how much do your DCs do for themselves?

[auntyquated]

mine are 11 and 8
they get their own breakfast
pack their own packed lunches
pack their own school bags
pack their own PE/swimming kit
shower and wash their hair wihtout it being checked

DD is amazed that she is the only one of her friends who does these things. she says her friends say "Oh, I wonder what I have got for lunch." Why don't they know? is what she wants to know. Comments like "My mum forgot to pack my googles"

am i making encouraging them to do too much???

Ooh, just remembered: ds also makes his own sandwich, and takes his shoes off when he comes in and puts them in the porch. So really, given that he's three and has a pair of messy parents, he's doing pretty well.

I agree, Anna8888, that parents who are messy and disorgansed cannot/should not try to make their kids be tidy. It would be hypocritical. We don't do that with ds (3), and really I don't think any kids should be forced to cooperate. The ideal, surely, is reaching a point where you can reason with kids and they do it due to their own intrinsic motivation, not because they're going to get something rewarded/taken away at the end?

So if it can be fun, great; this has to be the best way for little people. Thereafter, everyone doing their share of chores would centre around discussion, reason and example-setting, I would guess? Must get to work on the latter - again.

Interestingly, though, I'm messy and my elder brother and younger sister are tidy. I'm the most creative of the three. I also have a friend who is very orderly and who has two grown-up kids, who are both messy - and very arty. Could it go with the territory, irrespective of upbringing?

Agree re messy/tidy idea. My Dad was in the forces and was obsessively tidy. I have always been messy, though, and would class myself as the creative type ! I really have to force myself to put things back where they belong - I'm a terrible example to my children but they're great and do lots for themselves!

Thanks Roisin. Have noted for a couple of years hence. Agree it's vital to have the tidying up as part of the overall routine and it's a clever idea to combine it with a small reward afterwards (eg watching TV for 20 mins). Establishing the "work before play" ethic bound to stand them in good stead for the future.

V. impressed by all the dc on this thread who are helping out.

Dd2 is actually very capable. She is better at tidying up than me, she's very organised about it. She cooks and gardens(!) and likes cleaning windows. She made me breakfast in bed on my birthday and prepares a good lunch. Oh, and she's an excellent carer to babies & toddlers - any takers here on MN???

cat64 - she's been able to hang dresses on hangers for ages and she loves doing it .

I quite agree about ironing and hot water though. In fact, I am so paranoid about the iron and about boiling water, having met/known quite a few children who had horrible scars from accidents with both, that I never iron when she is around (either the cleaner does it or I do it while she is at school or asleep) and I only ever use the back two rings of the hob.

Phew! I must say I forgot what little achievers normal youngsters can be. DS1 now 21, is still a lazy bugger, but he knows what to do. DD1 now nearly 20 is in her own place and comes homes when I'm overwhelmed and blitzes the house for me. DS2 has developmental problems caused by cerebral palsey and boy was I chuffed 6 months ago when he finally got the hang of tying his shoe laces. But he can still tidy his bed, dress/undress himself, up until a year ago it was hit and miss whether the clothes were on the right way around or not, but he tried his best he can also put them in the laundry basket and fill/empty washing machine & tumble drier. He makes a great cup of tea and persevered at making pancakes until he makes them as good as me.
My philosophy is that our duty as parents is to make sure that when our children leave home they can, cook, clean , balance thier finances and care for a baby as a bare minimum.

Gosh impressed at how many DCs make their breakfast.

Mine would probably (well, I know, because they have done it) get milk everywhere.

Also I wouldn't expect them to cut up an apple to eat (am I being over-protective?)

So I do that and prep their fruit snacks for school.

But they do:
dress selves
make beds
Put dirty laundry in basket
Tidy up toys when asked and sometimes without asking (DS1 esp)

Actaully when I look at the woman at the pool who dresses her 6yo I think we're not doing badly.
Mine are 8, 6, 4 btw.

Now tell me - these children who can make toast - are they cutting the bread? Or is it sliced? No way I am lettign DS1 loose on the bread loaf yet.

cat64 - sure, but only when she's finished teaching her brothers (12, 10) and I have a feeling there are quite a few years' work ahead of use there

My dd1 age 7 couldn't even put one plastic cup on the table for dinner last night without dropping it on her toe and having to have a cold pack applied and tears mopped. As usual, I had to do it all myself, AND look after her as well.

