will I still be spoon feeding DS at his wedding reception???

[Annieandclarabel]

DS is now approaching 3 and still refuses to feed himself. He is v capable of doing it, and has done before but is just not interested. His diet is great and will eat just about anything, so don't want to get into food battle. Any tips anyone?

Bandofmothers, you are def right about the 'knowing' bit, he is v quick on uptake. Think the prob is 50/50 really, half him not being interested and half me being too soft. His older cousin used to live in same house and was a total nightmare with diet and wld only eat rubbish so I think I was so determined he was going to have good diet that I wasnt firm enough of the self feeding bit.

Vikkin, I will sleep well tonight now, and might even be able to bring myself to watch supernanny....!!

I think its a mixture of being firm and being understanding - after all, he is used to being spoonfed! Don't be hard on yourself - as Desi says we all have our Supernanny-style Isshoos...

Is there a meal/s you can eat together (even breakfast etc)? because you can't feed him and yourself at the same time can you? and you can be firm but not horrible.
eg 'sorry sweetheart but Mummy has to eat too - are you gonna use your spoon or your fork to eat your mash?'
Maybe try to have funny and silly mealtimes (but still keep firm that he feeds himself - eg 'what am i supposed to feed you with? my toes?! ah, you do it darling. yay!').

I aim to eat with dd (16mth) for all meals, occasionally we don't. But I think she likes to use fork and feed herself (always has done - accidental BLW) because she sees us do it iykwim. Incidentally she doesn't always eat that much but I think Chocolate's attitude is right, exactly the same in our house.

Oops, sorry I just reread that he doesn't want fun mummy at dinnertable (my dd doesn't get much choice )

But 'mummy can't feed you now cos she is eating' might appeal to logical side?

And my dd is definitely an 'eat to live' child. What's wrong with that? As long as they are eating a variety of different foods...

Thanks for advice everyone, I will do my best to follow it.

Btw, for those of you who DO watch 'supernanny' listen out for a spoonfed 3 year old, ashamed looking mother and codeword 'annieandclarabel'!

you wont need supernanny when you've got mumsnet!

Annie, we made that mistake with my es..and well, in the end we just said so be it, and he soon started to eat because he was to hungry, lol...with my younger 2, they were more or less blw...so mostly they fed themselfs straightaway anyway, and well, they never needed our assistence past 1 year...

I have this problem with my 2 year old DS.

How has it been going with the new regime?

Hi Rachel,

Just to let you know, after 4 days of diminishing strops and me being the epitomy of sternness he is eating everything in sight with a spoon and fork. I admit I was a bit sceptical but it seems the 'leave them to get on with it' approach really does work! How is it going with you?

Ps thx v much to everyone for all advice, partic the person who said that DS needs to have his own relationship with food. I am now a total convert!

Wow that's great!

I tried sitting DS down with some broccoli today. He put a piece in his mouth, spat it out, then actually started crying - really sobbing! However, I put some bits of cooked carrot (admittedly with melted cheese on top), and he ate them.

For pudding I gave him a bowl of stewed fruit, and he looked at me expectantly waiting for me to spoon it in. I said "no, if you want some you can do it", and he duly did.

So far so good I guess. Early days though, so I'm not celebrating just yet!

Hi there, hoping to get some tips too here. my DS2 is 2.5. He will feed himself but ONLY if he is REALLY HUNGRY and if he REALLY likes the food he is given - otherwise I have NO chance. There is no way he would voluntarily eat any fruit, veg or anything else he doesn't like. He will also only finger feed himself stuff he likes. Nothing wet, - no ham, no fruit etc

How do I get him to eat the bits of his meal that he doesn't like. His diet if left to his own devices would be awful!!! The only veg etc he gets have to spoon fed by me - all mushed up and hidden and usually in front of a distracting TV program. I HATE it that I have to resort to the TV to get hinm to eat. He was always uninterested in food and someone looking after him for me started the TV thing without me knowing and then he was hooked before I knew it!

i've tried all the old HV chestnuts. Getting him to help prepare the meal. He enjoys that bit but it doesn't make him want to eat it. Eating altogether. He jsut totally disrupts the meal for everyone, won't sit still in his seat, won't let ME eat and then DS1 starts to play up too. Little bits of finger foods. Unless it's one of the few things he likes he won't eat it. he is usually happy to put something new inhis mouth but it is invariably spat straight out again with a look of disgust!

