Anyone else constantly worrying about autism signs??

[foreverworryingmum21]

Hi All

Long time lurker and have always found these threads so helpful and reassuring.

Just as above really, find myself constantly worrying about signs of autism in my son (Have worried about this since pregnancy!) I have anxiety and I guess the autism worry is just part of the lack of control of the future, etc. But even so does anyone else find themselves googling red flags, then literally looking for the red flags, and then panicking even more when you spot one?

I feel so bad writing this as my son is absolutely amazing.. so I guess I'm looking both for reassurance but also does anyone else worry constantly if your dc is not ticking every possible box they should at every possible moment?

So my son is 15 months old. He is an absolute delight (most of the time!) He's super happy, smiley and giggly. He is super curious about the world - loves exploring things and places, loves playing with his toys and reading books. He brings toys to show me, he toddles over with books all the time for me to read to him (or hopefully show me). He often grabs my hand and pulls me over to play with him. He points, and sometimes points at pictures in books when I say 'Where is the duck?' etc (But by no means every time!). He babbles constantly, and has a few words "mama", "duck", "fish", and can say a few numbers and point these out too. (But his love of numbers actually worries me - he LOVES them and gets excited if we're out and he see the number 10 for example). He was an early walker and his motor skills and control are brilliant. He follows instructions "come here", "no" (sometimes). He laughs when I laugh sometimes, he likes to play "chase mummy", he copies me sometimes - if I say "ssssnake" he'll say "sssss". His eye contact is great - he'll have little babbly conversations with me looking me in the eye - buttt he doesn't make great eye contact with people he doesn't know.

BUT... despite all this I still worry. He sometimes hand leads - he can point himself and does so, but he often gets my hand to point at pictures in a book or to help with a toy. He responds to his name SOMETIMES, but if we're out somewhere new or he's engrossed in something, he ignores me. (But weirdly he'll always look if I say "look!") This inconsistent name response really worries me.

He's not that interested in other children. He sometimes watches older kids play, but at playgroup or classes he mostly ignores the other kids and happily plays on his own, or with me. Sometimes he'll sit with the other kids and play, but he doesn't engage in any way. I know he's still super young, but obviously this worries me too. He's not really a lover of other people really - he adores me, his dad and his nanny, doesn't mind his grandparents and auntie, but unless he knows you really well, he tolerates you at best. As I've said above, his eye contact with strangers is not great.

Writing this all down makes me feel really silly - but any reassurance or fellow-worriers out there would be greatly appreciated!!!

@LáraBjorg Yes I know what you mean! I have to be very animated to get the smiles etc but the carton of oat milk is hilarious and captivating without trying nearly so hard! 😅 I’m laughing about it here, but it is something I find upsetting when I’m playing with him. I’m very grateful that I can see / find things that do make him happy and entertained, I just selfishly wish it was me just being me with him.

@Kinderbueno89 my did alot of coo's at 4-5 months and then did much less of it for a while.

@Kinderbueno89 I even went so far to take him to a neurolocgist when he was 8 months 😬She said he was fine. But I think she was mainly worried about me and my mental health and therefore trying to calm me down. I am icelandic by the way.

@LáraBjorg Did the neurologist comment at all about the eye contact / your concerns? Yep I’ve also taken him to a neurologist and he’s now having some physio to help his movements

Yes, I have concerns about my twin son. I had an anxiety filled pregnancy, they were premature and after they were born, my son had some quirks around 6 months which has seen made me so anxious.

i have posted here before about the same. I have ‘good’ periods, and then I google or over analyse and get worried again. It’s so hard sometimes to differentiate between what might actually be a real concern vs what is me being overly worried.

it’s hard to explain, but I sometimes wish I never googled or knew about all these milestones and autism etc

@Kinderbueno89 no not really. She just mentioned that he looked at me when she picked him up. She said that was something that an ASD child would probably not do. And also the fact that he seems curious ans his motor skills were advanced. I think that only time will give the answer. And after seeing that so many moms are in the same boat as me gives me comfort. Maybe boys are just slower in this deparment. And the internet and all this "red flag" stuff can just make u insane!!!!

@Kinderbueno89 it was not a very scientific evaluation.

@SS1983 o yes the google-in is dangerous. And the way these "red flags" are presented is so black and white. It sometimes makes me think that the so called professionals are just trying to get us moms worried and to maybe us seek help we dont need.

@LáraBjorg yes honestly everything is a red flag if you google enough. I’m sure we inadvertently put in the search criteria as such that it fires results this way.
I made myself stop googling and reading such forums, but these do help in the sense that this thread is supportive that there are other parents that feel the same and have the same worries lately

@SS1983 Yes exactly. One webpage even went so far as saying that "most babies who fail to make eye contact in their 1st year end up with a diagnosis of autism"!!!!
I know for sure that is bullshitt!!

First I read that 1/85 children end up with ASD diagnosis. But in the U.S they claim its 1/56!! I just dont believe this. Arent they just over diagnosing

So after reading all this I got more and more nervous. I noticed my boy didnt give much eye contact at 7 month old. As time passed my anxiety just went up. I just couldnt think about anything else! Its weird how these thoughts just creep in, all the time.
It feels like I am constantly evaluating him and watching his every move and gaze. I have stopped being able to just enjoy him as he is :(
I am trying to be more relaxed but it doesnt always work.

