HELP... Freaked out and worried new mum having emotional meltdown...

[designerbaby]

... And I KNOW I really have no right/reason to be.

Gave birth to a ridiculously healthy 9lb 8oz baby girl almost 3 weeks ago. She seemed to get the hang of feeding pretty quickly, and I've had very little pain/discomfort breastfeeding. She only lost 100g of her birthweight in the first 3 days, and had regained it all plus an extra 2 oz by day 5. When last weighed (at 2 1/2 weeks) she was 10lbs 4oz, and has visibly grown. All this is GOOD, right?

But in the last couple of days I seems to have lost the plot.

During the day she's regular as clockwork and wakes up wanting food about every 3 1/2 to 4 hours, but she only feeds for about 10-15 minutes at a time. After this she shuts her little mouth firmly shut and will have no more. NO amount of burping/nappy changing offering second breast will coax her into taking more. Her poos have gone from yellow to greenish and very watery, and I'm worried this means she's not getting enough hind milk because of hr short feeds.

However, our evenings spiral into chaos confusion and tears on all sides... from anywhere between 6 and 8pm (depending on when the last feed happens in that time) she is impossible to settle. She is usually awake and distressed from that point until between 2 and 4 am. She seems to want to feed every 1 1/2 to 2 hours during that time (which would be fine by me if she would settle in between) but then sucks for only about 5 minutes before starting to scream and thrash around wildly. I'll try burping her and changing her and cuddling to try and get her to calm down. I've tried swaddling and sitting in a dark room in case she was over-stimulated. At some point she usually gets the hiccups which can last for up to half an hour. Then I figured that maybe my milk supply was low, so I tried preparing a bottle of formula - you would have thought I'd tried to give her bleach - she screamed even louder and thrashed about even more. Eventually I think sheer exhaustion takes over from having cried and thrashed about for anything up to 8 hours and she falls asleep.

I then have to wake her in the morning (left it until 9am this morning after a 2am finish) as she's dead to the world, for fear that she'll sleep through the day and not want to go to sleep (again) at night.

I've been using Infacol for the past couple of days in the hope that this is caused by wind, and although she burps better and farts more, the distress is still happening.

We have no resemblance of a routine... I'm worried we're setting ourselves up for months of this. I feel completely out of control and helpless - I don't know what's upsetting her or what to do to calm her down.

I've been trying to write this for most of the day - today it has all started again after feeding her at 4pm - I've just managed to get her down now after another feed at 6 and 45 minutes of walking her around the house. She's still restless though, and I doubt I'll have much down time before it starts again.

I've spent most of today in tears, feel completely exhausted - more from the emotional tension as from lack of sleep. My back is killing me from walking her around the house and I feel sick with worry and dread of another 8 hours of it this evening...

ANY ideas out there? I don't know how many more evenings/nights of this I can cope with... It's not the sleep (I can manage without) it's the 6-8 hours of distress and crying I can't cope with.

Help...

DB
xx

much sympathy, my lo was like this and it was awful colic... used to spend most of the day out in the pram as it was the only place she would settle.no advice to give , just lots and lots of (((())))) and sympathy
xx

sounds like colic to me.

dont even think about evening routines till 12 weeks, imo.

dont beat yourself up, being a new mum is hard!

you cannot 'set yourself up' with future problems, with a 3 week old- just do what baby needs/ wants and try to relax.

i was living in a parallel universe till my firstborn was 3 months. it does get easier.

take care xx

Wake her up in the day to feed her - it sounds like you are letting her sleep for the time in between her day feeds.
Being a new Mum is like being in a parallel universe I totally agree with noonar

Not sure what to say, other than I feel for you. It could be wind. We had afternoons/early evenings full of screaming from this. I think they muddle tummy pain and hunger, hence the frequent feeding during this period. I remember it seemed awful, and neverending. But it does pass - though who knows when exactly? Meantime, try tummy massage, always working clockwise which is the direction the digestive system goes in, "bicycling" movements of the legs, or letting her suck on something (your finger/dummy) as that can help. Hope there's some help there - this is just my personal experience of course. Also, I found unfortunately there's somethings though that the parents can do very little for I'm afraid, except be there. Hope it doesn't last too long.

second all of above. DS had colic and although some say gripe water does nothing, it worked for us (you've got another week before you can use it though .

And forget "routine" in evening until at least 10 to 12 weeks, there's no point trying.

definitely sounds colicky

cluster feeding is par for the course for BF babies, esp. new borns.

do you have a sling? that can be a life saver for a restless baby.. means they can be close to you,but you have your arms free to do things

sleep when baby sleeps, if anyone offers help, take it

colic will disappear by itself, just takes a few weeks unfortuantely

you will get through it

do not even give routines a second thought right now, feed your baby on demand, this will help establish and maintain your supply, and speak to someone about green watery poo, can mean not enough hind milk, IIRC.. speak to NCT, ABM , LLL

There are other colic remedies than infacol of course, though not sure what is suitable at this age, but may be worth asking your pharmacist?

hey db, unfortunately I don't have any advice for you. All I can say is you're not alone and it will get easier, but that's not much help right now is it?!

It does sound like colic to me, I'm sure someone who has experienced this will come along soon! Also, if you do have a good hv or gp perhaps speak to them for any suggestions on how to treat it.

I agree with jammy that tummy massage always helps as well, not just with the wind but maybe also helping your dd to settle down.

hth

Can I just say (and I know that all of you will jump down my throat) but I love routine and it does work! but it is hard work. I have 2 children and neither of them have been unsettled in the evenings or nights from about 3 weeks) and I believe that this is down to routine. - Just wanted to put another point of view across that some people do try routine and it does work for them - so if you want to, give it a go.

