I HAVE TO DO AN ESSAY ABOUT SMACKING CHILDREN.....TELL ME YOUR OPINIONS PLEASE

[fawkeoff]

i am doing an essay about the smacking law and want to know the peoples pros and cons, if you think that the law should be changed....should it be banned or should it be slacker.i would appreciate if you could give me personal experiences as well

are there not different methods of discipline also for different situations? one might not smack as a general rule, but perhaps you might smack a toddler's hand away from a hot oven/pan/kettle, because it is the quickest response to ensure that toddler doesn't sustain serious injury.

my dh used to work for Sure start - he had to covertly report people who smacked their children to his management - this was before any LAW.

so poor poeple are always under the spot light - with the special centres and the social services intervention.

i could have done with parenting classes

parenting classes for all.....i think that is a very good solution.what age do you think the child should be when parenting classes are introduced??? or do you think that they should start with ante natal care

wannabe the argument that many smackers use is that it works well in my view I would rather my child repeatedly sat on a naughty step etc etc than was regularly whacked
you will not find one single professional body that is involved in working with children who support smacking it is assault no more no less
parents who claim it works need as others have suggested parenting lessons not encouragement to hit their children
and as for the argument that some children need it well those are the children who need it least and need positive parenting the most

this info may be useful

what age do you think they should stop???

ok...rather than engaging in the whole "i smack my kids and it never harmed me..." OR "I never EVER smack my kids as it teaches them violence is good..." etc, here is a thought on the subject;

I was in the kitchen this morning making breakfast for dd3 and she was climbing to stand at something close to the cooker. I told her "no" and "off" (which she does understand), and she did not listen. I removed her from the area.

She went back towards the same place, and i warned her away again (this time before she started climbing), and then removed her again, giving her a toy to distract her.

The THIRD time i didn't warn her, i just removed her, but accidentally knocked her on the oven (which was not on btw). After a cuddle and my feeling guilty, i put her back on the floor and she didn't go back.

I find this has happened in the past...she has pulled herself up on chairs at the dining table and hurt her head on the table, so she has been more careful since. She learned (as all babies do) not to throw herself backwards from a sitting position because she'd hurt her head on the floor. Also these experiences generally toughen our kids up so they do not always cry when they land on their bum after attempting to scale the settee!

Does pain teach? Yes, undeniably. Should we inflict pain when it isn't necessary? No.

but who would be the ones qualified to teach us how to parent?

Smacking isn't just out of anger it is out of fright too. DS1 ran away from me in a car park when I was 8 mths pregnant and I wasn't able to get to him as I was the wrong side of an open door. Split second thing - I caught him and tapped his legs. I wasn't angry but in that split second I envisaged him being mown over by a car and it frightened the life out of me. Do I deserve to be arrested for that? I have to say that DS never did it again although whether that was because he realised how frightening it was or because he didn't want to be smacked I don't know.

I don't think realistically you can ban it. It would be unenforcable and open to abuse by anybody with a grudge against you. It wouldn't stop the real abusers either as they are covered by existing laws and can still get away with it. It would also demonise perfectly good and caring parents.

There is also the agrument that there is one less form of discipline that parents can use at a time when children's behaviour is getting worse. Not sure about that one but certainly the behaviour of older children is getting worse and they know they can get away from it because their parents feel powerless.

Another argument - when is a hit a hit? I could probably do far more damage pushing a child that I could hitting him or her. Drafting such a bill would be very hard and if the line drawn between legal and illegal is difficult to draft you can bet it will be even more difficult to enforce and take to court.

That is not to say it is something I want to be able to do myself but I don't think there is any point in legislating against it.

Antenatal. then again, a reminder at one, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 10.

if everyone in the ocuntry who had a kid had to go to them - then her could be age appropriate ones so antenatal could deal with that - post natal deal with that - then when they start crawling - this is when the distraction technique or whatever could be introduced.

the law is an ass to appease the hippies and the right wing nutter - it means nothing

would it be a good idea for the health visitor to do the parenting skills when she visited at the house???

I have occasionally smacked my DCs when I have lost my temper. Afterwards they went on doing the same thing and I felt awful for smacking them.

I know logically that smacking is wrong and that it is showing them that when you run out of rational arguments, you hit. Wrong on so many levels. This is why DH and I have agreed to support each other as much as possible so we do not get to this stage. We have searched and found alternative methods that work better.