Sorry this has got so long but has anyone got any OTHER tips apart from the usual ones? Because I work three days per week and my mother (and also a nanny a few hours per week) look after him i don't feel like I can ask them to do the 'stern' thing as he really is a very determined little boy and I feel bad to expect them to put up with the screaming and crying that it is bound to cause.

HELP!

great result Annieandclarabel

Thanks Baffy and congrats Rachel, even if you are not celebrating yet, i am on your behalf!

Marge,

I don't thk I am at all qualified to give advice yet as am still very much a novice on self feeding ( or my DS is!) however, I did go away for 1 night over wkend due to wed anniversary and my parents looked after DS for me. They carried on with the 'put it in front of him and leave him to it' and managed just fine, tho at one point my dad was sent to play on his computer as he was threatening surrender! My DS is incredibly determined and headstrong but it will work if you can be even more determined than he is and not get too downhearted if he keeps rejecting the foods you are trying. Have you tried the organix pureed fruit on cereal for nutrition purposes or mixing it with milk? not ideal but I know how you feel when your child isn't eating much of the good stuff.

Marge I could have written your post!

My DS won't voluntarily eat fruit and veg either - my only chance is blending it and spooning it in. Like your DS, he only eats the finger food he likes, and won't touch anything wet like veg or ham or fruit. Seriously, he's just like your DS! We even have to use the TV, otherwise I wouldn't get anything into him.

After a good lunch, tea was a disaster. I tried to sneak a virtually invisible slice of cucumber into a cheese sandwich (he usually likes cheese sandwiches), but he noticed it as soon as it touched his lips. He then spat it out and refused to eat any more, even when I showed him that I'd take the cucumber out! I'm afraid I gave in a bit then, and gave him breadsticks - tomorrow is his day at nursery so I couldn't face a night of no sleep due to his hunger.

The only thing that occasionally works is spreading mashed veg (mixed with cheese spread) in a sandwich - sometimes he'll eat that if he's in the right mood. Also, he likes cheese on toast so sometimes I spread veg puree on that before I put the cheese on, so he can't see it.

It's all so alien to me because I love fruit and veg, and would eat absolutely anything as a child.

Rachel,

My nephew was very similar to the sound of yours and Marge's DS. He was absolutely fixed on his dislike of everything wet and would never touch fruit and veg. My SIL took him to the doc as she was worried about his nutritional intake. Doc wasn't concerned at all, and said her grandson lived on bread and jam till he was 5! Apparently it is quite difficult for them to become undernourished as there are loads of vitamins and minerals etc in milk and other basics alone. Will he drink milkshakes with fruit in? My nephew is now 6 and doing much better, hope this helps tho I do know what a strain it is.

Vikkin, I must say, I was angered and surprised at your attitude towards your 'newish' friend.
Maybe her child has special needs that she's not told you about yet! I can't see a 'normal' 5 year old letting their mum spoonfeed them when there is a peer sat right next to them feeding themselves. As for a nightime nappy - a 5 year old would ususally be dry, but if he has other problems, then it is very unlikely.
I have a 4 year old with Cerebral Palsy - I still have to spoonfeed him at times, and he wears nappies all the time.
I think more compassion is needed.

Hi - thanks for the support. I've tried milkshakes but I forgot to say he hates milk too so it was a double whammy. Milk AND fruit Yuk!

Having said that he LOVES the Innocent fruit smoothies! Strange little fellow!

Have made up my mind to get tough!

Will keep you posted!