(recoils as the barrage of shouting commences)

I did have similar with ds2 - although doesn't sound quite as bad as what you're going through... the only way i could describe him to people was that he came out really angry about something and was determined to make me suffer...

... we had weeks of green poos etc...

... we tried cranial osteopathy... and i did notice improvement... however, was it the CO? or would it have improved by itself? I guess I'll never know but at the time it made me feel so much better actually actively trying stuff.

Good luck.

You WILL get through this.

desingnerbaby - it is going to be ok. Maybe not tonight or tomorrow or next week perhaps - but soon - this will pass. Have you spoken to your hv about this - is she nice? If so get her on side as she will come and visit you and give you one to one support. It may be that your dd is trying to up your milk supply by feeding little and often - I would put the bottles aside and see what happens with the b/feeding. Don't wake her in the mronings for a few days - sleep whilst she does - it does not matter if you are both dead to the world at 11.30 - just do what you need to get you through. For many, many babies the evening is an unsettled time, for some it is just awful - but you can do this! Have you tried lying her along your forearm on her tummy - sort of superman position?

could be wrong, but in a baby this young , tummy massage is def not a good idea, and the other remedy is colief, aslo warm bath sometimes helped my lo

I drank 2 to 3 cups of fennel tea a day and that seemed to work for us. Obviously it might have been a coincidence but I drank it until I stopped breast feeding. I found it best to drink in the morning then they get loads of fennel via breast milk in afternoon.

I really sympathise as these problems were with dd2, dd1 was a breeze and dd2 knocked us all for six. It will pass although I know thats not much comfort now

scoggins, I agree with you about the routines, they can be good things (my ds was also in a routine), just think in this case OP should get this problem sorted first before starting to bring in routines as don't think that's the problem iyswim!

hotbot, is that true about massage? I thought it was supposed to be good for babies pretty much from being born, with the skin to skin contact etc.

sounds like colic + first growth spurt to me. Growth spurts seem to come every 3 weeks and totally floored me and any routine we were in each time.

I echo what others have said. Sounds like a colicky baby - very hard on you, you have my sympathies . Don't beat yourself up about the whole routine / making a rod for your own back thing. There's very little you can do for colicky babies ime. Feeding frequently and for short periods is VERY normal in the early weeks, too. The main thing I would advise is to get some help and some rest. This stage will pass, i promise you.

I found that my DS was much more settled when I gave up caffeine, i.e. in my case diet coke and chocolate. It was hard for me, but not as hard as listening to him scream for hours. It might be worth giving your diet some thought if you can't find any other cause. IIRC it takes a couple of days for the caffeine to leave your system and therefore your milk.

Mostly though you can find no cause for colic so you just have to learn what settles your DD best. Definitely try a sling. Again I found that DS would settle much better in the sling and I felt better too because I could do something else with my hands.

It is hard at this age, especially with a colicky baby, but you will get through it. My DS was not a happy newborn but now has a very sunny, happy disposition. One day at a time (and no fretting about routines yet!)

Thanks for all your responses... I know this stage will pass, it's just so hard to get any perspective when she's crying and you can't seem to help.

Just spoke to NCT breastfeeding counsellor who was very helpful... suggested that the short feeds may be compounding any colicky/wind problems we're having... (something to do with digestive issues with too much fore-milk) and thinks it may be something to do with the fact that I have a very strong let-down reflex (think fountains etc.) and that when that's gone, she doesn't want to have to work for the rest of her feed and gives up. Has given me some advice about positioning to try and help, so we'll try that...

And poss. the fennel tea ? which sounds almost as revolting as the raspberry leaf stuff I was quaffing to try and get her to come out in the first place... No caffeine here since I found out I was PG, although I guess I could cut out the chocolate muffins too to be on the safe side .

She also mentioned cranial osteopathy (not in her professional capacity just from experience) - and since our LO was a fairly brutal forceps delivery (2 burly consultants hauling on her head for several minutes) I think this may be worth looking into - can anyone suggest where to look? I'm London based...

Anyway, she's off again... better go relieve DH

DB
xx

I found baby massage classes very beneficial for my ds in the early days and cranial oestopathy. A baby i am looking after was just like this in for a couple of months, now she is a dream baby!

db, a friend used a CO in Richmond, is that any good for you? I can try & get the details if you like.

Fennel tea was reccommended to me also and I truly believe it helps my baby.
I just put fennel seeds in hot water and sip it. Its not great but hey, am willing to drink it if it helps.
Its hard work but it will pass. Good luck.

Before you put this down to colic and just accept that you have a loud, unsettled baby...

Have you tried treating her as if she might have reflux (silent reflux is when the poor dc has reflux but isn't actually vomiting after feeds, so it's difficult to tell)? It sounds as if the nct think it could be that (it can be caused by too much foremilk) and can be treated by gaviscon (prescribed by gp) or other things if that doesn't work. The back-arching and screaming at feeds at signs of it -- and you'll get more ideas for treatment (+ links) from elsewhere on mumsnet.

My DS (a strapping 9 weeks now) started getting it at 3 weeks and is managing on a bit of gaviscon every day and gripe water (which they can have from 1 month -- over the counter, so worth a try). If it doesn't work, then no harm done (and things will get better) - good luck

infacol very very good
I have a pot still in date which we bought and used twice on ds2
I am happy to post on for nothing

Tis clever stuff

Can recommend someone in Kingston if that's any help.