While I believe that smacking is wrong, I do not believe it should be made illegal or that parents should be prosecuted for smacking their child. The money used for courtcases would be better spent on parenting classes.

Of course pain teaches, that's the whole reason we have pain receptors - to teach us not to do things that damage is. Pain comes before physical damage happens - to teach us not to do it again or go any further. Our bodies came before speech, I think, we had to learn somehow.

pain inflicted by other does not teach IMO

No beause they are all nuts and there are not enough witnesses to what she tells people to do. They need to be in public, with a lot of people, there needs to be a syllabus with open ended question time at the end, and the course tutors need to be accountable for what they say. Not 1 nutter touting her views door to door.

It does teach, it teaches that sometimes that person inflicts pain.

It may not teach what you want them to learn, but it does always teach

good point colditz does anyone agree with me that it is harder to know if a child with darker skin is being physically abused???should there be more to protect them??

Hmmm there was a big hoohaa a few years ago, after the Victoia Climbie case, about racial discrimination with black children's injuries being overlooked as they are harder to see.

I have my name down for a course starting in January, "Starke Eltern, Starke Kinder" which means "Strong parents, Strong Children". It is offered by our kindergarten in conjunction with the town (I think) and is an exchange of ideas to help parents cope. It is a 6 week course as far as I remember, once a week. I am not sure who finances it, must be state financed though.

i was ofered to go on a parenting class by my HV, but it was during the day and i am in full time college.she is going to let me know if any come up in the evening.i was shocked that they havent got an evening one set up actually due to parents with work commitments

from here "Section 58 of the Children Act 2004 Review(consultation)"

66.102.9.104/search?q=cache:RIlJHoNaKYsJ:www.dfes.gov.uk/publications/section58review/pdfs/S58%2520R eview%2520Consultation%2520Report.pdf+black+skin+smacking+bruising&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=uk

linkabove is says on page 9

"Have the changes to the law had a differential effect on different groups
of children and parents, including on the grounds of gender, race and
disability, and if so, to what extent?
82 (42%) respondents were concerned that section 58 discriminates unfairly against children from different ethnic groups. It was felt that marks would show up more
clearly on children with white skin, which could put their parents at greater risk of
being charged with actual bodily harm. Others commented that marks would not
show up easily on children with black skin and that this could result in their not
receiving the protection they need from abusive parents. 28% of practitioners were
concerned about this.
51 (26%) commented that physical punishment of children, often involving the use of
implements and leaving a mark on the skin, is considered appropriate in some
religious and minority ethnic communities. Respondents felt that some professionals
are wary of challenging such parenting practices for fear of being accused of cultural
insensitivity. It was felt that the present legal framework does nothing to improve the
situation, as it permits abusive parents to defend their discipline methods on the
grounds that these are deemed ?reasonable? in their family?s culture.
40 (21%) respondents did not know how (if at all) the changes to the law have had a
differential effect on different groups of children and parents.
27 (14%) said the changes to the law had made no difference. These respondents
said that those parents who previously inflicted inappropriate physical punishment on
their children were continuing to do so, regardless of gender, race, age or disability. "

thankyou OBIONECUSTYNOBI

didya jsut call me a nob?

heresmore from the "Times Online" from June - but has a quote you could nick from teh childrens minister

also you could quote the time online as saying "Campaigners also point out that the law is meaningless for black youngsters, whose skin does not show bruising or reddening as obviously as white children."
women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article1937667.ece

Four years ago, my MIL smacked DS2 who was then 4. He was not being naughty just giddy along with his two cousins then 4 and 6 who were also smacked (this was in her house). I was shocked. SIL did not like it either but would not say anything as she lives in Amsterdam and would not have anywhere to stay when she comes over. Decided not to say anything there and then but come home and speak to DH. He was not happy about situation. A couple of days later, he visited his Mum and politely asked her to leave any smacking or discipline to us. She threw him out and told him she did not want to see our boys or him ever again. We had a nasty letter from the other SILS (who have no children) and said we had caused his Mum a lot of upset and we had branded her a child beater and that she only "tapped" DS2. When is a tap a tap and a smack a smack? We have not seen or spoke to his family since that fateful August day four years ago (not our choice as they said if we did not apologise then they wanted nothing more to do with us.

lol ta