Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

how much do your DCs do for themselves?

73 replies

auntyquated · 11/10/2007 19:03

mine are 11 and 8
they get their own breakfast
pack their own packed lunches
pack their own school bags
pack their own PE/swimming kit
shower and wash their hair wihtout it being checked

DD is amazed that she is the only one of her friends who does these things. she says her friends say "Oh, I wonder what I have got for lunch." Why don't they know? is what she wants to know. Comments like "My mum forgot to pack my googles"

am i making encouraging them to do too much???

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 12/10/2007 14:16

Oh and I just remembered they sort the washing for me, as our dirty box is upstairs if I want to do a load I'll tell them what wash I'm doing and they'll throw the right stuff down.
When we had recycling boxes DD used to sort them out, but now we just have one big bin, but they both know what goes in each bin and throw stuff away accordingly.

LoveMyGirls · 12/10/2007 14:18

Dd1 (aged 8) can..
get herself up bathed, hair done, bag packed, dressed and ready in the mornings
pack an overnight bag
make toast/ lunch/ drink
Help prepare dinner (often asks to help and the other day her and dd2 made cheesecake for pudding for us all ok it was out of a packet but they did make it)
empty & wash lunchbox
Clean/ tidy up
Keep her room tidy
Put her own clean clothes away
(struggling to think of things she can't do)

Dd2 (aged just 2)
scraps food off plate and into the bin (she just started doing it one day and is a very indepdant child who screams if you try to help her)
go up and downstairs (i stay with her but she will not let me help)
put dirty things in the sink/ bin
tidy up
get her clothes on and off but I do it if we are going somewhere

WideWebWitch · 12/10/2007 14:20

Mine are 10 (ds) and nearly 4 (dd)

They both get their own breakfast
ds makes his own lunch
packs his own bag
showers and washes his hiar
they can come downstairs on their own at the weekend
dd can dress herself, inc shoes

Marina · 12/10/2007 14:25

Mine are 8 and 4
they get their own breakfast
dress themselves, including laces for ds and velcro footwear for dd
Ds packs his school bag, dd does so supervised
Clean own teeth
Wash own hair in bath (help with rinsing)
Put clothes in wash box
Clear the table of their own place settings
Dd will set the table herself with some supervision

But I think there is a lot more they could be doing from this interesting thread, so I need to get cracking

DottydotsofBloodOnTheFloor · 12/10/2007 14:26

dss are 5 and 3 and both dress themselves every morning and bring their bowls into the kitchen after breakfast/plates after meals.

Ds1 also makes his bed, draws his curtains and puts his clothes in the washing box.

Both of them get asked to do jobs (ds2 collected all the bins today for emptying) - it's part of life in our house!

Anna8888 · 12/10/2007 14:30

Daughter will be three next month.

Takes off her coat, t-shirt, vest, pants/nappy, pyjamas, socks. Puts on t-shirt, coat. Can't put on socks/tights or manage jeans.

Chooses what clothes to wear.

Hangs up dresses on hanger.

Puts tutu in the washing machine, adds detergent and turns on washing machine .

Puts dirty clothes in laundry basket.

Puts rubbish/nappy in bin.

Puts plate/cup in dishwasher.

Can use DVD player but not TV.

Has a major tantrum if I don't let her help me hang out washing/put washing in machine/wash floor/dust etc.

A girl .

Meeely2 · 12/10/2007 14:34

twins will be 3 in december and they can almost get dressed by themselves, quicker if i help though - use DVD player and tele - clear lunch/dinner things away - clear up mess they made - will even try and clean up toilet accidents if I let them! - make beds - put clothes away - put dirty clothes in laundry - one of them can lock and unlock my car - put toys away before bed - load and unload dishwasher (supervised)....

think that about it - it's not any particular regime i have introduced they just help and get upset if i'm in a rush and won't let them.

suedonim · 12/10/2007 15:26

I've just reeled off, in an accusatory tone of voice, to 11yo dd2 a list of what your dc can do. She replied 'Have you considered that they might all be lying?'

Meeely2 · 12/10/2007 16:03

you got an uphill battle on your hands there suedonim!

suedonim · 12/10/2007 16:22

Tell me about it!!

