do people still smack there children?

[pregnantbabyelephant]

i thought this went out with the ark, but was at a friends house earlier in the week and she shocked me by telling her dd 20 month old that if she didnt behave[ wasnt even misbehaving imo, she was eatting cake and some of it was going on the floor and just generally trying to join in the consersation ] she shouted at her that she was going to get a smack
i was so shocked

ive noticed she shouts at her a lot but ive never witnessed her smack or threaten to before?

thats plain awful.

I can't get involved in this thread. It is bound to cause trouble, but I will simply say that I think smacking children is abusive.

Some people do.

I don't because I personally don't like it or find it a necessary way to discipline my children.

But others find it effective and don't have a problem with it.

No never, I'd feel awful if I hit him - doesn't mean I don't want to sometimes tho

I have smacked DS1 in the past but he laughed in my face so I figured it wasn't going to work unless I beat the hell out of him and I knew I didn't have any intention of doing that so we have stuck with other things.

Not sure what we would have done if it had worked though.

I have smacked DS twice and he is 4. Both times it was for something quite serious. I have threatened a smack when I have been tired, ill etc but not followed through. Neither of dds has been smacked but then they have not done anything serious.
I was surprised by a girl I walk to school with telling her ds yesterday that she would fing hit him in a minute!!

Even for people on MN who have made a decision to smack, with reasons they have thought about, don't smack 20m old children for making crumbs I don't think.

But I suspect that a significant minority of parents do react like your friend.

It's depressing.

I have never smacked dd

I do sometimes say "you are heading for a smacked bottom" after a sustained period of appalling behaviour. Pretty stupid really as I wouldn't go through with it.

Actually she hates it when I shout, so I now say "I might have to shout if you continue to do x" if all else fails

I do occasionally.
These threads always go mental.
20 months is a bit young though

yes of course, there are people who still smack their children

We don't smack our nearly 3 yr old, but I have been bloody well tempted to lately, I can tell you!

A lot more MNers will have given their children small smacks than will dare to admit it, because, as MrsS says, these threads always go mental.

Smacking isn't good and probably isn't productive.. but there are circumstances where for many perfectly good enough parents, they do it.

I smacked my 7 year old disabled child a few weeks ago when he was trying to gouge out DH's eyes quite deliberately.. and DH was strapping him into the car and couldn't defend himself. Violence with violence. Not great. But I did it.

I don't smack routinely. Far from it. I would not smack a child of any age for dropping crumbs.

Oh, this thread is taking a refreshing turn. I wonder where all those usually waving their
"you are a child abuser" banner are?

Funnily enough I was just telling dp this morning about the only time my mum ever smacked me. And it was because she was getting five dc's out to school in the morning and I wouldn't let her brush my long hair. I remember that day very clearly and I believe I deserved it Just because she hit me once (and my db a few times) doesn't mean she wasn't an excellent mother.
You friend sounds like an idiot(sorry), toddlers make crumbs and it is not a smacking offense.

im sthe same CD
dd1 hates it when i shout, thats enough of a threat when she is doing something naughty
it really upsets her

They'll be on their way over MrsS.. they are probably a bit busy reporting Ruby and I to social services to post just at the moment...

We use smacking as part of a huge vareity of discipline methods. It's always a last resort, and only when they've been warned....on several occasions.

But would never smack for dropping crumbs!!! If I did that I'd be smacking both DS's (7 and nearly 4) every day as they always drop crumbs on the carpet when having a snack after school .....and lets not even mention the mess on the floor/table when they've finished their dinner LOL.

What meemar said.... that said, sounds excessive in the OP example. I think it should be a last resort thing "I've tried everything else and am running out of other options" kind of thing so it shouldn't be done impulsively, and there are usually a lot of other options to try first when attempting to shape the behaviour of a 20 month old.

I feel I should explain that when I smacked DS1 he was 2.5 we had been potty training him and I walked into the downstairs loo to find he had rubbed poo all over the walls, I talked to him calmly about it because I didn't want potty training to get any harder (although I have to say I was fuming inside) but he picked up the tractor he had taken into the loo with him and smacked me round the head with it. I smacked him on his bare leg as an immediate reaction to the tractor.

I don't think that parents that smack their children are evil, I just think that there are probably other things that could work better.
Just MHO

I think smacking, when used properly, id effective. The most important thing though is not to do it when angry, when it is oput of anger, I think it can turn into something nasty, if it is done properly and rarely it ahs the effect desired.
I also beleive that people amcking their child is alot of the time (not all) better than the parents I have seen countless times screaming in a childs face in whatever supermarket and absolutely terrifying them.
A child should not be scared, that it more important to me than the idea of smacking being abuse.

Something I said before as well, on a similar thread, when is physically handling our children abuse?? I have picked up my children and practically thrown them in their bed/carseat/buggy when they have been little terrors, I haver held their faces in a firm grip to make them look at me, many times I have manhandled them in a possibly agressive manner, I think this can sometimes get more out of hand than a smack on the hand for trying to touch the fire.

I have smacked (that sounds harsh but it wasnt a tap, nor a smack) my DS hand before for touching plugs, hot things etc but i agree that shouting or raising my voice generally works more than a smack. I threaten it when worn out but actually the best thing that works for him is ignoring or naughty step.

As for the crumbs...even naughty step is reerved for very bad behaviour otherwise it holds no meaning or purpose.

Im not perfect and havinh hell of trouble with terrible twos but smacking breaks my heart, i had it when i was a kid and it did me no harm. i love my parents and we are all very close and loving to each other. Again, it was reserved for serious things and i can prob recall all situations it happened to me!

Maybe your friend has something else going on she hasnt spoken to you about? An outburst like that over something trivial may be a reaction to other stress?

shphh, we could share a cell It'd be a nice rest!!

That'd be fab MrsS.. do you think we could smuggle some cocktail sized booze bottles in?