DD's 4 yo playdate made her drink her wee - not entirely sure how to deal with this

[arfishy]

DD had a playdate today, both girls 4 years, nanny supervising.

I got home from work this afternoon and as soon as I walked in DD said that her playdate had made her drink her wee in the bath.

First of all I thought it was that her playdate had wee-ed in the bath and then made her drink bathwater with wee in it and it was maybe a giggly thing. After a bit of questioning however it turned out that this other girl had wee-ed in a cup and then made DD drink it. She then poured it over her.

I'm so horrified I don't even know where to begin. The other little girl immediately started to cry when asked if she'd done it and came to DD to apologise (when told).

So, I just don't know what to do really. I've had a little chat with DD about saying no when people ask/tell you to do something you don't want to. I have no idea how to approach the other mother and I'm just well, horrified that my DD has been made to do this/did it when told/is upset.

Please tell me what to do (the other mother is a bit scary, and we've only just resumed playdates after a break because this other girl made DD wee on the floor last time and also wee-ed in all of her parents/siblings beds so I thought it would be best to keep them apart for a while).

I think that this is being made up into more than it probably was. Yes the little girl did tell your DD to drink it, but I tell DS nearly 4 not to drink his bathwater after he has very openly peed in it.

I would not let your daughter have any contact with the other child for a while definitely. The mum is probably embarrassed and this is all, after all, going through the nanny.

Please don't worry about this anymore. You have so many more horror stories to come. I can remember needing a poo and being told to make it into mud pies by a neighbours child. I did and got into all sorts of trouble.

I think this is now more about her criticism of your dd than the wee. Your nanny must feel awful - first that it happened on her shift, and second that she couldn't make it all right again.

I think for your dd and nanny's sake you need to move on and just be glad your dd won't see her again.

Honestly, deep breath, glass of wine. Someone has got to be an adult - and obviously it's going to have to be you.

Ds had a hideous playdate (also 4) but I was so concerned from the start I wouldn't leave them alone. I took the boy home an hour early because all 3 of us had had enough and gave no explanation. Her son then proceeded to list all the things my ds had done wrong to mummy. I just cheerfully said - "well, my, my is that the time - must be going". and haven't returned a call since. To her that must have felt that I wasn't prepared to listen to criticism of my ds - but actually most of it was true, I just didn't want to get into a "your son is more abnormal than my son" conversation, as they can only ever end badly.

Whilst I would love to also share her ds's adorable little defects with her - she wouldn't believe me so what is the point. The main thing is that neither boy is put in the situation that they obviously are not capable of handling. Ds has much better friends and I'm sure the other boy does too.

Yes I leave my 4 year old for a few minutes in the bath but this little darling has previous form with your daughter in the wee-wee dept. Therefore I don't think the issue is about leaving 4 year olds alone but for an adult to take responsibility for her (track record)and potentially piddly behaviour. Has her mummy stopped all the claptrap and started talking like an adult yet?

Drinking wee aside, I wouldn't be too impressed if my DD was on a play date and left alone in the bath for any amount of time. It is one thing leaving your own child (or charge) while fetching something, but to leave someone elses is a bit irresponsible tbh. Especially as this child is a bit odd. She could have tried to climb out and slipped.

Thanks all for the advice. I've decided to just leave well alone. Perhaps I should let her know that it's the 3rd time her daughter has done this to mine but I just don't want to get involved with her.

If she's mad enough to bring my daughters' prospective school into a situation where her DD has made mine drink her wee, then clearly we have no chance of any form of rational conversation on her daughter's behaviour.

I think she's a rude, ill-mannered psycho-bitch and we'll just leave it at that.

I'm just going to step away and will promise not to snap in a mad, foaming at the mouth way should I ever bump into her on the street.

I read this thread the other day but had nothing to add so didn't!

However - we had a bbq on Sunday and there were 4 6 yr olds and 2 4 yr olds. Adults were all sitting around table and the children were playing around. They had been making "stew" in a big plastic bucket with leaves and mud etc - typical behaviour and they were loving it. Anyway - I walked over to where they were and realised one of the boys was peeing into the bucket to the great hilarity of the others. His parents were mortified but I have to say we all just laughed and got them to empty the bucket and left it at that.

Speaking to my DS yesterday I asked why Ollie had peed in the bucket and was told that MY DS had done it first! First he said it was his idea but then that it was one of the girl's idea. None of them were in any way phased by it and just thought it was funny.

I know it is different to your scenario (especially the drinking) but all of the children here are well-adjusted with loving and firm parents. I suppose I just wanted to point out that the girl in question in your case doesn't have to have "issues" to have done what she did.

"rude, ill-mannered psycho-bitch" - hear hear arfishy!

"and we'll just leave it at that" - best things to do, I reckon. With any luck, it'll annoy her even more than a confrontation too!

Buda - I do agree tbh. In general 'wee-play' wouldn't make me freak out - it's just exploration.

The fact that it was the 3rd time that this had happened made me so concerned, and then subsequently the other mum's reaction made everything worse.