I refused psych assessment on my 4 year old, am I a bad mummy?

[mebadmummy]

Just to explain a little background, my 4yo ds had stopped talking at playschool and was not progressing with speech, so I requested a speech and language assessment. He refused to speak to the therapist in anything other than a whisper during the assessment, so she asked for him to come back with someone else the following week, so dh took him and the same thing happened. The therapist then said she felt that a psycology assessment would be in order because of his not wanting to speak.

I was not happy with this, but instead persued my own train of thinking that it was ds' hearing that was the problem. Sure enough he had glue ear and following grommets his speech at home improved dramatically. So when offered more speech and language assessment I asked for a delay of a few months to see whether he caught up naturally himself.

Yesterday a letter arrived telling me of a psychology assessment for my ds today. I went and explained that all seemed to be improving with speech and not worried, psycologist said that was fine and that she would take him off the waiting list and report back to the speech and language therapist.

However when I took ds back to playschool I mentioned this to the playschool leader, who then told me that ds was still not speaking at playschool and not playing with anything other than the cars all the time. Ds appears reluctant to do any other play activities and would not talk to the playschool leaders.

So now I have got home I am wondering if I made a mistake by not getting him assessed by the psychologist?

Have I done the wrong thing?

What is he like at home and with other children outside of nursery?

For what reason do you not want him assessed, wouldn't it be better to go through with it to put your mind at rest?

Give him a little while - if he hasn't been hearing well at playschool he won'yt of been interacting and he may need to rebuild his confidence. And you're not a bad mummy!

Personally, if any kind of assessment was offered, i would take it as peace of mind that everything is progressing typically is as helpful as sorting out any issues which might be discovered.

I would get back to them and say that in fact after giving it some thought, you would like him put on the waiting list. What harm can it do?

But, I have no experience of these things.

I cant see what harm would be done if he had the psych assessment.

Id leave it a while (couple of months) and ten request further investigations if still being so quiet.

i would have made the appointment. my ds(6) has been referred to lots of things. in a way it's easier to find out if there is a problem, then something could be done early to help him. seeing a occupational therapist with him tomorrow.

Would also say take the assessment. A lot can be sorted when caught early enough.

i have problem with my ds 2.5 with delayed speech and would be grateful for anything offered to me it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your son or that they think there is but at least they would have ruled it out and even if your ds speech is coming along at home i would still take to salt as the likesof me have long waits and no therapy is too much therapy if your child benifits from it

Personally I would take the assessment, just so if there is anything else then you can start to deal with it sooner, and if there isn't then you have the ease of mind knowing it isn't that.

You are not a bad mummy, but I think you may have made a mistake.

An assessment won't give him any problems but if there are any, it is important to have them addressed.

I really think you should reconsider and, I suspect, so does your playschool leader...who is flagging it up for your attention.

i wouldn't leave a few months to see if he caught up naturally i would take him to help him progress quicker it will do him no harm and salt is so hard to get offered you should phone back and rearrange the appt as it will do your son no harm as it will help him catch up quicker which can only benefit him

I would have gone and had the assessment, just for peace of mind. If there is a problem they can start to deal with it sooner rather than later, and if there isn't but problems persist at least that's one area you can exclude.

If you leave it and it turns out later that he does need one you might have a wait until he comes to the top of the list. Psychology services do tend to have long waiting lists. How long was it between the first lot of speech therapy and getting the letter? That would give you some idea of how long a wait would be.

I would not have refused if the psychologist had said "shall we do it anyway", but when I explained that I was no longer concerned about his speech, she said well then thats ok. I was truely not concerned until I spoke to the playschool leaders again.

I am kicking myself for not talking to them earlier as I would have pursued the assessment then.

But now I don't know whether to ring back and try to get it rescheduled or to trust that my thoughts that he will be ok in time?

haychee - I might take your suggestion of waiting a couple more months and seeing if things change at playschool. Afterall he has only been back there three weeks, early days yet for him to be modifying his behaviour that he had got into previously???? Or is it?

SauerKraut - Do you think that I should ring back this afternoon and try to get another appointment as soon as possible?

