a child!

The only thing I find helps is realising that its my stress - so if I make more time for me, check that my feelings are getting looked after by DP and myself, then I seem to be a bit more resilient in the face of tantrums and other behaviour. Oh and lack of sleep's another big trigger for me. Is there anything you can do for yourself? Regular 'me-time', exercise etc.? Hope you're getting help for the depression.

Hi, thanks for that. I will post another thread about today in a bit.

I am on AD's but don't get any free time without any of the kids unless it is at the weekend and then I don't see DH if I go out and he has them. Once the weather is better I am going to start walking to school again so that will be 4 lots of 20 minutes. Better than nothing.