Good luck Marge

Oh my GOD!

He actually ate his own supper last night, most of breakfast this morning and some of his lunch today, although I may have given it a bit early so perhaps he wasn't hungry enough.

It WAS all stuff he likes though! Haven't done very well with his 5 per day! Only banana mashed into his Shreddies this morning! Do waffles count as veggies? They ARE potatoes after all???

Fed him supper as he needed some more 'good stuff' (loads of broccoli hidden)

Hey that's great Marge, well done. If you are anything like me you will probably want to get the video camera out!

My aim now is for 2 good meals a day, I find if he hasn't had much exercise thats all he wants really. Had blip last night as he started asking for icecream after 2 mouthfuls of fish pie. After 15 minute mexican standoff he still wouldn't eat so he got no dessert. Mummy had big glass of wine after he had gone to bed....!

Oh Dear - today very bad again - We went to MIL's ( which is fine) but means he is too excited to sit and eat. Had to hypnotise him with 'Barney' to get any food inside while we were there.

He was very tired when we got home and he was desperate to 'ride' DS1's bike with no stabilisers which of course he can't yet so he was all upset. I'm afriad I didn't even bother trying to get him to eat by himself. Ashamed of myself.

Will try again tomorrow!

Marge, def don't be too down on yourself if you have a bad day.

You know your DS better than anyone and if he is too tired or the situation isn't right then you have to be flexible. Seriously tho, don't be ashamed, you deserve a gold star for trying!

We have had good day again today but only cos I stopped DH from sneaking in a tray load of Thomas The tank engine engines to give DS an incentive to eat! Think this strict mummy thing is going to my head....

I haven't been very successful either. My DS has a will of iron. I put a selection of delicious (albeit vegetable-based) finger-foods in front of him, and he just sits and looks at them. He'll pick one up, put it in his mouth, spit it out, then carry on sitting. If I say "sweetheart, this is your tea so if you don't eat it there isn't anything else", he just carries on sitting and ignoring the food. I don't want to get angry because apparently that's the worst thing to do with food battles. But I honestly think he's got more staying power than me!

I've tried to stick to my guns, haven't given in to biscuits and icecream, but really not getting anywhere with fruit and veg.

And we've had a couple of horrendous nights, as he's clearly hungry and wanting milk all night.

I work all day on Mons and Tues, so my parents look after him, and I know they'll give him cake all day despite me asking them not to. So I guess it'll be back to square-one on Wednesday!

Oh well, such is life.

Rachel, how old is your DS?

He's only just 2, but he's always been a nightmare with food, and is used to me making an array of different things before he'll deign to eat something.

I've been told that he's now old enough for me to get strict, but I'm not very good at it! I'm fairly sure he understand what I'm saying to him about meals, but it's hard to be certain.

Do you think I'm being harsh because he's young? It's so difficult to know what's best, because I don't know anyone else whose children don't happily eat everything on their plate! He's my only child so I've not had to deal with this before.

The reason I asked was that my DS is just about to turn 3 and I really think that his level understanding has only just reached the level where he could understand and respond to the 'strict routine'.

He has always eaten a good diet but would completely refuse to put anything in his mouth himself. I really felt the pressure I think mainly because I felt embarassed about his 'babyish' behaviour around food. I think its very easy to feel pressure to conform and I too didn't know anyone else with the same problem. In fact people used to look at me like I was slightly mad every time I mentioned it!

The best advice I can give is to try and make it relaxed, give praise (but not go OTT) when he does eat something different or does it himself, keep trying, and to judge for yourself when you think he is old enough to understand the 'stern mummy' thing which may not be for a bit. I do understand how you must feel (see the opening thread) but I think the most important thing is to not let DC realise what a big issue it is for you ( have really learned this one from experience)

Ps feel free to contact me if you just want to have a whinge or to say hooray!. I didn't have that support till I discovered mumsnet and it just helps sometimes talking to someone who has expeinced the same thing. Good Luck x