regression after new baby any advice???

[rubyroo]

my 3.5yr old dd has completely regressed after her sister was born in june i know this is really common but i'm at wits end!! she's witholding wee and poo and refusing to sit on toilet has been really bad for a about 1 month i've tried ignoring it star charts rewards etc today i snapped and really shouted at her told her i was going to put her back in nappies if she didn't stop,all the things you're not supposed to do had to get my mum to come and get her because i felt close to the edge she particularly likes to do it when i'm seeing to the baby or the baby is crying she gets hysterical. i'm trying to stay calm and give her some attention but my nerves are v frayed. her speech has backtracked too and shes started getting out of bed at night!! now any advice?

As you know it is all about attention. Don't try and make her grow up more than you would have done had she reamained an only child. Involve her with helping with the baby but also try and give her special one to one time with you and maybe her nana too. See, being a baby is boring really as you can't do XYZ with mummy. As soon as you stop reacting about the regressing she will stop doing it. Good luck.

Poor rubyroo. Only advice I can give is to try your best to make sure she gets some time just for herself with you, especially when the baby is asleep. How about involving her with the baby? Getting her to help with nappy changes, passing the wipes etc. Not much more than the stock HV advice I know. I also tried to make sure the baby fitted around my eldest's routine and not the other way around.

don't try to keep up with the housework too much. Do the bare minimum. time with your eldest is more important at the moment. (that's what I told myself anyway - my house is a TIP!)

Good luck!!

thanks NAB3 and marge2 i just needed someone to listen really i know i've got to hang in there with her its just made me question my parenting skills really but am trying to be more postive thanks

Ruby - I remember one time when DS2 was only a few weeks old and DS1 was not even 2 yet. Trying to b-feed Ds2, DS1 hysterical and wanting to climb on me. DS2 hysterical if I stopped feeding. I was knackered, both DS1 and I were not very well. In the early days my Mum came every day to help out ( Thanks Mum!) I clearly remember her walking through the door to find all three of us in floods of tears and me sobbing ' Thank GOD you're here!' .

Just keep on telling and showing your eldest how much you love her. That works best IMO. You will be glad to hear that 2 years laater we are all sane, happy and well adjusted. It DOES get better - honest! Hang in there.

DS1 went through an aggressive stage with DS1. Kicked him in the face wearing hard shoes once !!!! Now they get on like a house on fire!