My son has brought me to tears today and it has to stop - for all our sakes.

[NAB3littlemonkeys]

I know siblings fight/argue/etc but this is 90% of the time. It is making me sad and upset and I feel like I have really had enough. I love DS1 so very much. I literally could not live without him and I am just so sad. If I say he will have something taken away or will no longer get it he says he doesn't care.

DD is 4 and she does screech and whine at times but a lot of the time he has hurt her or said something to upset or frighten her.

I am just so sad.

The youngest one kicked DD this morning and did it again when asked not too. I feel he is copying his older brother...

Have to go and get DD now.

NAB
i have been EXACTLY where you are. I am not commenting on you at all except that you seem so defeated. I think you are trying everything you know

no one answering your posts is trying to make you feel bad.I am not trying to make you feel bad. And actually his having so few thing that he cares about is interesting and might help.
Only havingt hose things as the things he cares about is not your fault is it? Perhaps that is an issue? Maybe he is bored silly? Maybe he is not involving you in his interests.maybe his interests are not obvious.
I have had two boys and whilst they only seem to 'do'a certain amount of stuff they have passions like card collections and fav items of clothing and rugby after school and art and stuff.
So maybe you are not really looking at what matters to him - or maybe he needs a hooby and another interest and to find passion about something?

DD is 4. I know she can be a madam. He is more likely to hurt her by things he says whereas she may shout at him and take something of his. I am less precious about her than I used to be as I have seen her in action.

Pagwash, I think I put bad when I meant sad. In that I couldn't think of anything else that would punish him. (Isn't that an awful phrase.)

DS1 does nothing but go to school and be at home. I don't do any extra things with him. I fee how on earth could he do something like Beavers. How would I get him there and feed them all and how can I leave him with strangers and then he would be late to bed, etc etc. It is all part of my depression I guess.

Sorry, Pagwatch.

Don't apologise .
I do know what it is like !
i have three too and DS2's needs made it very difficult. And when we are depressed it is so hard to see above the problem.
But i really do think you need to get him out of the house. Boys need stuff to do or they go crazy. And that would be worth disrupting food times or even bed times. Could someone else take him to a club. My DH gets home late but used to take DS1 to a local karate class lateish but on Friday so it didn't cause school problems.
He is big enough to be out with strangers by which i mean in an organized club.
If you can find a way to sort something out you will make a big change for him. Honestly - he may be making mischief because he is going crazy.
There must be something local for him? I know it is hard - I really really do. When DS 2 was at his worst i was depressed - but actually i realised that all DS1 was doing was watching how miserable a depressed persons life was. I got him into an after school karate thing first , and then rugby club with DH on a sunday and then he asked to go to a swiming club and he found his happy.
What do you think - you need to get him out and protecting him at home is not helping him .
I do feel for your situation but iit still isn't your fault you know

Right, you must find an activity for you and him to share, a once a week job.

Mine with dd1 is irish dancing. She is very good and its very hard, it needs alot of practice.
I take her, support her and help her practice.
I enjoy it, its mesmorising to watch (like riverdance). She can see how much i enjoy it and thereofre she tries harder. Its a win win situation. It gives me time to focus on her alone too.

There is another girl who goes who is one af fosterd twins. They clearly have very disturbed backgrounds and have been in alot of trouble with schools, neighbours, friends etc since they came from the home to this foster carer.
The dance teacher doesnt bat an eyelid at this girls behaviour, her backchat and rudeness etc.
It has prooven to help this girl concentrate, feel good about herself and generally have something solid and structured in her life.

Im not saying your ds is as bad as her and as troubled as her, im saying that your son and you could benefit from an activity like this.
??

If there is an activity for your ds1, but you are concerned about what it will do to suppertime and bedtime for the others, take sandwiches or packed supper for them and feed them while ds1 is in the activity. Make sure you have something for him to eat between school and the activity, and maybe a snack for after the activity. Not sweets/crisps/chocolate, but sandwich/fruit etc.

Then, when you come home, he can have a quick supper while the other two play. Then straight to bathand bed. Even if they miss baths one night it won't matter.

I know how difficult it can be to find solutins when you're depessed, or swamped by the issue!