I HAVE TO DO AN ESSAY ABOUT SMACKING CHILDREN.....TELL ME YOUR OPINIONS PLEASE

[fawkeoff]

i am doing an essay about the smacking law and want to know the peoples pros and cons, if you think that the law should be changed....should it be banned or should it be slacker.i would appreciate if you could give me personal experiences as well

scrummy how awful

Ok, have googled it. It is from the organisation Kinderschutzbund, which is similar to RSPCC. They write on their website:

Kinderschutzbund defines Non-Violent upbringing as follows:

Children are to be respected, their rights considered. They shall not be threatened with violence, and not be degraded or ridiculed.

However, parents are not robots, with perfect reactions to their children. They are human beings who make mistakes, then apologise and learn from their mistakes.

The Kinderschutzbund has been active since 1979. In 2000 the law here in Germany was changed:

Children have the right to a violence free upbringing. Physical punishment, mental trauma and other debasing measures are illegal.

Perhaps something like this could be offered in UK.

Scrummy, that is terrible. You are quite right to stick to your guns.

apologies if this has already been said

The argument "They don't understand logic / reasoning / an explanation" is sometimes used for smacking. Neither do patients with severe dementia, but it would (quite rightly) be horrifying if they were being smacked.

The one problem I do have with a law banning smacking is to do with whether it would be applied with common sense. My parents never smacked me, but I do remember as a very young child my mum smacking my hands away from the oven. I assume it was an immediate reaction to avoid danger rather than a punishment. Could she have been prosecuted? (I know it's very unlikely but in principle?)

It's nto a sign of good aprentinga nd there are alternatives thata re far better, but if you do smack once or twice (and by smack I define it as one quick smack, with pre-warning and no anger display) then it won't kill them and you'll do far more harm constantly apologising and beating yourself up emotionally.

Work out what happened, deal and move onwards mroe informed.

FWIW I was smacked- a lot and with various things- and it DID ahrm me, but so did Mum's constant dispalys of apologetic cryinga fterwards. Kids need to see you calm iand in control.

And if you're worried you're gonna lose it, talk to crysis or parentline- thats what they're there for.

Parenting skills should be taught at GCSE level to all- even if you don't have kids yourself, most peole become an Aunty, or a step aprent, or a Godparent at some point and hence spend time having responsibility for small kids. We had the chance to study child development at GCSE nd the head of year was campaigning to make it compulsory with ittle success.

Putting some more cash into schemes such as HomeStart that actually support good aprenting as well would help- too many are going bankrupt at the moment yet research shows they save social services a small fortune.

I don't think it's necessary but at times you need an immediate action that will get an immediate response, like a swift tap might be more effective instead of the time it would take to say don't jump on to that train track/run infront of a car and then have to give an explanation. I don't think you need to harm a child and there are more effective means to manage behaviour but rarely it is instinctive and ok. If you ruled it out you could lock up perfectly good parents. Imho screaming a torrent of negative abuse is more damaging than a quick light tap on very rare occasions

"Imho screaming a torrent of negative abuse is more damaging than a quick light tap on very rare occasions"
completely agree with this

smacking is a crude diversionary tactic that fails to address the symptomatic behaviour you are trying to address/extinguish. smacking does not offer any propensity for the child to learn/change its actions

it is an abuse as we only do it to wee ones we can physically domoinate, and get away with it. if a 6'4" person really made you cross/caused aalarm/compromised safety you would have to use verbal reasoning to diffuse situation.so why not verbalise with child

scottish mummy could you tell me when the outright ban came into place in scotland???

Have namechanged for this!
Not sure you'll get a full range of views here, as no one likes to be shouted at (even on the internet!) so I doubt you'll get many of the occasional smackers me, last week, first time in a very long time coming forward.

Crude, yep. Poor parenting? Quite possibly -- I can be a pretty poor parent at times. But as a 'diversionary tactic' that startled him out of some truly awful behaviour and got us to an urgent appointment on time, it worked right then and there. On the way, incidentally, he apologised for vileness. So did I. By the time we got there, we were on good terms again, and the whole thing was over (unlike pocket money fines, removal of computer time, etc, etc.).

Personally I wish that something else had worked IN TIME for us to get out. Suggestions?

ECB thanks for sharing your views. I don't want this to be taken as an attack on you, I just want to understand, if you were caring for an elderly relative with severe dementia would you have the same attitude?

Elderly relatives

a) have earned their respect and should not be disciplined in any way and it is entirely inappropriate to do so - unlike a child

b) are not there to learn anything.

c) Do not behave like children, have the same needs, or the same reasons for their behavior.

Incomparable in my opinion.

fair enough to a and b
would disagree with c

althoupgh I don't agree with smacking children, I don't believe EvilChildBeater should be prosecuted for that, or that she's anything less than a good parent (based on her post which is all I have to go on). If she had posted with her elderly mother in place of her DS I would be horrified. So I obviopusly somehow believe that smacking a child is different from an adult, I just can't expolain it.
Apologies for typoos, spoilt milk; on keyboard

You can't compare a child- who after all is a person up to 18, not necessarily a toddler (my Dad still hit me on occasion after school leaving age) with an adult with dementia (or presumably any challenging illness sucha s schizophrenia or autism). A chidl ahs the potential to learn, an adult with dementia does not; a child older than say, 10 (amend to suit personal beleifs) DOES have capacity to know right from wrong.

Still doesn't change my non-corporal punishment in the main stance, but the two are not comparable.

Ok, I will let you have part of c, in that thy may sometimes beha\ve exactly like children ... but the reason is dementia, not immaturity

here

Ohhhh nooooo ^wrong thread

wrong thread i think

yes, i suppose if youp are smacking children to teach them then the argument (mine) is wrong.

I like Alfie Kohn on all this stuff - he's very anti punishment, edging towards a TCS-y common-preference-y kinda thing.

I don't see a huge distinction between smacking, naughty steps, time outs, dressings down, removal of child's possessions and all those other 21st century disciplinary methods. Smacking is assault. Time out is a little bit of solitary confinement. I think they are all counter productive in the long run, undermining child's trust in parent, parent's role as trusted advisor, and failing to take into account parental fallibility.

But I'm a bit of a weirdo libertarian type, bracing herself for a flaming.

Colditz - If I have read it right then I would take issue with your with point (a). Do you think that children have to earn our respect?

I think that they are less deserving of the respect one shows to an adult. I feel they should already have a certain measure of respect, but I certainly do not respect a 3 year old the way I respect a 73 year old.

emmaagain - also found naomi aldorts ideas interesting and in a similar vein to alfie kohn, Raising OUr Children Raising OUrselves really got me thinking about using punishment and reward system as a means of controlling children.