Countingthegreyhairs · 12/10/2007 16:53

Anna8888 - love the tutu in the washing machine - that girl will go far ...

DD (4) can hang up her own coat and bag after school

Can dress and undress herself and put dirty clothes in laundry basket

Blow-drys her hair (discreetly supervised obviously but have to pretend I'm not looking!)

Sets table and clears table

Empty dishwasher (once sharps removed)

Dusts

Polishes

Folds towels (I do again when she's not looking)

And the other day she chopped up a whole mini-panier of mushrooms really well. I just washed them, showed her the size I wanted and she carried on till it was done!

Roisin - I like your idea of one chore a day on schooldays. At what age did you introduce that please (making notes here)?!

kittylouise · 12/10/2007 16:56

DD 11 and does pretty much the same as the OP's kids. Also does hoovering, dishwashing, kitchen cleaning on a vague rota basis. She also loves ironing and asks to do it (LONG MAY THIS LAST!!) and likes cleaning the bathroom.

However I still have to remind her to clean her teeth, turn her telly and computer off and make her bed.

But all in all she's pretty good and independent.

auntyquated · 12/10/2007 18:03

everyone on this thread seems to be like minded; but i want those whose DCs do nothing to come and join in too.
what is your thinking if your children don't/can't do anyhting/much??

OP posts:
roisin · 12/10/2007 22:22

Countingthegreyhairs - I think we introduced the one chore per school day routine about 18 months - 2 yrs ago. (i.e. when they were about 6 and 8).

It also goes with a regular time routine. They have tea at about 5-ish, then they do a chore, if all done satisfactorily/on time they get to watch The Simpsons at 6 pm.

My sil pmsl a year or so ago when we were staying at her house and after tea the boys jumped up and asked what jobs needed doing

They just get into a routine and do these things pretty much without question.

Of course they go through phases. Atm apparently no-one enjoys loading the d/w. So I've got round that by saying everyone has to put their own plates/crockery etc. straight into the d/w from the table!

EBAB · 13/10/2007 00:57

Ds (3) puts night time nappy in bin, helps make drink, helps self to snack, will put dirty laundry in bin, and also rubbish in bin and recycling in recycle bin. He gets himself dressed as much as he can, and sometimes helps cook. He sometimes washes the shower/bath too. He doesn't tidy his toys, much.

Both dp and I come from homes where our mums did everything. I remember, as a child, thinking it was awful that my friend had to wash up. But now, of course, I think it's a really good thing. The problem is that, probably because of our upbringings, dp and I are hopeless at keeping tidy and organised at home. Our house is usually a tip, we are almost always behind with the washing/washing up/hoovering/cleaning. So it's become this intellectualised - rather than automatic - thing, whereby we've tried rotas, systemising it, etc, and still we haven't cracked it. We tend to end up thinking, "Sh*t!" and have a BIG, all-in-one-go tidy. And then friends come over and exclaim, "God, you're tidy!" and seem uncomfortable without our signature mess .

So, as much as we'd love ds to tidy his toys at the end of every day and make his bed, with us as an example, it doesn't really happen. Although he's still very little and there's hope ...

So, never mind how to get kids to do chores, how do untrained grown-ups get the hang of it?! Also, I'm intrigued about how some make their children, especially little ones, do chores.

Othersideofthechannel · 13/10/2007 08:45

DS is 4. We expect him to:

-put shoes and coat away
-put dirty washing in the dirty washing basket
-pick out his clothes the evening before, -dress himself except buttons
-tidy away bath toys or hanging up bath mat (he chooses, I do the other one)
-tidy up toys when asked

He sometimes gets involved in:
-laying the table
-sorting washing, loading machine, hanging it out to dry
-dusting
-vacuuming

He tends to do more when we make it fun rather than an obligation.

DD is nearly 3 and we expect her to put dirty clothes in washing basket and shoes in the cupboard. That's all for now. But she likes to help out with other things if she's in the mood

Othersideofthechannel · 13/10/2007 08:49

Auntyquated, hope to be where you are when my children are same age as yours.

I have a packed lunch story to share: my mum used to always make the same sandwiches. Eg if I said I liked cheese and cucumber I would have that every day for weeks until I said 'I would like peanut butter for a change' and then I would have that for weeks and weeks until I suggested ham and so on.
Eventually I got so fed up with this I took over making lunches. I can't remember how old I was and wish my mum was still alive to ask whether it was a deliberate plan of hers to make me more independent or just that she truly lacked imagination! I suspect the former!

