how much do your DCs do for themselves?

[auntyquated]

mine are 11 and 8
they get their own breakfast
pack their own packed lunches
pack their own school bags
pack their own PE/swimming kit
shower and wash their hair wihtout it being checked

DD is amazed that she is the only one of her friends who does these things. she says her friends say "Oh, I wonder what I have got for lunch." Why don't they know? is what she wants to know. Comments like "My mum forgot to pack my googles"

am i making encouraging them to do too much???

Mine are 6 and 4 (ds1 at 17 months does nothing!)
they get their own breakfast
get dressed themselves
pack their school bags but not lunches
brush their own teeth
make their own drinks/snacks

yes - i think mine started off with that at about the same age.

I'm with you AQ! and my boys think they are very hard done to. But I think secretly they are pleased with their knowledge and independence.

I discovered this week that one of the most challenging children at school (secondary) doesn't start his day until his mum has brought him breakfast in bed He's about 14

Mine are 8 and 10
they get their own breakfast
make their own sandwiches/toast for tea
pack their own school bags
pack their own PE/swimming kit, and unpack it hang it out to dry
pack their own suitcase when we go away
make scones, muffins, baked apples etc. after school if they want
they do 1 chore a day on schooldays, and know how to do most chores in the house (e.g. clean bathroom, sweep and mop floors, hoover, dust, empty bins, sort recycling, empty/load w/m, d/w and tumble drier, program and switch on)

Completely rubbish on independent personal hygeine though!

They also know how to make a cup of coffee.

My DS1 is 6 he has to put his clothes away when ironed. pick up dirty laudry in room. Put recyling in bin and milk bottles on step. Load his plates in to diswasher.
I have friends who with children same age and younger 4yrs make them do the same even load and unload dishwasher as well.

I think it is good to make them do stuff. My DH still thinks I am like his mum and will do everything his mum does for him when we stay with her and he is 35!!

hmmm..good idea re the coffee
dd can amke a cup of tea but it does have a strong resemblance to dishwater so coffee might be a better option.

i forgot about cooking - they can follow a recipe for pretty much anyhting

and if they ask if they can paint -which the only very occasionally do these days- the answer is YES as long as they get it all out and put it all away.

DS (11) & DD (9) pretty much the same as OP.
DS irons own school uniform too.

I reckon that it is about right. They need to learn some independence but not be left to flounder.

We are not very good at household chores though...will load and unload dishwasher, set and clear table

I don't drink/can't make tea - so not complaints there!

I was a very proud mum when this first happened. I staggered in from work (it was probably a Thursday) and ds1 commented, "Mum, you do look tired". Five minutes later as I was collapsed on the sofa he came in with a cup of coffee for me.

He doesn't do it often unprompted, but is quite happy to make me one when I request.

i reckon that due to the few responses on this thraed we may well be in the monority.

so if you do these things for your DC, why do you do them?
this isn't meant to be critical - i am seeking POVs
is it because you always have?
is it because your DC wouldn't manage to do them?
quicker for you to do it? etc etc

Mine are 9 and 5.
They bathe independently - although I still have to tell them when
Make their own breakfast
Make their own snacks
Are responsible for their own clothes, ie make sure everything is in the wash basket, put all their ironed clothes away.
Pack and unpack dishwasher.
Set the table and clear the table at family teatime.
Make me coffee and toast in bed on Saturdays .

They also walk home from school everyday by themselves, (which allows me to work extra).

I think that they both really love that they have alot more independence than 95% of their peers, not sure that they love the fact that they also help out alot more than 95% of their peers

mine are just 5 and 20mo - so slightly different.
I probably do more for ds1, because of ds2.
DS1;

• clear out lunchbox when he comes home and puts it for washing.
• clears his plate from the table to above the d/washer (moving this to in the d/washer).
• gets himself a drink (after he asks me for it and I tell him to get it himself), but I will often get him one when I get ds2 one.

Doesn't do anything with clean clothes (hasn't crossed my mind), I sometimes ask him to put the dirty ones in the basket, but mostly just pick them up myself.
I bath them both, due to ds2's age (do it together).
He sometimes makes his own breakfast - but while I am there making ds2's.

So while he doesn't do as much as some of the similarly aged kids on here, it is probably more due to the younger sibling. He will help with stuff that I ask (put that it the bin etc) and he tidies up his own toys etc.

ds is 14months so probably not very relevant, but is given cloth to help wipe down table and highchair after every meal; his job to take plug out of bath and post bath toys in bag; am currently teaching tidy-up-time with toys in toy box (with me)and we mostly there. intend to do put dirty clothes in basket soon as he can walk.

am very interested in this thread as not sure what expectations to have-my philosophy is to make all this fun and natural part of day to day life. ds so proud of himself when he helps!

I want my two to learn to peel potatoes and carrots, but they are hopeless and can't get the hang of it at all.

I always said that before ds1 starts secondary he should be able to iron a shirt (make that 5 shirts every Sunday evening). But that deadline is looming and he's still a bit iffy ironing a hanky or a teatowel!

