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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

will I still be spoon feeding DS at his wedding reception???

52 replies

Annieandclarabel · 06/09/2007 21:54

DS is now approaching 3 and still refuses to feed himself. He is v capable of doing it, and has done before but is just not interested. His diet is great and will eat just about anything, so don't want to get into food battle. Any tips anyone?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

whomovedmychocolate · 06/09/2007 21:57

What happens if you put his food down and just ignore him?

whomovedmychocolate · 06/09/2007 21:57

Would he respond to peer pressure - get another kid his age (or slightly older round to eat and make him see that grown up boys eat independently.

ruddynorah · 06/09/2007 21:58

did you watch supernanny yesterday?

BandofMothers · 06/09/2007 21:58

If he can but wont he is only not I would think cos he knows you wil do it for him.

So just don't. Put it in front of him with utensils he can manage and leave him to it.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 06/09/2007 21:58

i agree with whomovedmychoc, id just put the plate in front of him and ignor him!

dd went through a stage of this and eventually grew out of it, but it does take perseverance.

you may have a fwe days of non-eating but he'll get the jist, if he wants to eat he has to feed himself!

BandofMothers · 06/09/2007 21:59

Then really praise him if he does it.

He wont starve himself after all.

eandh · 06/09/2007 22:00

my dd1 is 3 (tomorrow ) and she'll eat about 3/4 of her meal but only if she has her knife and fork (and spoon for peas/beans!) if I forget the knife she wont eat as it isnt like mummy and daddy. Last 1/4 of the meal I normally have to help her/persuade her as shes bored by then

BandofMothers · 06/09/2007 22:04

eandh, she may be full by then. Just a thought. Cos if so you shouldn't make her finish, apparently.

Original poster

Annieandclarabel · 06/09/2007 22:04

I find if I put the food down and ignore him, he ignores the food! I don't make a big deal out of it but take food away. However, if he then misses a meal and gets hungry he gets really stroppy (has been same since tiny baby) and then isn't calm enough to sit at the table and eat at all. aaaarghhhh!

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 06/09/2007 22:05

So what does he do at the table when you ignore him.

If DD1 misses a meal cos she wont eat it, tough.

whomovedmychocolate · 06/09/2007 22:06

So he's hungry and grouchy if he misses a meal - so what? If you ride it out, he will eat. You are the mummy and ergo in control here.

Just tough it out and don't give in. You will have one or two bad days and then quickly reestablish the control he seems to have wrested over your mealtimes.

(That's not a criticism btw!)

BandofMothers · 06/09/2007 22:06

Is he understanding enough yet for you to tell him when he gets stroppy that next time he should eat his dinner. Then next time remind him of it.

Anchovy · 06/09/2007 22:08

DS is nearly 6 and I swear he would still have me feeding him if he thought he could get away with it.

Why not look at one meal per day when he has to feed himself. Mine love a "picky lunch" - lots of small things on a plate. Olives, small sandwiches, a few organix puffs, couple of cucumber slices, carrot batons, some chickpeas, ham rolled up and sliced etc. (Not all of these at once). But the sort of things they really like and want to pick up. Its also a good way of emptying up the fridge!

Original poster

Annieandclarabel · 06/09/2007 22:08

ps ruddynorah, did watch a bit of supernanny but found I couldnt watch all of it, I do my best but it always makes me feel like a bad mother!

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 06/09/2007 22:10

oh shame it was about 3 year old twins who were still being spoonfed.

they only did it when mum was there, not with dad.

the mum kept giving in.

the kids could do it, they just couldn't be arsed especially cos the mum kept on giving in.

whomovedmychocolate · 06/09/2007 22:11

In our house: parents decide what the children eat. Kids decide whether to eat and how much of it they eat.

It's not up for debate. We all sit down and we all eat the same.

Go on, be a stern mummy. You know you want to

dramaqueen · 06/09/2007 22:11

A&C I know how you feel. My ds is 6 and still won't feed himself at times. He's just not interested in food. He has never wanted to eat in all his 6 years. He can take a bite out of a chocolate bar then "leave the rest for later" - of course he never comes back for it. If I ignore him he just sists there talking to me about his day, or gazing into the distance. We can go on like that for days so I know it doesn't always work.

Over the yaers I have chipped away at him feeding himself. Start by getting him to feed himself his favourite meals - sauages did it for us. Then gradual encouragement with less well liked foods. You will get there but it takes perserverance. I now bribe him with an extra 10 minutes computer time or something like that. Good luck.

Desiderata · 06/09/2007 22:12

I agree with the other posters. He's nearly three, and it's time he fed himself. I know it's easier said than done, however.

My ds (also nearly three) was weaned at five months, and he could never stand to be spoon fed. He was a natural blw from the start. So I don't have your particular problem.

But can I get him to crap in anything but a nappy? Can I hell And all attempts to try to get him to go in the toilet are met with a rigid refusal, and constipation. He won't do it.

There's an answer somewhere to the old spoonfeeding/potty training/general irritating things about having kids dilemma ... but I don't quite know what it is!

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 06/09/2007 22:13

id echo others here, let him be grumpy, remind him why hes grumpy, remind him at the next meal if he doesnt eat he'll be grumpy

he wont starve himself.

good luck its hard when they dont eat. my dd has now managed 2 weeks with no tantrums at dinner time, i feel a weight has lifted!

Original poster

Annieandclarabel · 06/09/2007 22:15

He sits at table for a while and then just gets down. Is tricky as I am quite strict with behaviour and he doesnt have any other 'control issues' etc. I think half the problem is he really is an 'eat to live' rather than 'live to eat' child and its really hard to interest him in food. Have tried making it fun etc but he is just not up for it!

OP posts:

Vikkin · 06/09/2007 22:16

This will cheer you up A&C!
Went away for a few days over the hols with a newish friend. We both have 5 year olds. She has always told me what a good eater hers is, eats everything on his plate, blah blah.
Now I know why - she spoon feeds him. TBH I was quite embarrassed in restaurants etc.
(However, not as embarrassed as later when she put his night-time nappy on....god, don't lets even go there...)
Needless to say, the friendship is cooling off.

BandofMothers · 06/09/2007 22:18

Tanya had something to say baout the old pooing on the toilet bit Des

DD2 is 13 mths and was (sort of) feeding herself yoghurt with a spoon today. Very messy. DD1 gave it to her while I was out of the room.

He wont let himself starve, he will eat. Tell him that he is a big boy now and can eat by himself but that you will sit and eat your lunch with him too if he wants.

If you decide to make him do it yourself, you MUST be firm. If you give in even once, he has you. At that age THEY KNOW.

BandofMothers · 06/09/2007 22:19

ok, what about a booster seat he can't get out of. He is not too big yet I'd say. Then give him, say half an hour.
Again be firm. No you can't get down yet. Or return him to the seat. You are the mum, you are in charge.

Original poster

Annieandclarabel · 06/09/2007 22:22

ok whomovedmychocolate, stern mummmy in training and will keep you posted.

Dramaqueen, that is exactly the way it is! it is not so much that he is being controlling, just that he isn't really bothered whether he eats or not, until he becomes so hungry he is uncomfortable.

Desiderata - lol!

OP posts:

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 06/09/2007 22:25

a&c i have a cousin (or cousins child or something like that) anyway a little girl i know is 5yo and she is exactly like that, she could be plonked down with a tin of biscuits and wont even eat 2 shes a pain to feed and i feel for you but i dont think spoon feeding him is the answer, he needs to create his own relationship with food.

good luck with the stern mummy! it can be hard but well worth it when you get the results!

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