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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Pocket Money - payment earned or made as of right?

99 replies

fridayschild · 28/08/2007 11:50

DS1 is constantly on at us to buy him one or another of the Thomas and Friends trains; he has some, but never enough! I'm not prepared to buy them just because he wants them. We said he could write to Santa to get some for Christmas but he's now worked out that is some time off, and would like them before then.

So we thought about pocket money. He is 4, so we were going to give him £4 a month. This still means it's going to be 4 months before he can buy his next train - they are £15 each.

He also earned £2 on Saturday by cleaning the car inside and out. Do your kids just get their pocket money or do they have to earn it? And if they just get it anyway, can they do jobs to top it up?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

majorstress · 31/08/2007 16:53

Well we are in the "despoiling" phase right now, hopefully we can regain the upper hand with doting rellies out of it.

majorstress · 31/08/2007 16:54

law3 I'm not advocating giving them money scot free.

majorstress · 31/08/2007 16:56

law3 I don't think you sound horrible at all. this is a discussion not a court case isn;t it?

I don't give my kids money but am considering it so this is very interesting.

majorstress · 31/08/2007 16:58

having said that, my dds would be devastated if they lost £10 or even £1. They wouldn't be consoled by future money at all, and I wouldn;t jsut replace it to shut them up-like granny would!!!!

majorstress · 31/08/2007 17:02

what is the advantage to ME of pocket money to dds?

Can I use it to bribe them to do jobs? Is that right? Even if it isn;t, so far our household is not sustainable-would it be a solution to get more help, and get some better habits laid down?

Would I have the energy to pursue it? So far dds are not capable of remembering -dd1 nags me incessantly for the first day or 2, until I shout at her, then she stops and doesn't ask again and we all forget about it.

law3 · 31/08/2007 17:20

Rules are in mine, computer, ps2, tv, etc dont go on or you dont go out until your bed is made, room tidy, clothes in dirty wash etc.

If you use it as a bribe, they want paying for everything. If you pay them to do something, i dont see how you can then take it away.

As far as i can tell there are no advantages to US.

majorstress · 31/08/2007 17:35

Hmm, my youngest is only 4 and requires too much help, I put on the TV for my benefit so I can get the dinner cooked.

I think it's ME-I'd have to go around assessing what needed doing, then shouting about it, and I'm just so pressed for time after work, to get dds fed and in be on time takes every ounce of strength.

majorstress · 31/08/2007 17:36

bed on time

law3 · 31/08/2007 17:51

hmmm 4 year old, i have a 3.6 year old. Your going to love this, everything has to be fun. Might be quicker to do it yourself!!!

i brought a timer, (food timer) and its put the timer on and see if you can be the 'winner' how many toys you can put away before the bell rings etc. I use it to get dressed etc anything that normally takes times and a lot of nagging.

pointydog · 31/08/2007 17:58

I think a basic issue is coming up here about giving a child a little control over his life.

Law, you seem to make an assumption that children will spend their money on rubbish, and if they don't spend it on rubbish then it's good enough for you to buy.

You're not letting them experiemtn with spending choices.

(4 too young for pocket money.)

FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2007 17:59

Ds (4) gets a pound a week when he remembers to ask for it

he doesn't have to earn it - I don't think family money should be performance related. I would like to see the look on your faces if your dps said you were going to get less housekeeping money this month, because you had not been satisfactory in bed last month, and the house was too messy

pointydog · 31/08/2007 18:09

yes, pocket money given - when anyone remembers - with no chores attached

law3 · 31/08/2007 18:39

pointy dog - to buy toys whether that be a cheap toy or to save up and buy a more expensive toy is materialistic especially from the age of 2+.

My kids choose to go to the cinema, swimming, football, social clubs etc, i dont make them. But i would not give them money to buy a ps2 game or toys.

I dont know about all kids, just mine. I prefer to give them money to spend on things which are not material things. They get enough at xmas and birthdays.

pointydog · 31/08/2007 19:04

and at what age do you accept, law, that your strong opinions about materialism may not be the opinions of your children and let them try other options for themselves?

