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Original poster

Think I have created an eating issue with DS-any tips on how t reverse this?

73 replies

smithfield · 10/12/2007 14:41

Ds will be 3 in feb- since he was 18months (or around this time)he went from eating really well, to becoming fussier and fussier.

He now eats a really good breakfast, 2 weetabix-followed by bowl of cheerios-sounds a lot I know but he asks for more at breakfast.

Lunches are ok. Apparently he eats everything at nursery, and a whole panini at his nanna's. With me he generally eats but makes a fuss unless its cheese, cheese, cheese.(as in cheese sarnies)

The meal that has become an issue is tea time, although only the latter half of the week (first half of week at nursery so just has his cheese sandwich at home) Which is when he has a cooked meal for tea.

I try and feed him for 5-5.30 at the latest, but it seems whatever I do or make for him,he refuses to eat. We went away a short while ago and he ate the same amounts during the day but still ate all his tea at tea time the difference being on this occassion he was in a different environment, and his cousin (same age) is a good eater and ate the lot. So did he.

Thing is I think the tea time has become an issue for both of us. A bit of a battleground, as ds is quite stubborn (as am I).
Im probably more uptight this time of day as I've been working. I spend time making the food (sometimes I take time to do this, mostly lately I keep it short and simple for ease)....either way it seems to descend into a battle of the wills.
I've used naughty step and negotiating (eat these two spoons and you can finish etc). Ive tried to make it more fun, making pepper boats filled with rice....trying to make a game of it.

Whatever I'm doing is obviously not working. If anything its become 'more tension' than fun and its getting worse.
How can I reverse this stalemate with ds over tea time?

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LoveMyGirls · 10/12/2007 14:45

Give him a bit of what you're having, don't make a fuss just eat yours and if he does well praise him if he starts messing about warn him "he stops or you take it away and he goes without" 1 warning then bin it and he does without until breakfast. Kepp to it he will soon learn it's that or nothing. If he is doing well with other meals he won't starve.

Don't make a huge fuss over him not eating it because that is giving him attnetion which will make him do it more. Only give him lots of fuss wyhen he does well, you can use stickers, wall charts, clapping, nice pudding etc

EmsMum · 10/12/2007 14:48

If I'd had that for breakfast and a whole panini for lunch I'm not sure I'd be ready for a cooked meal at 5:30 ... have you tried backing off and just offering nutritious but more snacky-looking food (fruit, raw veg sticks, more cheese if needbe, bread, yogurt). Or soup maybe.

OverMyDeadStuffedTurkey · 10/12/2007 14:51

I would say completely emotionally detach yourself from tea time, but eat with him anf give him whatever you're having. Put the food in front of him. Don't bribe, get cross, comment on his eating in any way. BUT don't give him anything else until breakfast.

I know this sounds really hard, but if you reward and make a big deal out of it when he does eat, that is still sneding him the mesage that it means a lot to you and therefore can be used against you as he is doing now.

What I do to make sure I don't comment on DS's eating, is talk about other things while we are eating, or tell him a story. This keeps him at the table and eating, but doesn't focus on the act of eating itself.

Good luck.

OverMyDeadStuffedTurkey · 10/12/2007 14:53

and maybe only give him a really small amount to start with, and if he eats this he gets more. It might look more managable to him that way.

BettySpaghetti · 10/12/2007 14:59

It sounds like hes eating really well at breakfast and lunch so maybe just isn't that hungry by 5pm.

They do say that its healthier to "Breakfast like a King, Lunch like a Lord and Dine like a Pauper" (or something like that ) so hes following that theory really.

Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:11

Lovemygirls/Overmy..dst- (great name btw)- problem is I 'dont' eat with him at tea time. I know I should but I wait til Dh to get in and we (cook and eat together) Unfortunately DH works long hours so this is the way we've done things. I think this has probably added to the prob.

With you on the other tips-I think this is what I find soo hard to do. So if he pushes away and will not 'even' try a bite-would you leave it at that? He seems quite happy and relieved when I say-well ok- take the plate away-off he goes happy as larry- so then I think-Have I jsut rewarded him then IYSWIM?.

Emsmum- the panini is not my choice-his nanna insists on giving it to him on the two days she has him. the two days he is at nursery he has a cooked meal lunchtime- a sandwich at home for tea.
Also he is a 'real' fusspot and he will not eat anything as a light snack other than bread (which on a day he's had sandwich already for lunch doesn't give him much variation) although he will eat some fruit ts limited to apple and banana- Ive tried soup, home made- would love him to eat it but he wont even try it.

OP posts:
Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:14

bettyspaghetti-I dont think calorie intakes an issue, just variation of diet. but Im worried Im creating an issue with how I manage his behaviour at teatime IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Pitchounette · 10/12/2007 15:14

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Pitchounette · 10/12/2007 15:17

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Meeely2 · 10/12/2007 15:20

smithfield - your ds sounds very much like my dt's - they are also three and eat 2 x weetabix in morning and a slice of toast at nursery, they have a cooked meal for lunch and sarnies for tea (they at nursery FT). At weekends, they have 2/3/4 weetabix EACH, toast/eggy bread. They have a light lunch depending on where we are and then a big tea. They very rarely eat the big tea (a few mouthfuls), but i don't make a fuss, it gets taken away the minute they start fiddling, as i figure they just not hungry. If i want them to eat a big meal they just don't get much for lunch (after 4 weetabix i don't think anyone wants lunch!), and then we all eat as a family at tea time.

