Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

Anyone else constantly worrying about autism signs??
41

foreverworryingmum21 · 22/11/2021 14:10

Hi All

Long time lurker and have always found these threads so helpful and reassuring.

Just as above really, find myself constantly worrying about signs of autism in my son (Have worried about this since pregnancy!) I have anxiety and I guess the autism worry is just part of the lack of control of the future, etc. But even so does anyone else find themselves googling red flags, then literally looking for the red flags, and then panicking even more when you spot one?

I feel so bad writing this as my son is absolutely amazing.. so I guess I'm looking both for reassurance but also does anyone else worry constantly if your dc is not ticking every possible box they should at every possible moment?

So my son is 15 months old. He is an absolute delight (most of the time!) He's super happy, smiley and giggly. He is super curious about the world - loves exploring things and places, loves playing with his toys and reading books. He brings toys to show me, he toddles over with books all the time for me to read to him (or hopefully show me). He often grabs my hand and pulls me over to play with him. He points, and sometimes points at pictures in books when I say 'Where is the duck?' etc (But by no means every time!). He babbles constantly, and has a few words "mama", "duck", "fish", and can say a few numbers and point these out too. (But his love of numbers actually worries me - he LOVES them and gets excited if we're out and he see the number 10 for example). He was an early walker and his motor skills and control are brilliant. He follows instructions "come here", "no" (sometimes). He laughs when I laugh sometimes, he likes to play "chase mummy", he copies me sometimes - if I say "ssssnake" he'll say "sssss". His eye contact is great - he'll have little babbly conversations with me looking me in the eye - buttt he doesn't make great eye contact with people he doesn't know.

BUT... despite all this I still worry. He sometimes hand leads - he can point himself and does so, but he often gets my hand to point at pictures in a book or to help with a toy. He responds to his name SOMETIMES, but if we're out somewhere new or he's engrossed in something, he ignores me. (But weirdly he'll always look if I say "look!") This inconsistent name response really worries me.

He's not that interested in other children. He sometimes watches older kids play, but at playgroup or classes he mostly ignores the other kids and happily plays on his own, or with me. Sometimes he'll sit with the other kids and play, but he doesn't engage in any way. I know he's still super young, but obviously this worries me too. He's not really a lover of other people really - he adores me, his dad and his nanny, doesn't mind his grandparents and auntie, but unless he knows you really well, he tolerates you at best. As I've said above, his eye contact with strangers is not great.

Writing this all down makes me feel really silly - but any reassurance or fellow-worriers out there would be greatly appreciated!!!

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

snoobydoo · 22/11/2021 14:32

Hi ,
I didnt want to read and run. I had so many worries since my son 12 months old. I had so many sleepless nights - still have and he is 27 months old now - ı still dont have an answer. One day ı am thinking he definetely has some quirks next day i am thinking no way he has autism.

Your baby still so young ı know is hard but try to enjoy and do your best. Answer wont come ın one day we referred to specialist when he is 18 months old and still dont know the answer.

I am more reliefed now because i can see he has difference but still from outside he is a regular 2 year old no one knows the differce except me!

Please
or
to access all these features

CP2701 · 22/11/2021 16:48

Hiya! He's still very young for taking much interest in other children. At that stage, they totally have their own agenda.

He genuinely sounds wonderful. I think we are all hyper aware of milestones these days and it actually can manifest into anxiety. When my eldest was young (she's almost 17 now), I had no clue if she was reaching milestones until the health visitor came to visit. I have no clue when she first pointed etc!

We are almost too aware these days and it makes us worry when they don't check every box.

My youngest is coming up for 3 and she is a lot like your son. The numbers thing, she's always loved numbers. She was able to recognise them from a really young age. She's a neurotypical child, it was just one of her interests at the time.

She wasn't saying much at 15 months, she's now a one hundred mile an hour talker! His understanding sounds good, which is really important.

Try not to look online too much for milestones, that's the only advice I would give you. It will ruin your enjoyment of your baby, and they are only little for a very short time.

Please
or
to access all these features

HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 22/11/2021 17:13

I have constantly worried since pregnancy too. For me this is because we have autism in both mine and DH's family. What has caused your worry?

