Pocket Money - payment earned or made as of right?

[fridayschild]

DS1 is constantly on at us to buy him one or another of the Thomas and Friends trains; he has some, but never enough! I'm not prepared to buy them just because he wants them. We said he could write to Santa to get some for Christmas but he's now worked out that is some time off, and would like them before then.

So we thought about pocket money. He is 4, so we were going to give him £4 a month. This still means it's going to be 4 months before he can buy his next train - they are £15 each.

He also earned £2 on Saturday by cleaning the car inside and out. Do your kids just get their pocket money or do they have to earn it? And if they just get it anyway, can they do jobs to top it up?

I pay for my 11 and 13 year old to play football, martial art lessons, social clubs, swimming etc every week as well as all the equipment/kit they need to do these things. They also have a saving accounts.

I find my money is better spent on activities, as oppose to giving them money to spend on toys, etc every week.

I give my DSs (7 & 4.5) £1 per week but they have to earn it. Only simple jobs, DS1 has to fold his pyjamas up and keep his toys tidy, DS2 has to put PJs on his bed and keep his toys tidy. They also can earn extra pocket money (DS1 has to learn all his spellings for school, DS2 has to get dressed without a fuss) and lose some of it for very bad behaviour.

Its a system that works best with DS1 as he understands money and earning it better than DS2 does but it is fab when we go out and they want to buy something - having their own money saves conflict when they want to buy some piece of tat or something very expensive, its their money and when its gone its gone!

Law3 - do your older children go out with their mates, do a bit of shopping, go to the cinema, have a bit of lunch?

My boys also know if they want to buy 'rubbish' when they are out, then they do it with their own money.

Mostly they save up and buy things like games for their Nintendo Ds or books. They also save up birthday/Christmas money too.

Actually they bought the Nintendo DS in the first place themselves (shared) using birthday/Christmas money from relatives.

roison - yeah, my boys go to the cinema, swimming, social clubs etc with mates and i give them money to go. I pay for them to do activities, as oppose to pocket money (im not that mean!!!)

If i gave them the money and let them decide what to do with it, they would spend it on toys, games etc and spend all their spare time on the ps2 and computer.

For example if my son says can i have £10 to go cinema, the answer would be yes (within reason, obviously not every week). If he said can i have £10 to put towards a game i want, the answer would be no, put it on your list for xmas or birthday.

I dont think kids need to have something, whenever they see something they fancy.

But if you give them the money as an allowance, and then give them the freedom to choose how to spend it, then they are learning about managing money and budgeting. (As long as you don't give in and sub them when they are skint and want to go to the cinema with their mates.)

I agree completely that children shouldn't just be able to buy anything at any time without having to save up for it; but I also think they should be involved in making the choices, especially when they are approaching teen age.

DS1 actually got quite a lot of money for his birthday this year - 2 months ago, and despite myriad possibilities this summer he hasn't spent it at all, he's just saving it up along with his weekly pocket money, as at the moment he says there isn't anything he wants.

I don't think having pocket money makes children more materialistic. But I do think that handled properly it can begin to teach them to manage money, to make reasoned choices about spending and to budget sensibly.

law3

We already have a bank account for DD where we have a regular DD going in from our account. And othe rmoney gets put in there too.

And my 5yo is actually finding pocket money means she is less likely to buy rubbish. She is much less likely to waste her own cash. She likes to save up and buy something bigger for herself, rather than some £1 plastic tat or sweets each week. For us it has worked really well. She has also learnt a fair bit about money recognition, money maths and abour saving, etc.

ds (8 yo but nearly 9) gets £2 pocket money a week. It was £1 until a few months ago. He gets this no matter what. However he has a few small chores to do a week that we expect him to do (sorting pants/socks etc) plus he has the option of helping me or dh do work (for which we pay him a little)

My DS isn't at pocket money age yet, but I completely disagree with making children earn their pocket money. IMO, children have plenty to do just going to school, doing their homework and being children. They shouldn't have to earn their little bit of pocket money by doing adult chores.

That's not to say that I won't expect my DS to help around the house a bit. But like other posters have said, that will be because it's part of family life, and he won't be paid for it.

My stepdaughter is the eldest child in her mother's household and, until she moved out recently, she was expected to do so much around the house you wouldn't believe to earn her pocket money. It taught her the "value of money" apparently. It also meant that she spent a couple of hours every evening doing household chores, babysitting etc. when she should have been doing homework and then been allowed to relax and prepare for the next day at school. I was very for her.

My DS saves his cash.
He isn't saving for anything in particular at the moment ... he likes counting it ...
I would like to teach him about money management and budgeting ... and also about investing one day.

When he does spend it he saves up for things like Lego or last year he had a Magazine subscription for the Magical World of Roald Dahl magazine ...

Hi I love a good discussion!!!

Perhaps im missing the point, but i fail to see how giving pocket money, to buy toys whether that be a cheap toy or to save up and buy a more expensive toy, teaches value of money, budgeting etc. It teaches kids to be materialistic, especially when pocket money is being given so young.

I prefer to give my kids money to be social, hobbies, stay active, participate in sports. Given the choice, they may prefer to buy a game and sit in their room playing it all day, but thats not an option. They get enough games, toy etc twice a year and i think you have to teach them there are other things worth spending money on.

Teenagers sitting in parks smoking, drinking etc where do you think their money comes from. You have to get kids into hobbies, sports etc very young, otherwise by their teens its too late.