Like someone else said if i don't focus on them eating, and i eat my food and chat to dh or simply ignore them, way more gets eaten.

I know they don't have a great varied diet, but they try new things when its on my plate so i'm not that bothered - plus i know they eat well for 5 days a week at nursery.

Pitchounette · 10/12/2007 15:20

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Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:21

Pitchounette - cross posted with you I think re family sitting and eating scenario. -
Yes-you are right I do need to relax- I have made this meal an issue for him. But I guess I need some guidance on how to reverse it.

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 10/12/2007 15:23

smithfield why don't you make yourself a snack too and just sit with him and chat.

Pitchounette · 10/12/2007 15:26

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Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:28

Meely- thanks for that- I really do need to take a step back and take the heat (so to speak off this mealtime) Its good to hear you have three and that works for you.

Pitchounette-Yes he loves his cheese and 'used' to love his pasta think me making things a battleground has had a negative impact as whereas he 'would' happily munch on pesto pasta or spag bol-he wont even do this now.

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 10/12/2007 15:29

sometimes when no one is in the mood to eat we have breadsticks and humous - a fav snack in our house - can replace breadsticks with cucumber slices or carrot sticks, etc etc.....

Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:31

Yes both of you are right- and you know what I think its like me getting re-assurance he 'can' skip this meal if need be. But one things for sure. I need to back of.

I have taken all your suggestions on board and I will try and incorporate them from now on.

OP posts:
LoveAngelGabriel · 10/12/2007 15:31

Could he have a hot lunch and then a snacky dinner instead?

Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:32

*I need to back off

OP posts:
Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:34

loveangelgabriel-not at the moment as I work full-time, although he does do this at nursery. He eats well at nursery, but I thinks its cos he's eating with his peers.
When Ive tried a hot meal at lunch at home at wkends- he is just as bad. So think it is actually me as opposed to the food.
Plus he is a bit of a fusspot No-more than a it of

OP posts:
Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:36

*a bit of (sorry pregnancy brain)

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 10/12/2007 15:41

he will be feeding (scuse the pun) off your tension. I bet you start to get wound up as you are cooking - i used to as I would KNOW they weren't gonna eat it. Loe and behold they didn't, and the fuss i would make, then they would cry, then i would cry - my god, hated feeding them.

Not sure what the turning point was - probably posting a similar OP on here and being told much the same as we are telling u, and just took a step back. I also find they eat better when we are out, so will go out for one meal at least at the weekend.

I had to constantly tell myself it was ok for them NOT to eat sometimes, that i sometimes didn't eat and I was ok. They are little people now not babies and tbh 2 weetabix for an adult gets us through til lunch time, i can imagine it fills a little 3yo tummy up for considerably longer.....

Just try and take the pressure off at mealtimes and not make it such a big part of the day.

Original poster
smithfield · 10/12/2007 15:49

meeely2-Hang on have you been to my house lol.
you are so right and I get worked up that he wont 'even try' it, but thinking about it he did used to try it...this has been a build up.

Im thinking now how much easier tea-time will be if I let go of the notion he 'must' eat otherwise he is being naughty, or he will starve or he will be malnourished. Its ridiculous when you put it out there isnt it!

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 10/12/2007 16:04

Can't remember which prog said it but it was something along the lines of if you get someone to stand over you, sit with you staring telling you to eat, just a bit more, a bit more and getting annoyed when you don't then wiping your face in between mouthfuls and see how much you eat, it shows you what its like to be a child who doesnt like to eat or something like that, take a step back and try to imagine how he feels when eats.

I'd also strongly advise you eat with him, it can't be very nice to sit and eat on your own plus then you just do a bit extra for him than you would for yourself so doesn't feel like you have gone to all that effort just for him to refuse it, if you cna plate some up and give it to your dh when he gets home. My grandad says my Granny used to keep his in a plate on a saucepan of boiling water with the pan lid over it, kept it hot and didn't dry it out liek microwaves do - top tip or get a slow cooker!

mistlethrush · 10/12/2007 16:07

Have you tried making pizza with him - my ds (2.7) loves this and always eats a huge amount when he does this (he knows that he made it) - in fact, you might find this helpful with anything that you're doing for him...

It doesn't sound to me that he's eating a huge amount, although clearly not starving either. Ds eats muesli for breakfast, and often has to have more put in his pot to take to nursery - where he eats this and toast. They have a light snack mid-morning, then a cooked lunch, then 'tea' (quite hearty I think) mid-afternoon - he comes home and has a decent sized supper, including a large portion of yoghurt and fruit or similar.

He does run it all off though and certainly isn't fat...