My son has always been a late bloomer but got there in the end. I've been worried about his language delay but at 2.4 years he's having a word explosion. He's had lots of red flags along the way but he's grown out of most of them. He's also obsessed with numbers and the alphabet. Your DS sounds great!

Please
or
to access all these features

Twounderfive83 · 22/11/2021 19:28

I was exactly like this, I worried since pregnancy.

My DS is now almost 6 and it’s looking more and more likely he is on the autistic spectrum or has ADHD.

I didn’t have a clue when he was very little, even though I constantly worried, analysed and googled everything. He pointed at a normal age, spoke and communicated well. Slept well, ate well, wasn’t difficult.

It’s only when a child is among their peers, with certain expectations placed on them, that their differences might start to show. My DS was fine at nursery, but now in year 1 he’s not very naughty or anything, but he’s disruptive at a low level and it’s becoming clear he’s “different”.

There’s a lesson in here somewhere. I think it’s impossible to know for sure for a long long time (one look at the SN boards here shows some DC diagnosed in their teens) so where will worrying get us? Try and enjoy your lovely baby.

Please
or
to access all these features

CP2701 · 22/11/2021 19:42

Well yeah, just to add, my eldest met all of her milestones when she was a baby /toddler and she has ADHD.

She's brilliant though, she's excelling at school, very bright, has achieved wonderful grades etc.

It's not the end of the world! She was a nightmare at about 4 though, that's when I started to notice she was different, as the previous poster said.

Having said that, I wouldn't change her for the world, she's my best friend and she's wonderful!

Please
or
to access all these features

Sophi123 · 22/11/2021 21:00

Yes I feel like this 100% of the time. I was also worried during pregnancy and then my LO arrived at 32 weeks.

His early start has got me even more worried about his development and I am currently obsessed with the fact that at 8 months actual, 6 months corrected he isn't responding to his name as it appears his peers are.

On good days I can tell myself I'm being irrational and can't tell anything yet, but on bad days I become completely obsessed googling, trying to check red flags over and over etc.

It is really sad because my boy is fantastic and I wish I wasn't doing this to myself or to him.

Please
or
to access all these features

irisetta · 23/11/2021 02:25

I'll preface this with - no, your son does not present with a single red flag for autism. Neither did either of mine at that age. The eldest is autistic, the younger is not. It really does not sound as though you have an autistic child, however - if you were to, all the signs are pointing to a communicative, switched-on, social, empathic, bright and happy child - just like my eldest! He's now 7, and the autism is in no way a disability for him, because it's never been regarded as such by the people who love him, and support him. He's doing well at school, has many friends, he has a bright future, I think ☺️ My point is - we always fear the unknown. I was PETRIFIED when I first suspected my son's autism, when he was around 2. Be proactive - if you think he's having social difficulties, look up ways to help with that. A professional is great, but we can't always have that. Don't look at the label, look at the need. Early intervention is amazing - you have that opportunity! Trust your gut. And be reassured - you almost certainly have nothing to worry about. Enjoy his toddlerhood. I didn't with mine, I fretted too much 😢 Wish I could have it all again, knowing what I do now. Sending you love. X

Please
or
to access all these features

irisetta · 23/11/2021 02:32

Do feel free to PM me by the way. Your boy sounds a lot like my eldest at the age, but we had sensory issues as well - he started stimming at a very young age, and still does occasionally, but mostly alone, as a stress release, bless. Autism is unique to every person - but it is a massive spectrum. I'm fairly sure I'm on it as well! Again, hugs - please try not to worry yourself too much. Sounds like you have a wonderful little boy ❤️

Please
or
to access all these features

foreverworryingmum21 · 23/11/2021 08:10

Thank you everyone for your kind messages - I cannot tell you what a relief it is to hear I'm not alone in my anxiety.. @CP2701 - you are completely right - I think it's just having the awareness of this list of milestones and behaviours, and if our dc are not hitting every single one on time or consistently, then it explodes into anxiety for those of us that are anxious!

