What is normal?

[absolutehush]

I should preface this post with the fact that I'm definitely on the anxious side and not confident in my own judgement as a result.

I have been in lockdown with my DD (14 months) and haven't seen any other babies so am looking for pointers on her behaviour as she is my first.

• hits if she gets frustrated
• very affectionate
• gazes off into the distance (trees in the wind)
• has some words, can point to her body parts e.g belly button if prompted, will say 'up' to be picked up
• walking/running
• will hit her head on soft floors/sofa for fun
• will occasionally flap hands when annoyed/upset

I'm worried she is delayed/behind/showing signs of autism.

I'm looking for some reassurance/advice/guidance. My DH thinks she is fine. I am tied up in knots about it.

All of that is normal.

Which of those things specifically do you think point to her being developmentally delayed or autistic?

I think the hand flapping and head banging. Plus when she gazes off into the distance.

I have lost all perspective I think!

Hand flapping and head banging in an older child could be cause for concern, but perfectly normal for a baby.

Gazing off into the distance is usually a sign of tiredness. Is is mostly around nap/bed time?

Thank you for being so reassuring. The combination of anxiety (which I am trying to manage) and not having any scope for comparison is very difficult for me.

I haven't noticed a pattern with the gazing, but my husband says it's nearly always gazing outside at the trees in the wind. He says 'mesmerised' is a better word.

She is also very sensory, rubbing her face on super soft things.

Mine’s 14.5 months and she does all this too, though the head banging was very short-lived (bit alarming, isn’t it!). I think the zoning out thing probably helps them avoid becoming over tired. And they communicate mostly with gestures at this age, so hands flapping for frustration makes sense! I’m missing the reassurance of baby groups, but really yours sounds like she’s doing fine. Enjoy the cuddles!

Good luck with managing the anxiety. It's perfectly normal, but you don't want to let it ruin your enjoyment of her.

Also, once baby groups and stuff open up don't go too far down the comparison route that just leads to more anxiety!

Thank you both for being so kind.

I'm really trying to move on and enjoy her, but can get very in my head about it all. This has really helped.

Without knowing all the context wouldn't want to mislead you but nothing you've described sounds like cause for concern in a bay that she and very normal. I remember worrying about head banging only to discover it's a really normal phase babies and toddlers go through. Apparently it's a self soothing/excitement thing. Mine is 20m and does it occasionally now but has worn off. I think I know the hand flapping you're describing and this is a pretty normal hand gesture a lot of babies make when frustrated. Must be something universal about that gesture as all seem to do it when they get annoyed!