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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

biting

13 replies

mom41 · 06/09/2007 10:43

My 13 month old daughter started biting.

She has a history of biting me, but that seems to have stopped - but now it has returned and with a vengeance... She bit several friends at nursery, and her carer the other day.
I've tried to put her down and say that we don?t like playing with girls who bite or hit, and this gets her angry, and upset, but I am not sure it stops her from the behaviour.

Any advice would be welcome

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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haychee · 06/09/2007 10:56

I bit mine back when they went through this. Not so hard, but hard enough to make them think twice about doing it again.

Is probobly not the wisest parenting choice, but it worked in my house.

I think they all do it a bit at some point, so its not just you and your dd.

I was devestated when my dd did this some time back when she was 2ish. She had bitten another child on the face and left a mark. I would have been livid if my dd had come home from nursery with a bite mark on her face. I cried alot that evening and felt like id failed as a mother. But the next day she bit me and i bit her back - she didnt do it again.

donnie · 06/09/2007 11:00

you bit your child back???? that's a bit extreme I think.

Both my dds went through a bit of a biting phase. We were very firm and would remove them from the room and say NO BITING IT'S NAUGHTY very loudly and exclude them from the room for a little while. We did this consistently and it worked. 13 months may be a bit young for this approach though - other people will have ideas. No offence haychee but I wouldn't recommend biting them back.

haychee · 06/09/2007 11:05

I knew it would be an unwelcomed post. But really it did work, and i didnt do it very hard (didnt leave a mark) instant results too. Stopped then and there.

Im not a child abuser, i do smack but very rarely. And i think when i bit her back that was the most extreme ?violence?(not quite the right word) ive ever done.

llynnnn · 06/09/2007 11:21

my dd is also 13months and has started biting me but no-one else (yet!) i really dont think she means to bite and hurt, its always when she is cuddling and kissing my arm/shoulder and gets a bit carried away and bites. she has only just cut her top teeth so im hoping once she gets used to them being there she will stop!

I used to bite my little sister when she was tiny and my mum did bite me back!! apparantly i never bit her or anyone else again! my mum keeps reminding me of this but i wouldve been at least 2 when this happened. I personally think a 13 month old wouldnt understand why her mum was hurting her.
I have just been saying firmly 'no, you must not bite, it hurts mummy' and i have been moving her away. she then gets really upset

i'll be keeping my eye on this thread, hopefully someone will have the solution!

Original poster

mom41 · 06/09/2007 11:23

I think the 'biting back' approach, as long as it is controlled and not too hard, is not that bad an idea as it helps the child rationalise and relate the action they are doing to the consequences of it (If I bite that is not good cause if I get bit - it hurts) but I am not sure that a 13 month old has that type of abstract thinking yet...

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haychee · 06/09/2007 11:31

Maybe try pretending to cry?! If and when they bite you. That used to have an effect with my dds when they where that bit younger - i didnt use it for biting though, and cant remember what i did do it for, but i do remember them being apologetic and caring to me - bless.

bananaknickers · 06/09/2007 11:31

Children bite at this age because they don't have the vocabulary to deal with situations they are in.One child has a toy for example that the child wants, child trys to take the toy and other child wont give it so the quickest response is to bite.When mine did this I withdrew them from the situation or put them on the floor, if they bit me and withdrew my attention.This didn't take long to learn.

mustsleep · 06/09/2007 11:33

hi ds went through this phase he's 5 now and i did bite him back and he never bit anyone again

but dd has also gone through this ( she's two at the end of the month) she was terrible with it she would just come up to you and bite you for no reason at all and poor ds she would just go for his feet all the time

when you'd tell her off she's get really angry and bite her own hand and come and show you the teeth marks v strange

tried everything - biting back the naughty step etc donlt think anything worked and now she has just stopped doing it

Original poster

mom41 · 06/09/2007 12:00

DD has also taken to biting her hand too. Do you think the two are related?

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terramum · 06/09/2007 12:08

Could simply be down to teething & needing to bite down to help relieve the pain...DS bit & chewed everything in sight when he was teething, me, his toys, books, the coffee table, DH's guitar (which I still get told off about even 2 years down the line!)...someone gave me a great tip of giving them a wooden spoon to chew on - worked a treat!

mustsleep · 07/09/2007 10:56

mom41 when dd bites her hand she only does it when she is angry or anticipates being told off (she seems to have stppoed doing it so often now) and normally she would bite her hand and then coming running to show everyone the results and have a cry about it so i thought that was just for attention

but i suppose it could all be for attention although she gets loads anyway

Original poster

mom41 · 07/09/2007 12:55

Thank you all for the advice. It helps a lot to know there is somewhere to share and hear that you are not alone dealing with things...
I really like the idea of the wooden spoon. Might try that over the weekend.
Good report yesterday from nursery. DD didn't bite anyone! Let's hope for the best.If anyone does have any other ideas or experiences like this, still interested to hear.
Thanks

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law3 · 07/09/2007 13:05

Don't try and stop her biting by smacking or biting back! Calmly but swiftly remove her from the scene and say 'No biting!' in a stern voice with a serious expression.

Biting can sometimes be a way of gaining attention so be careful not to give more attention to her than the victim. A big telling off still means she is in the spotlight.

Toddlers often resort to aggressive behaviour when they feel insecure, has anything changed at her carers or nursery?

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