When she and dd2 4.10 try to get own breakfast or help in the kitchen, they always drop the crockery and spill everything. I often just let them wreck the place, without complaint, making them clean up all the mess as well in order to learn, but it is just too much extra work when I am at the end of my tether.

I think I'll progress to the coffee/tea making when she is 21.

Mine is 4, I still have to help him get dressed, wipe his bum, make his meals, put his coat on, help him wash etc etc

But

He can do loads more when he wants. He can also turn on the computer consoles/dvd/video/TV etc. I think it depends on what he wants to do.

yep He's an only child

I go by the adage that you should never do for a child what they can reasonably do for themselves!

My elder dd's (7 and 4) do (amongst other things ...)

*dress themselves, have a wash and brush their teeth
*make their own breakfast
*clear up after their breakfast and pop the plates/dishes in the dishwasher
*tidy up their own mess, including downstairs as well as bedrooms
*help to hoover/polish etc
*make their own sandwiches and drinks
*help to dress/bath the baby
*provide the baby with endless hours of entertainment

I'm very proud of how helpful they are around the house (although they sometimes need a little 'encouragement' )

xx

lol spookybatoscar & majorstress

dd can:

call emergency services when there isn't an emergency

switch on Pingo DVD but for some reason finds it more difficult to switch off

somehow climb up to the tallest shelf in the kitchen (over 6ft) to find the sweetie tin ....

DS is helpful though. When I got stuck in a blackberry bush he got my mobile out of my bag and passed it to me so I could call DH and get rescued

dd (3) can dress herself sometimes needs help with buttons, undress herself, shower with a little help, put toys away very reluctantly, and put her washing next to the machine, younger dd puts toys away, and puts her washing next to the machine and nappies in nappy bag and bin. Older children 18, 16, 14, 13 do most things washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning.

counting-My Mum 69 is also clever that way with the emergency services

I haven't read all this thread yet, but I think I need to print it out and make my DD - 8, year 4 - read it.

I still have to do nearly everything for her. The reason I do it is because otherwise we wouldn't get out the door. But....

This morning, she'd dressed herself ok except tie wasn't on properly (and its the elastic one!!) and no socks. She starts whinging that she can't put them on properly. OK, we have 5 minutes in hand so I insist. She puts one on properly and the other wonky. I readjust wonky one but she is still whinging that its not right. When she's putting her shoes on she's whinging that sock is uncomfortable and she's too tired. I am losing temper and promising early night.

Get out of door, not too late but cross all round.

Realise when we are too far to turn back that PE kit - which I've packed - is still at home, forgotten in stupid tussle to get her to put her farking socks on.

I will now have to go and take it to school. Will also call in M&S to see if I can get some larger school socks (why on earth haven't asda or sainsburies got any....)

I found this thread interesting to read. My first baby son isn't born yet, so I pretty much do everything for him at the moment. I think that it is important for kids to do simple tasks for themselves as they get older. I would definitely like to encourage my son to be independant as he grows.

blimey I am feeling quite inadequate.

I have 4 children aged 8,6,4, and 2.

Mine make their own beds, get dressed(not the 2 year old) and empty their plates after dinner and load them in the dishwasher. They also tidy their rooms and the older 2 bathe themselves.

After reading this thread I am going to encourage them to:

get their own breakfasts (the older 2 can give the younger 2 theirs and maybe we can get a lie in)
pack their own school bags (I do this the night before)
unpack/pack swimming bags (I do this)
make sandwiches
clean the guinea pigs out
hoover maybe and do some other chores

I have just taken the view that it is easier to do it myself, but maybe it's time for a change

Spookybatscar, our DS is 4 and sounds just like yours!

You know, isn't it weird how no matter what issue is important for you at the time, there's always something on MN about it!! I logged on to see if anyone had ideas about boys doing things for themeselves and straight away found this!! DS has just started reception and his teacher has already commented on how he doesn't like to tidy up and how it took him 40 mins to get dressed after PE
So, new push for responsibility here!! It's hard for us as both DH and I are really untidy and useless with systems, but here goes

Ds1 who's 8 next week can do just about everything that mn's have already mentioned..maybe not the tutu....He also collects sticks and stacks logs for pocket money at the weekend.
DS2 who's 6 can do just about everything....but does......NOTHING....and lets ds1 do it all for him!

Ok..I'm over exaggerating..but my god is he bl**dy lazy!