All your DC sound wonderful as well - diagnosis or not. It's really weird - it's not so much autism itself that terrifies me. if someone said - your son does have autism and this is what we're going to do to help him meet his potential, I'd get on with it and obviously love him as much as I do anyway, and know it really wasn't the end of the world - as it is for all of you. So it really is just fear of the unknown, and lack of control I guess - which is all very much my problem with anxiety and not my son's.

But yes - I wish I could just not worry. I wish I'd never seen some of the lists. The name responding one is a big trigger for me - as it's such a definitive "yes" or "no" - either your child responds and that's good or he doesn't and that's bad, if that makes sense? But my son responds on some days all the time, on other days just sometimes.. so what do we do with the ambiguity?

Hope this all makes sense - I'm currently on the tube and just brain dumping!

Thanks again everyone xxxxx

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Miriam101 · 23/11/2021 14:29

Hi, I couldn't read and run as this is exactly how I feel a lot of the time. It's really horrible; I wish I could just relax and enjoy my wonderful child but all it takes is some really minor thing for my anxiety- which is fixated on this one specific thing- no idea why- to spiral. So yes, I feel you. I will give you the advice I fail to take myself: get off chat boards like this!! Obviously they can bring support but they can also take you down rabbit holes that end up making you feel even crazier than when you started. I totally get it though and it's a relief just to know I'm not alone. Hopefully one day we'll feel better. X

Please
or
to access all these features

Monroebeae · 23/11/2021 17:49

I just wanted to say I empathize with you. I’m almost certain my 24 month old daughter does not have autism. I started worrying around 8-9 months (she does have a slight speech delay which is where my worries started because she used to be quiet as a baby)…but the anxiety has a horrible grip on my life. I find myself over analyzing everything and googling everything. I wish I could just not stress but anxiety is a horrible thing to suffer from. Sending all of my love

Please
or
to access all these features

FinnsMammy · 23/11/2021 21:40

@foreverworryingmum21 I know how you feel but your little guy is streets ahead of mine. My 26month old still doesn’t point and still only says Dada I have also worried about him every since he was about 4 months old. He also was a late Walker only walked at 24 months! I think my little guy is just a late bloomer but I really don’t know If he is autistic i don’t care I wont love him any less I just really want to hear him talk! Can’t help you but just wanted you to know you’re not alone xx

Please
or
to access all these features

Possum1986 · 24/11/2021 07:28

@foreverworryingmum21 - Me! I am constantly googling early warning signs for babies! My little one is 6 months and meeting all milestones however doesn't giggle much! She's never belly laughed giggle and just does small controlled "hehe" and they're very hard to get! We get good eye contact but when on our lap facing us just looks everywhere else! She's also a very quiet good baby. Doesn't make many sounds. Would coo and then stop etc. Everyone always says "wow she's such a good baby" just always so happy, smiley, rarely cries, sleeps well etc!! However everything just worries me!!

Please
or
to access all these features

AladdinMum · 24/11/2021 22:59

The Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS) which is very commonly used for autism diagnosis defines a 50% name response as "good name response" so it sounds like your son has a good name response. In addition, it has been shown many times, that in isolation, poor name response is a very poor predictor of a future autism diagnosis. I see zero concerns from your description - all young children will hand lead to some extent, it's part of normal child development. Watching other children play from a distance is more than what is expected at 15M in terms of social interaction with other children, even at 18M it would enough to pass that specific question on the MCHAT.

Please
or
to access all these features

SpodoCommodo · 24/11/2021 23:23

Yes, constantly. I posted a thread a week ago worrying about my 10 month old who is behind in gross motor skills and doesn't use any gestures yet- doesn't wave, clap or point. I worry despite the fact he does respond to his name, instigates games, has loads of back and forth interaction, shows me things and pretends to feed me. I have become fixated on the lack of gesturing as I know actual spoken language isn't too important at this age. It is exhausting.

Please
or
to access all these features

LáraBjorg · 15/05/2022 12:51

hi - i can see this is an old thread. But I am in the same boat, constant worry, anxiety, googling. Always trying to reassure myself. Some days are good others not so much.

