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Original poster

Are first children always the more selfish ?

22 replies

Kayleigh · 26/10/2004 12:10

I took ds1 and ds2 to the park yesterday and after playing they had an ice cream. Ds1 then wanted to climb a tree (not high !!) so they both ran off lollies in hand. Ds2 then came back and asked me to hold his lolly saying "I don't mind if you lick it mummy". Two minutes later ds1 asked me to hold his lolly while he got down saying "Don't eat any".

This incident really sums up their personalities to a large extent. Don't get me wrong, ds1 can be generous and is very loving. But on the whole i would say ds2 is by far the more giving.

I would put this down to the firstborn not having had to share (on a large scale) before the second child came along. In my case 3 years. Whereas the secondborn has always had to share as there was someone there before him.

Does this ring true with your family ??

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charliecat · 26/10/2004 12:12

I have the same age gap as you and I have the same problem...my friend has a 13 month age gap, the oldest one was too little to know about sharing and both her kids are kind and share.

kalex · 26/10/2004 12:45

No, DD aged 6 will share, DS aged 3 won't, She constantly gives in to him, and if she doesn't e throws major strops

Miriam2 · 26/10/2004 12:54

Yes ds now 12 hides his sweets, dd 4 years younger would give you her last Rolo. I've always thought that they see you 'babying' the younger one(because they're little and you have to!)and feel jealous of that bond- though they can't remember how super devoted you were to that first baby!

jolly4 · 26/10/2004 14:14

god help me then i will hve a seven year gap!

roisin · 26/10/2004 15:22

My boys (5 and 7) both share well, and are equally generous with each other and other children. But the age gap is just 22 months, so maybe that is the reason.

Blackduck · 26/10/2004 15:27

No - my brothers are 20 months apart and I'd say as children the older was more 'generous' than the younger. My sil has a boy (the oldest) and a grl - the girl is more 'selfish', te boy will give you anything....

Bozza · 26/10/2004 15:48

I was the oldest and when we were children I was always the last to chose when someone bought the three of us something. DS is very generous and when asked for some of his chocolate by some teasing relative always is very willing to offer it. DD is only 5 months so hard to say yet.

tallulah · 27/10/2004 15:39

My 3rd one (of 4) is the most selfish (and jealous), so it doesn't hold true for us

Original poster
Kayleigh · 27/10/2004 15:44

guess that's my theory disproved !

OP posts:
bonym · 27/10/2004 16:18

My dd will give anyone anything if it it means leaving herself with nothing and she has been this wasy from an incredibly only age. She is an only child currently so will be the eldest when baby is born. Her unselfish nature could be down to the fact that she started nursery 3 days a week when she was 7 mths so has always been used to sharing with other children.

Posey · 27/10/2004 21:00

Not in our case either. Dd is very generous and actually ds looks like being quite the same (he's only 22m so things can change). I think they either are or aren't, its just in their nature regardless of a lot of what we may encourage.
Dd's friend for instance is almost 8. She is so ungenerous! Her mum gave her some crisps after swimming and said "offer one to xxxx(my dd". She refused, even when her mum said she couldn't have crisps again if she didn't share! Her younger sister, who's 4 will share without being asked. Dd has another friend who's exactly the same as well.

nutcracker · 27/10/2004 21:03

My first born is definatly more selfish. Dd1 will not give you any of her sweets toys or anything at all unless you ask and even then she is loath to do it.
Dd2 would give you anything she had even if it meant she was left with nothing.
Ds is a bit of a combo of the two dd's i think as he cane be selfish but then if you make him feel guilty enough he'll give you all of it

marthamoo · 27/10/2004 21:05

My first born is 5 years older than ds2 - and is a genuinely selfless, generous little boy. He'd give you his last Rolo! And ds2 gave me one of his Maltesers today...

Cam · 27/10/2004 22:05

No

charliecat · 27/10/2004 22:07

Maybe its just us then kayleigh, my dd gets no pleasure out of sharing, in fact id go so far to say she enjoys hogging things, and she just cannot bear not to be first doing things and always thinks dd2s had a longer go...

handlemecarefully · 27/10/2004 23:44

Nope - not really...

Original poster
Kayleigh · 28/10/2004 08:19

that sounds very familiar charliecat

OP posts:
tatt · 28/10/2004 08:40

No - neither with my children or my family. Depends which one the parents spoil most.

nasa · 28/10/2004 08:55

IMO it's all personality; little to do with where you are in a family. I am the youngest of 4 and probably the most selfish! (had to fight for everything so am very used to hanging on to something for dear life)

marialuisa · 28/10/2004 10:43

Have just had 5 days of being a mum of 3 and was amused to see that my spoilt brat only childwill spontaneously offer to share anything whilst my dsis (youngest of 5) wouldn't hand over one smartie from an entire tube. Maybe there's a point when the family is so big that it's every man for himself?

Twiglett · 28/10/2004 10:56

No.. my eldest sister is the most generous person I know ... she's lovely

I however, the youngest, am spoilt rotten but I think I'd share my ice-cream

ernest · 28/10/2004 10:58

i've got 3, youngest still baby so hard to tell, but i'd say my 1st 2 are equally generous, esp with me - bit tougher on poor old daddy. oldest I suppose has edge on it, always wanting to give stuff to dbs, draw them pics etc

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