Original poster

fridayschild · 31/08/2007 21:32

F&Z - comments like that will get Xenia on the thread and then it will get out of hand

I am not too happy that DS1 is so materialistic at aged 4 and I would like to reduce that if I can. But I am pleased that there is no TV watching, messing on computers or PS2 here for children. On balance I think I prefer the money for toys rather than sitting in front of a screen for young children.

OP posts:

bozza · 31/08/2007 21:34

Is a pound a week really that materialistic though? It would take months to save up for a DVD or a playstation game.

I have a rule that mine aren't allowed to buy sweets with their spending money. Just because I don't want them eating £1 worth of haribo a week. If they are having sweets I buy them.

Nightynight · 31/08/2007 21:38

dd2 is nearly 4, and she doesnt get pocket money. I buy her toys, but not every time she asks.

j20baby · 31/08/2007 21:41

dd is 7 and doesn't get pocket money from me, she does get bits of other members of her family though, but is quite thrifty and tends to buy clothes with it {with a little hinting from me}

j20baby · 31/08/2007 21:42

off other members of her family

QueenEagle · 31/08/2007 21:45

dd is 15 and gets £50 per month. She buys all her toiletries, phone top-up and crappy bits she wants and also her contact lenses (the costing for this was taken into account when we worked it out). She has just started a Saturday job earning £25.00 per week too - this I expect her to save and she does not have access to it unless for anyhting special.

ds1 aged 13 gets £25 per month, he has to top up his phone and buy his deodorant and sweets etc. He has a paperround and gets £15 per week and saves for special stuff too.

ds2 aged 11 gets £12.50 and he tops his phone up with that and buys his sweets.

ds3 aged 4.5 and ds4 aged 2.5 don't get anything yet!!!

QueenEagle · 31/08/2007 21:47

Oh and my older 3 are expectewd to do household chores which can include ironing, sweeping, changing their own bedlinen and tifying their rooms, the odd bit of babysitting, washing up, wiping and clearing table etc...

I don't dock money and they are starting to appreciate having money and needing to make it last.

roisin · 01/09/2007 09:08

This is a really interesting discussion, and has made me reflect on what we do.

We are not particularly extravagant at birthdays and Christmas (they have relatives for that.) So we would never buy the boys a DS as a present atm - the present budget is not that high. But if they put together money they get for birthdays/christmases and save their pocket money, then they have considerable spending power.

Does this then devalue the importance of presents? Hmm.. I'm not sure.

Btw my boys have considerable freedom with pocketmoney spending, but not free rein atm. So some things would not be allowed in the house and they know that.

For us our system is very easy, we just write it all in a book - no cash changes hands. So if ds1 suddenly realises there's a book coming out that he wants, we'll get the book out and update it. Often there is 4 or 5 weeks' worth of pocket money to go in. When they do spend money (usually rarely) we write that into the book: it works well for us.

roisin · 01/09/2007 09:16

Majorstress you asked about getting children to help around the house. I do think a routine is key here, so that they get into a pattern and do it without question. You also have to invest a lot of time in doing the chores alongside them and teaching them how to do it properly the first few times.

My boys don't always help out with good grace and helpfulness - I'd love it if they did. But they do know that helping is non-negotiable, and they are capable of doing a very good job now in lots of household chores. (They are 8 and 10).

The easiest jobs IME are loading and unloading the dishwasher, clearing the table, and emptying the bins.

We have a routine currently that we have tea at about 5.15 pm, then after tea they do a job - only 10-15 mins or so, then they get to watch the Simpsons at 6 pm. They just get on and do it.

haychee · 01/09/2007 09:19

My dc have to earn any money they get from me. We have a simple chart on the kitchen wall. They earn 20p for small jobs like putting the bins out or feeding the dogs and 50p for a lengthier job like tidying room thoroughly or cleaning the car. They love to see the ticks on the chart accumulating. Fridays are paydays. I insist they put some of it in the piggy bank and can spend the rest on things that they pester me for when we go shopping.
Seems to work quite well, i get help with the chores and they get spending money (dd1 is 6 and dd2 is 4) dd1 has far more understanding of money and cost etc, but dd2 doesnt really get it at all, but still helps me out - so its all good!
The trouble arises when they have their eyes on something that is expensive (dd1 wants a nintendo ds) and she cant ever reach her target of saving that amount - so thats a bit of a let down for her.

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