Like someone said in this thread, it is "the fear of the unknown" that is the hardest.

Trust your instincts. I put my son on the list for services at 15 months I knew something was amiss he wasn’t pointing had no functional words and didn’t wave or clap but people said to me he’s still so young you are imagining things ….. I got him on the list and we are now in early intervention he’s 31 months now still no words and not pointing. He’s not autistic we are told but has a language delay or disorder we still don’t know he seems to be progressing all the time though. My point is you know your child best and your mothers instinct is better any anyone else’s opinions I would get him on the list for early intervention just in case as the wait lists are long we waited 10 months to be seen. You can always reject the services if he doesn’t need them. Best of luck xx

I will definately do that if he is still like this at 12-15 months.But my instinct, well, that has been wrong so many times. My anxiety however is always there, right or not right!

Hello - my doctor has said the same about my son, no talk and no pointing but not autistic. What signs did you pick up with your son?

Hello my son seems to be delayed with reaching milestones he’s not autistic and I clearly see that now although I thought he was from Google but we do play therapy class every Thursday and I can see the difference from him and the autistic kids. My son is so aware of what’s going on, social and engaging he also has joint attention, compassion and empathy and has no repetitive issues such as hand flapping for example also he’s not pointing or talking but he understands everything now all of these points I’ve noticed myself but I’ve also been told these by the professionals we have him seen by a developmental paediatrician and has his bloods taken we are awaiting on results as he has delays in both fine motor skills and language it’s considered global developmental delay . My gut instinct is he will there eventually x

I was also sure that my son was autistic from Google, even after I saw the developmental doctor I wasn't convinced because of my obsession with Google. On the internet my son is basically autistic but when I see him he is such a lovey cuddly and happy little boy. My son is much the same as yours he definitely does not miss a beat socially and is very much in our world as much as I hate to say that (as it can be offensive to those who do have children with ASD). Google is a scary place, the only repetitive thing I can think of is my son walks on his toes but also walks normally - apparently this is normal until they are 3 years old however when you mix the delays and tip toe walking it's scary.

@liajay exactly Google has me convinced and I had accepted that my son was autistic I was ok with that as he is who he is but when I see him next to the little autistic guys who are 1 year older than him I can see the difference they very much are in their own world however I still don’t know why my son isn’t speaking so we are very much still in the thick of it and the worry is real I just want him to talk autistic or not xx

I know this is quite an old thread but wondered if anyone had an update on their baby, my little boy is 6 months (adjusted 5 months) and I feel like I'm constantly worrying, I've read this full thread and literally feel like my thoughts are written out in all your messages! My main concern is his eye contact he will look at me when being changed or singing to him anything basically where his laying down but as soon as his sat up or being held he wants to just look at everything else. I feel like the worry is ruining my time with him 😕

Hello, my son is now nearly 3 and is doing well. I don't have autism concerns any longer

Thank you for replying! I'm really glad your son is doing well and your concerns went! I really hope I can shift my anxiety away 🤞

I’m sorry you feel this way - anxiety is the worst! If you can I would really not overthink or focus - we see the worst when we do. My son didn’t make eye contact , and I’d sit him in front of me to see, or call his name ( I’m sure he was just fed up and ignoring me after a point !) , didn’t point until about 20 months properly … I’d be counting how many times he did it - everything on the list. I wish I didn’t now , as I didn’t enjoy the time like I should have. Everything clicked after about 20 months. Nursery helped too. Hugs to you

5 months is just so young too

@SS1983 if your DC didn’t point until 20 months, it’s highly likely that they’re autistic.

@Twounderfive83 he isn’t , he just did it frequently later

I’m sad to have found this thread as there are so many of us in this same position.

My eldest child, 9, has been diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD. This actually wasn’t detected until he went to school (despite him going to a nursery who were experts in SEN). He met all major milestones, in fact, he was ahead of his peers in many areas. He is still ahead academically, but as he’s getting older, he is struggling more and more socially. I cannot comment on how he was with the smaller milestones as I wasn’t obsessed like I am with my baby daughter.

My baby daughter is 4 months old and I feel like I am constantly looking for autism symptoms, to the point where it is impacting my enjoyment of her. The only ‘symptoms’ she has is that she is not yet giggling or rolling over, she doesn’t push up on her arms yet (this could be because she HATES tummy time so we don’t do it often) and when we sit her up or carry her, she doesn’t maintain eye contact. It’s as though she is so interested in the world around her that she can’t focus on people. Her eye contact is great when she is lying down or directly facing us though. She is babbling and seems otherwise a very happy, engaged baby. I also find myself watching the other babies at baby groups to compare them to her, and they all seem similar developmentally. I know, I sound nuts.

What is even more nuts is that my son went undetected for years, even when surrounded by professionals, so I know that you can’t always easily identify ASD/ADHD!

@Ofal hi. May I ask how is your daughter doing now? I have also a four month old who doesn’t giggle much. Only when I tickle him. He rolls over but he also doesn’t push up his arms.
im also worried as I have an older son in the spectrum.