How long can a tantrum last?

[Ididnotseethiscoming]

DS (almost 21) months has been having a tantrum now for almost 45 minutes.

He is just screaming, there is nothing wrong physically and he is not hungry (currently holding a snack in his hand and not eating it). The trigger was me sitting down in the armchair when he wants to go outside. Unfortunately it's raining here and we have already been out in his puddle suit which is soaking wet.

Obviously I can't let him dictate the situation. I've tried offering cuddles, distraction and also ignoring him. It's not helped at all.

I'm posting this as it is becoming a very regular occurrence with DS. At least once a day.

DH said this very rarely happens when he looks after him and the nursery have also not mentioned any major tantrums.

I'm at a loss 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry that I can't be much help but just wanted to offer a handhold as I have been going through the same. It started a little earlier around 17/18ms (DS now 22ms) and seems to be dying down ever so slightly now but the last few months it's felt like he's had a personality transplant and I'll admit some days I find it all too much. I think what you describe and what I've gone through probably is "normal" but it doesn't stop it being waring and upsetting on such a regular basis. My son's triggers seem to be hunger, lack of attention (if we have a day we need to get stuff done and can't be playing with him all the time), over tiredness, and frustration. I've noticed a massive link between how much he was on the cusp of talking and how bad the tantrums were. 18ms was a big leap for him with his speech so he went through an awful stage (I suspect it's that they get so frustrated and are just on the verge of being able to communicate properly so it all spills out into anger) then and it's also hit another peak since about a month ago when he had his language explosion altho slightly better the more he's saying (don't think we're our of the woods yet). It happens a lot in situations he's restricted so car seat, buggy or in the shops. I really wish I had found a solution that works but tbh I really haven't - I've tried so much trial and error but nothing really makes a difference. I've sadly come to the conclusion that some kids are tantrummy some are not! Mildly irritating when you see other friends with these placid happy toddlers but its all types I guess. My boy has a short temper (which I don't think is entirely about being s toddler, he gets frustrated extremely quickly) have learnt through experience that these things really are s phase even tho it's hard to see that when I'm in the middle of it, these phases have always come and gone. I have got better at a) tuning it out and b) not caring so much what other ppl think (it's a survival mechanism as if I worried about neighbours/other shoppers all the time I'd never step our the house!). I think at their age they are fine to be left say in the.living room while you get a breather upstairs for a few mins on those difficult days and I think the best advice I got was that you can't reason with them when they're in the tantrum. Hard as it is better to let it take its course and then when it's over and they've run our.of steam (it will happen eventually) they're at an age where they can take in a bit more of a "debrief" after about why it was rude/unkind/naughty to act the way they did etc. Hope you're ok and things get better. You're doing s great job xxx

Yep we had a few which lasted 45 minutes+. They have come back again now she is older too so I feel your pain 💐

@Veejayteekay thank you that is very helpful. I would say DS tantrums properly kicked in at around 18 months, when he started to say a few more words. He now says a lot of words which means I can mostly understand what he is saying. The issue now is that I communicate why we cannot do exactly what he wants to at that moment in time. DH has booked us a table at a nice restaurant for breakfast with friends and their 4yo on Sunday morning and I am DREADING IT he's going to be a complete nightmare. I've actually offered to stay home with DS but DH is insisting we go. X