It's not an usual problem with small children but I don't know what to do...please help me mnetters...

[jenny459]

My ds (almost 3yrs) will NOT hold my hand to cross the road/walk down a busy street. This is meaning daily tantrums from him (lying down in middle of pavement etc) and extreme frustration (almost to the point of tears now) for me . WHAT can I do?

hmmm. hard. My ds went through a mini phase of this, obviously crossing the road i would pick him up or grab his wrist if he wouldn't hold my hand. Walking down the street i used to get him to wear hooded tops and then hold the hood. He started disliking this and so i told him to let me hold his hand and eventually he relented. Now, at 3.2 years, he holds mine all the time! Very important to tell him how dangerous it is not to hold hands, bend down and tell him quietly before the tantrum takes hold, how a car might hit him if he is not holding your hand and it will hurt a lot. That's what i did anyway, and the phase passed. good luck.

When my DD first showed hesitation in holding my hand when crossing the road, I gave her the option of (1) holding my hand or (2) holding my finger.

She invariably chooses to hold onto my little finger. This way I suppose she feels that she is not being held onto and it is her that is doing the holding (if that makes sense).

Thanks Ruty. I've tried explaining and I've tried bargaining. I've also tried threatening...if you don't hold my hand I will take away x and that doesn't work either .

He used to be ok (that's what is even more annoying!) this is just a new (dangerous) phase I guess.

Get some riens and tell him he has to wear them or hold your hand (hopefully you won't have to use them).

Get a set of bright pink "Princess" reigns and tell him they're for him to wear when out walking because he won't hold your hand and you need to keep him safe

Might work

"reins" (sp?)

I did wonder about reins but last time I put them on him he threw himself down in the middle of the road tantrumming because he hates them (I must add he's not really a tantrummy - is that even a word? child...this is obviously just something that pushes his buttons...and mine

Pushchair? If he doesn't hold you hand like a big boy he has to go in the pushchair.

Have you tried getting one of those rucksacks he can wear with a rein attached? Little Life make one.

Let him tantrum on the floor while calmly holding onto the reins. Show him you can wait and he HAS to be safe. It'll be short term pain (yours) for long term gain, honest.
Faced with reins and a long, boring tantrum with no one paying him any attention, or holding your hand and getting lots of praise for being a grown up boy, he'll choose the latter.

Best of luck!

My DD is 2, and whenever she wont hold hands, out we pull the reins and put them on - she soon starts holding hands because she hates them more than she does hand holding.
And if we're in town etc, where she is walking but we have the pram - in the pram she goes, she can have a little tantrum and then is willing to hold hands.

THanks everyone. I'm going to borrow the little rucksack thing from my friend who has one and try that.
I totally agree with the letting him tantrum idea and praising when he holds my hand, it's just he always seems to do it when I haven't got time to stop and wait for him to tantrum and get over it eg because I'm picking dd up from school.
I'm trying to wean him off the buggy at the moment unless it's for long trips, he really likes going in it!
I'll go ahead with the rucksack plan and see how it goes....wish me luck
(Oh and I've changed my name for these posts in case anyone recognises me as the often harassed mum dragging tantruming toddler who now is dragging a be-rucksacked toddler - I live in a very small place )

i've never had too much trouble fromdd with this but on the odd ocassion I threaten her with putting on the wrist strap. She HATES it I have got as far as putting it on my wrist and holding hers to put it on and normally she does a u-turn pretty sharpih and holds my hand.

My mum used to squeeze our hands tighter when we tried to get her to let go. It worked as it hurt and we knew if we just held her hand she wouldn't squeeze. I have tried this on dd and it works too.

THese phases are a nightmare. One minute they're fine, the next you're trying to work out how to make them fine again and sharpish

Good luck

jenny459
I would create outing where you have time and you frankly don't care if you just stand there.
If it were me... tell DS you are going to the toy/cake/sweet/book shop or park or whereever he is highly motivated to go. then get to roadside and say ok now you must hold my hand. If he tantrums let him ( whistle if you can) and each time he is quite just say "do you want to hold hands and go or do you want to lay there and then go home". do try and stay cool and wave at passers by. I once had a small crowd in House of Fraser which was nice .
He will crack first and then you give lots of praise and a treat and keeping telling him how proud you are of him being such a big boy and helping you.
If he really holds out then pick him up, take him home and say we will try again when you are ready to help me.
It WILL work. It worked with DS who has special needs and he got it quickly - and with DD the one time in House of Fraser did it and I have been able to go anywhere with her ever since. Because at first she knew I would take her home and then very quicjkly it bacame such a habit she doesn't even think to protest.
Sorry for the long winded - but i remember struggling with DS2 for ages and thought i would give you what i found that worked . Nothing worse than worrying about their saftery when you are out and about..

I used to threaten the wrist strap as DS1 hated wearing it

Reins. It's the only way until they learn.

I have a 20 month old son, and he's Never held hands. I like your idea, pagwatch, and will try it next time.