He's also a bit of a liability with a knife; ds2 is much better chopping carrots and so on. (Though he did slice his finger a bit the other day when he was helping me make some soup ... oops!)

DD and Ds can peel carrots but not potatoes however the carrot peelings go EVERYWHERE.

we don't iron shirts in this house - M&S non-iron every time! ( I send my ironing away too so would be cruel to leave theirs...or would it?????)

This thread is v interesting, as I would love to encourage mine to help. I have DD's - almost 3 and 4 months...and I currently seem to spend every other minute cleaning up after DD1. Her speech is excellent, and she's smart as a whip, but her motor skills don't seem to be as developed...she will drop or spill any food or drink I give her, unless closely supervised, and loves making a mess. I think it's partly an attention-getting device, so I'm trying 'tidy-up games' (with songs) and lots of praise for e.g. putting nappies in the bin, picking up toys on the floor...but it's really knackering. Hoping she will grow out of this phase!

come on and add your thoughts

DD is 5.5yo.

I guess I still many things for her, although that is through choice.

DD gets herself dressed in a morning, although still needs a little bit of help with top button and tie, and anything that fastens at the back.

DD gets herself washed in a morning and teeth cleaned. I supervise night time cleaning tomake sure that get at least one decent brush a day. She will shower on her own, but I sort shower out first and I tend to wash and rinse her hair for her.

She gets herself snacks and drinks, but only after asking if okay first.

We still sort breakfast and other meals out, and no hot drinks to be made by DD.

I pack her school bag generally, including morning snack. I like to make sure everything is there! I also get her swimming and trampolining bags ready - I do it in the day before picking her up from school to take her there.

She tidies her bedroom and play room, and her toys away - although she does get some help at times, and sometimes she needs a reminder or two!

She knows to put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, but again sometimes needs a reminder.

And best of all, at a weekend she knows that she can come downstairs, grab erself a snack and drink and turn the TV on for a bit

Oh and she helps set table and clear away after if asked.

mine are 17 & 14.

they can do everything. they can iron, cook, wash all proficiently.

i tnink it is encumband upon us as parents to make sure that our children are functioning members of society.

I believe that those mothers who take on the role of fetch me carry me wipe my effin arse are creating creatures that will either be the unfortunate spouse of someone at some stage - or will be unable to function when left school and or gone to university.

its your job to make them and teach them to do things as much as it is to love them

This is great for me because I am pregnant with my 5th child and have been relying on my other children so much in the last 8 months (I also have the C Difficile bug) and had been feeling slightly guilty about it! My mother did absolutely EVERYTHING for me and my 5 siblings, so much so that I left home without ever having ironed a shirt, cooked a meal, etc - this did me no favours! My 22 year old sister has never loaded the washing machine!

My kids are 9, 7, 4 and 2. They are all expected to:

• lay the table
• clear their plates, either to the sink or the dishwasher
• tidy up their playroom and bedrooms at the end of each day
• sort out the recycling boxes whenever they are full
• make their own beds

The 9 and 7 year old:

• cook dinner when I need them to, although I haven't taught them how to use the hob yet, only the oven, microwave and toaster
• make cups of tea and coffee
• look after their pets daily, and clean them out once a week
• hoover the downstairs, sweep the kitchen floor
• sort washing into light/dark, load and put on washing machine, sort that which can be tumbled and put that on, hang up the rest, fold and put away the family's clean washing

and probably other things I have forgotten! I have found that they grumble if I ask them directly to do some things, but if they see me trying to do them myself they immediately offer to help!

DD1 often says that none of her friends have to do jobs like she does, but she doesn't mind. I think it will be great for them to be independent and able to look after themselves when they are older.

I am a bit nervous about introducing the gas hob, and the ironing - DD1 is quite clumsy and I can see some major burns happening - does anyone have any advice? Perhaps I will leave those things for a few more years...

They do also take care of their own showering/teeth brushing etc, except the 2 yo who needs some supervision. And they make their own breakfast (the 7 yo makes the 2 yo his porridge every morning) and lunch at the weekends (they have school dinners). And they can all get themselves dressed!

I am very impressed by this thread! Might start encouraging ds (4) to help out a little more. At the moment he:

gets dressed and undressed by himself and knows to put his shirt and socks in the laundry when changing after school.
keeps his room tidy.
dusts with the big feather duster He loves that.
helps lay table and clear it afterwards.
helps wash the car and does bits and bobs in the garden.

He could do other things (sort washing etc) but I've never asked him to, TBH. Will definitely start though!

Mine are nearly 7 and nearly 3, they get themselves dressed, tidy their own rooms (though I do it once a week to get it to my standard)
DD feeds the cat, and does the knives and forks at the table, DS(3) does the table mats.
Erm, they both put their own clothes away as well.
I'd be happy to let DD do her own breakfast/lunch but she is so bloody messy!!! So it's less hassle for me to do it.

I think by the OP's DC's ages, they would be doing pretty much the same.