Anna8888 · 13/10/2007 09:14

EBAB - interesting.

I have quite a few friends who are disorganised themselves who think that by ordering their children to be tidy, the children will get the hang of it and won't end up like their parents.

Personally, the more I see children growing up the more I understand how much they copy their lifestyle habits and expectations from their parents. I think that if you want to change/reform, you probably have to go through a pretty hefty intellectualising process first.

chloesmumtoo · 13/10/2007 09:37

I have ds 10 and dd 5. Umm...............well ds will get up and dress himself obviously lol but dirtywashing ect does not end up in basket for sure and clothes are rarely folded unless prompted! He will come downstairs and make his own breakie, occasionaly do dd's but not often. He will bath and style hair ect make us cups of tea when he wants biscuits lol. Been surprised at your threads and what your dc's do. Although ds has on occasions made us a breakfast in bed. His hearts there with dishes and will offer to which I decline, makes to much mess. Never does his lunch himself as I do it but does pack his school bag. Dd cant do a great deal herself as in the mornings is usually in special eczema clothing when wakes and needs creams ect before school. I am a SAHM and so dont have the pressure to leave the house in good condition as I can come straught back to it and crack on!

roisin · 13/10/2007 10:41

That's an interesting point chloesmum. When I come home from work I want to spend what energy I have spending time with the children, as well as doing my chores, but not tidying up after them. So it's important that they learn to pull their own weight. In a regular week am never at home without them, so never have the chance to just crack on undisturbed.

JackBlackRoady · 13/10/2007 10:42

I love reading this - my son is 12 now, and I always had the idea 'if he can do it himself, then he will do it himself' and although there are times where it is a battle, it does work, he is so much more independent and aware than his friends. My friend heard him say to her son (same age) "i want to wear these jeans tomorrow, so i'm not going to slide down the tree, they won't wash and dry in time" !!!!!!!!!
He puts dirty clothes in wash bin and weekends puts a wash on, if he's in he'll also hang it out or up on the line inside, although I have to help with duvet covers etc. He'll strip his own bed and make it again, only he puts clothes away. He'll iron shirts and other stuff of his, always makes his own lunch for school and is responsible for his own bag when going anywhere. He usually washes up if I cooked, will hoover if asked, is great at tidying... actually reading this thread has made me more appreciative of him!

Othersideofthechannel · 13/10/2007 11:18

What's your secret? Go on tell us how you achieved this!

boo64 · 13/10/2007 13:12

But I wonder whether it is much easier to get toddlers and pre-schoolers to help as they mostly like helping whereas with school age kids start getting stroppy about it?

My ds is 2.3 and does a lot of helping but he enjoys it and it's still all a game to him. He does:

  • emptying the dishwasher and putting things away where he can reach espec loves putting the cutlery away in the drawer (sharp knives removed beforehand!)
  • putting clean and dirty clothes in relevant places before bath
  • putting rubbish in recycling bin and main bin (I also find it encouraging that this generation will just grow up with recycling as the norm) etc.

But yes he does it as it's all fun for him and I'm sure it won't last!

Interestingly this has reminded me of something when I was a child - I remember my dad telling me I had to help my mum but not always asking my brothers too and when I questioned this it was because 'you're a girl'. I'm so glad things have moved on somewhat since those days!

gibberish · 13/10/2007 13:22

Mine have always helped around the house, from when they were tiny. dd1 and dd2 (14 and 12) can do everything - cook, bake, clean, iron, laundry etc. dd3 and dd4 (8 and 6) help out as much as they can. They love having a go at the hoover but their jobs are clearing the table and dusting. They all pick up after themselves and tidy their own rooms. dd3 has taken over from dd2 and started making coffee and tea for us. Wonder how soon the novelty will wear off... dd3 and dd4 shower themselves and dress themselves (obv so do the other two...) They all get their own drinks and if we are having sandwiches for lunch they like to make their own.

Othersideofthechannel · 13/10/2007 13:36

I'm sure you're right boo64.

My brothers had to help around the house as much as I did but then my mum was a definitely a feminist.