Thank you all for your prompt replies, I am still not sure what I should do for the best. I feel like my motherly insticts have taken a bashing.

i have a lovely sleep therapist who is also speech therapist who has offered to come to me to work with his speech although nopt supposed to be as she is designated for his sleep and i have long wait for speech therapy she felt sorry for me as leaves me and ds in limbo when he could be coming along alot quicker so has kindly offered to deal with speech and not sleep and when talking we will work back on sleep

[he wont stay in own bed through night but cant tell me what problem is] and i am so grateful for this as i dont want my ds to be way behind and if left he may still make such slow progress take it i would love to have all these oppotunities

Don't feel bad - it all sounds quite confusing, and as you say, they did offere it as iif it was not really pressing.

And you didn't have the info from the playschool.

No worries, just call back, say on second thoughts since talking to his playschool, you would be keen for him to have an appointment anyway.

You're not a bad mummy at all!

even if he is doing ok with speech it willnot hurt to have more salt as this will help him progress quicker and if they say we think his done great no need to come back then great

but he may still need some help which can help him progress quicker if iwas in your shoes which i kind of am i would take it as it will do no harm

It is possible that your DS has glue ear plus some language delay from other causes, so I would err on the side of caution and have him assessed.

If your son does have language delay there is fantasic support available out there. My DD1 had wonderful support having been picked up just before school. Two of my DD1's best friends did not speak a word when she went to school (the school has a special language unit), but they have come on amazingly well and now at age seven are great little talkers.

Good luck.

Patsy

your doing a great job it is tough but from someone who is in your situation with along battle i would urge you to take it

mebadmummy (no you're not), don't worry about having said that to the psychologist - situations change all the time. A speech and language therapist who doesn't check out hearing doesn't sound much cop to me, so another professional could be a good call just to get another opinion.

If you think you'd like to reinstate the assessment, ring them up and see if they will reinstate an appointment. If they want another referral, ring your GP's secretary, who should just be able to bung off another letter.

TBH in your situation I would arrange to spend a couple of sessions in the preschool! (you may well have done this before). I did it once and found it helpful. Gives much more of an idea about the different staff and how much they have 'got' your son. Maybe the cars are the only decent activity they have-!

If your preschool asks why you want to, just look at them and say that it seems odd to you that they would ask that!

You're not a bad mum. You wouldn't be worrying about this and coming on here for advice if you were.

You're clearly in two minds about it and if it's going to play on your mind whether you've done the right thing or not, then I'd say it's worth ringing them back and saying you've changed your mind. But ring now, not later on in case they have already filled the slot.

If you were a bad mum would you be on here asking for advice??
No.
Stop worrying and if you feel you want him to see them anyway, just give them a call

What is he like at home? If as you say he is improving and you don't feel worried then I don't think you've made a mistake. If possible, maybe get the assessment deferred for 12mo. If you then think there is a problem you will not have to wait. If everything is fine, you could cancel it.

I would take him just to be sure - why wouldn't you?

Hi, I agree with Haychee,(haycheeI'm not your stalker don't worry!).

Whilst doing my T.A training at a special school, I worked with the Speech Therapist and we touched on glue ear and how it can go unnoticed and professionals in schools are aware that it can lead to a lack interaction, difficult children etc.

Why didnt the playschool leader pick up on this? Anyway, she didnt so maybe her lack of knowledge and her mentioning it now has made you all worried again?

Ok, I self referred my ds to speech therapy for a lack of comprehension (they dont deal with just speech) and on the letter it explains that the child may refuse to talk, what does everyone expect he had glue ear bless!!!

Maybe because your ds back in THAT environment where he is maybe misunderstood, he has reverted back to the way he was before?

You know him better than anyone, sounds to me you are feeling a bit stressed, we are when comes to our kids, will be alright.

It is possible that your DS has glue ear plus some language delay from other causes, so I would err on the side of caution and have him assessed.

If your son does have language delay there is fantasic support available out there. My DD1 had wonderful support having been picked up just before school. Two of my DD1's best friends did not speak a word when she went to school (the school has a special language unit), but they have come on amazingly well and now at age seven are great little talkers.

Good luck.

Patsy

I think I'd be trying to hold off on most formal assessments too, in this situation. His ears have been sorted and matters ARE improving, and this IS only playschool. Legally he doesn't have to be doing any of it and many children don't. I think in these days of starting school at four, that is nice and early to pick stuff up, so no harm in waiting till then in view of his progress so far.

Even so I might conceivably ring back and take up the psychologist's appointment though, only because if your ds is still not talking at playschool, they may be able to give some strategies to help him and his teachers when he starts school and/or ease the transition for him. But I wouldn't say you MUST do this - does he start school next Sept? If so you and he have an academic year to see what progress he makes.