ds1 has just asked me to kill ds2 as he does want him anymore [sad]

[oops]

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Love that book title!

We had our OT assessment today. She said ds1 definitely has issues with deep pressure and we are started some home therapy with brushing&joint compression, bean bag chair and a few other things. She said when they did some deep pressure stuff he got way overstimulated and started running around like he does at home. Hoping it helps...

Well, that's a good start! If you get a good OT, they can do a world of good.

Fingers crossed...

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Same here, ds2 is a cuddly little baby but ds1 was never like that. He never even went through the clingy stage so it has totally taken me by surprise with ds2. Whenever ds1 spontaneously hugs me it's a huge surprise. Nice, but just doesn't happen that often.

he was upset the other day and I came up behind him and kind of massaged his shoulders. He started getting really upset and saying Stop, that hurts. You just never know what to do or not to do sometimes...

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YOu have my sympathies. Your hous situtaion sounds very stressful too which I think bright kids often pick up undercurrents of stress, even if they dont understand what ss going on.

We too are also struggling with very intense, very jealous DS1 and lovely, sunny, cuddly DS2.
Think colditz has given some fab advice.
IME DS1 appreciates things like staying up late with us when DS2 is in bed and extra affection/cuddles and any one to one we can manage.
Parenting is quite unglamourous really.....
Hope things improve for you all soon.

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Meant to add, oops, that the OT recommended a workbook called the Out of Sync Child. There's a companion book to go with it, but she said one didn't necessarily have to get both. The workbook has home therapy type stuff as we just can't make it to her office more than once a month atm.

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Funny you should mention Highly Sensitive Child. I was very active on some threads about this a year or so ago. Then, some posters got all ticked off about the "labeling" issue, the thread went severely wonky and I have cut way back on discussing it on MN. However, yes there is an excellent book on the Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron. I think you would find it invaluable reading. Did I already mention the book Raising your Spirited Child? It is an excellent companion to the other one.

As far as saving it up for home, behavior-wise, that's our situation as well. He's the perfect child everywhere else, apparently. The OT explained it to me on Friday thusly: "Imagine that you are having a really stressful day at work. You hold it together b/c you have to, then you come home and take it out on your husband."

err, have to say I really got it at that point

Oh, and frightening - yes, definitely. I think even more so for dh than me b/c he wanted to pretend that everything was just fine. But it's just too obvious in comparison with ds2 that ds1 has problems coping and it's only fair that we try to help him figure it out. I guess, after all, it's in the job description...

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lol, I do that kind of thing too! I actually said to my dh the other night that the reason I clash so often with ds1 is that we are so much alike

The HSC book mentions that a lot of sensitive kids have sensitive parents. Makes you wonder about the genetic thing. I don't think it's terribly much about learned experiences as ds2 is not like that at all and ds1 has been this way from day 1 really.

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That's good news!

Have been meaning to read that book myself.