My 13 - 11 year old could still be easily influenced. I will consider giving them their own money to manage in future, but until then i feel some guidance is needed.

I haven't read the thread but I didn't give pocket money until about 7 iirc. 4yos just get told 'no' and they need to learn they can't have everything they want. I'd distract away from what they want.

ds is nearly 10 and doesn't get any pocket money BECAUSE I bought him a football mag subscription which was quite expensive in lieu

I think 4 is way too young for pocket money. I also think that pocket money is something that parents give their children because that's their responsibility as parents. By the same token children should do chores around the house because that's what you do when you are part of a household. I expect mine (4 and 6) to help take out the garbage, set the table, load the dishwasher, make their beds, vacuum after dinner. I probably won't start pocket money until they are 8 or 9 and can really understand the value of money and how much things cost.

Interesting discussion!

We've just started pocket money for ds aged 8 and dd1 aged 6. We settled on £10 a month for ds and £5 a month for dd1 - anything less and they'd be saving for a l-o-o-o-n-g time for things, assuming that they also wanted a little money each week for sweets etc. This isn't linked to jobs, although I can "fine" them for particularly bad behaviour (haven't had to do it yet - the threat seems to be enough!). I will offer them the chance to earn some more money by doing jobs that would really help me out e.g. cleaning the loos and sinks, weeding etc but they have to be done properly before I'll pay out . This works particularly well with ds. I also won't dream up jobs just so they can earn money, it'll be me asking them if they want to do it IYKWIM.

I opened a building society account for each of them and at least half of the money is put in there - they can choose whether to pay the rest in or have some cash to spend for the month.

DS is saving like mad for a Nintendo DS and has chosen to have all his money paid into his account. He's so nearly there - I'm really proud of him as he's really a spend it as soon as he's got it type of child (takes after me ).

law3, when will you give them their own money to do as they choose? I'm just interested to know as I would have thought they were old enough by now - equally my older child is only 4 so there's plenty of time for me to change my mind!

By the time I was 11 I was given my child allowance for spending money on treats and activities, and buying all clothes that weren't school uniform

I saw some parenting course thing, saying give'em their own money, and hell, give em loans and charge interest and the whole shebang, practically as soon as they can talk!

Why?

Because they need to make mistakes, like misplacing it, buying something crappy that breaks in 2 minutes, getting into debt-all those evil bits about money. And they learn to save and not get what they want right away.

Better to learn this now, with parents kindly support (but not bail out), than in their 20s.

What do you thing of that?

nothing in life is free - they earn money.

This doesn't really answer the OP, about whether they should earn it, get it outright, or a combination.

But interesting idea-thay want something? "That's nice dear. What, you think it has something to do with MUMMY? No. It's your decision and your money, darling. But if you want any advice about your money, I'm here anytime."

DC: ?!?!?!

for earn it/geddit debate, I would probably choose some unworkable combination system, then forget what I had said, then forget all about it in about 1.5 days. That's what happens with start carts too.

But then dds would forget about it too, IME so far, which is why we don't do pocket money yet at 4 and 7.

?start carts?!?!?

STAR CHARTS

how do you make them do things aroudn the house, for the sake of the family?

My dd1 doesn't give a monkeys.

i say jump - they say how high.

no flufy arse faffing pandering shit goes on in my house.

so when i say "i would like the kitchen cleaned please"

the kitchen gets bloody well cleaned or they face my wrath - which includes remembering how much money teenagers seem to want for fuck all off me. "ok, i'll remember next time you want a dvd or computer game"

or

in v. loud rant mode " i have been at work all day, how dare you disrespect my wishes, how dare you disrespect my feelings. get your arse from in front of the TV and clean the kitchen NOW!"

there are many other phrases and saying but thats the general gist.

if they want money though - they ask me - say lets negotiate what is worth...say a fiver... i might come up with cleaning the drain and washing out the dustbin

I have just started giving ds pocket money, he has just turned 3 and gets £3 per week, which I know sounds a lot but I don't buy him ice creams or comics or anything, he buys it all from his pocket money. He has to save half of it to buy bigger toys etc and the other half he can buy what he likes with. Ds loves having his own money and putting half of it in his piggy bank, although he is very young he seems to have got the concept of it, today he wanted a Cbeebies magazine and asked me how many weeks it would take before he has enough money for it.

Chickhick, that sounds like it's working, nice job and stick with it.

I was too harrassed and not present at that age, which is also why my 2 are lazy-nannies and grannies did the jumping not dds. It annoys me that they all keep talking about dds "helping" mum. I tried to point out the error of their terminology, but it's useless, though dh is aware.

So I (and this week dh) am the only one in their life who is so unreasonable as to ask them to do anything that isn't fun. I come across like a mean b*tch for asking, and I soon lose my temper and start voicing my wrath but it doesn't get me what I want, which is sharing of the chores without stress on my part.

If I put the clothes on their bed, they forget and crawl over them-hours of ironing down the drain.

So far only bribery has worked, and the novelty wears off after about 2 days.

I sound really horrible, dont i!!!

Friday - To be honest, i dont see the point of pocket money. Other than kids being able to buy whatever they want all year long. I do give my kids money, just not to buy material things with. So i suppose they do get pocket money in a way. They will spend a lifetime managing and budgeting, i dont see what the rush is.

Majorstress - all the while they are making mistakes, replacing lost things etc with someone elses money are they really learning!!If someone gave you £10 to buy something and you lost it and you knew the following week you would be given another £10 to replace it, would you care!!