Please
or
to access all these features

Boymaman · 15/05/2022 14:51

I feel I could I have written this too- I am constantly worrying about my 7 month old. I know it’s way too early to know anything but I just can’t stop myself. I’m constantly looking at old forums on here and I think it’s stopping my enjoyment with him. Any tips that helped people with their anxiety much appreciated! X

Please
or
to access all these features

kass12 · 17/05/2022 08:40

I was in exactly same boat and to be honest, my best advise would be to find a good therapist and maybe with combination of some medication. I went on antidepressants way too late, when my girl was around 11 months. By then I was just a shadow of my old self, anxious and without the will to wake up. Now I watch videos of my DD back then and see how lovely and fun she was , but all I could see is stimming, poor eyecontact and so on, I can hear myself on camera, calling her name over and over with a worried voice, honestly poor child..

I guess my main problem was that I needed that strong connection, so she would acknowledge me, appreciate me (from a baby 🤦). I simply needed the reward for all the sleepless nights , 24/7 attention and as soon as she started calling me mummy and giving me a hug I let my worries go. I didn't care anymore if she has something or not, I had that bond and that was the only thing that mattered for me, to find this connection between us. To be honest, I think if I didn't have the medication, we wouldn't find find this bond because I would be forever consumed by worries and intrusive thoughts.

Please
or
to access all these features

LáraBjorg · 17/05/2022 14:33

it is amazing to see how many moms out there are feeling the same way as myself!!
I have been worried about my son since he was 7month old and he is 9months now. He gives poor eye contact, but otherwise a very healthy and happy little guy who crawls since 6months, sits well and walks when standing up against things. He gives me eye contact only when I am doing something that he finds interesting like combing my hair, showering, brushing my teeth or clapping my hands. There needs to be something happening in order to get is attention. I always looks at me and smiles when I am doing "peek a boo".
However in situations it feels like he just doesnt see me. I always need to work on it to get him to look at me.

He does not "stim" and he is VERY curious about all sounds he hears, he wants to find out what is going on. He however does not look at me when I call is name unless I sort of "sing" is name!! Its weird.

Anyone else with a similar guy?

Please
or
to access all these features

LáraBjorg · 17/05/2022 14:37

Can you tell me what it is that worries you?
like to know if it is something similar to my case

Please
or
to access all these features

Kinderbueno89 · 17/05/2022 18:52

@LáraBjorg hi I have a very similar sounding one in terms of eye contact! He loves peekaboo but he wouldn’t seek out eye contact unless it’s a very high energy game / singing / doing something funny like eating etc. There’s a few other things that concern me such as not looking at me when I’m talking and a few delays in his motor development but it is mostly the eye contact that concerns me.

@kass12 I really liked your message and think what you said is so important 😊. I do try not to put my expectations on him.

@Boymaman also here for any tips!

Please
or
to access all these features

LáraBjorg · 17/05/2022 19:42

@Kinderbueno89 mine doesnt look at me when I am talking either. He only looks when I am doing something particlat. Like when I am showering he is constantly looking at me, almost fascineted. He makes all kinds of sounds, but I wouldnt call it bable. How old is your boy?

Please
or
to access all these features

LáraBjorg · 17/05/2022 20:05

@Kinderbueno89 same here, Its mainly the lack of eye contact that worries me. It is interesting that he is much more willing to smile and look at his doll and his teddy rather than me!! Why is that? And also the cartoon figures on "little baby bum" which he loves. It is not hard to make him laugh either. But again its the lack of eye contact and overall engagement with us that is my main worry.

Please
or
to access all these features

Kinderbueno89 · 17/05/2022 20:09

@LáraBjorg He’s 7 months.he’s makes a few noises but I’d say he’s quieter than he was a few months ago. He did cooing, then moved on to shrieks and it seems to be raspberries at the moment.

Please
or
to access all these features

LáraBjorg · 17/05/2022 20:21

@Kinderbueno89 mine was exactly the same at 7 months, not much "coo's" more "shrieks". Now at 9 months alot more coos and all kinds of sounds. But no "bable".

My daughter was the opposite. First "almost word" at 7-8 months. Mine is still miles away from words!!

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.