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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

So, tell me honestly, what stereotypes do we have about only children?

88 replies

stressteddy · 22/08/2007 10:34

Read an article recently about only children and it was saying that many people assumed they would be spoilt, quiet, socially awkward etc
I wondered what you thought of only children? (Please be honest - I know you will be MNers!)
I ask because I am STILL unsure about having any more

OP posts:

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bellbottoms · 24/08/2007 22:11

Interesting thread- and of course for most, the choice isn't there..I get worried being a single mother of one (DS 3/5 yrs), that whilst I love the time I can give him now, he certainly is more clingy than other kids with siblings I know - he knows that typically he has 90% attention from a parent, esp as when with his Dad, doesn't even have him having to take the washing in! So I do conisder having another 'anyway' so he doesn't have that feeling of responibilty/pressure (plus additional spoiling from having two single parents!)- though as his Dad's about for him (though can't have him to stay so I can get on with my life with a bit more freedom, argh!!) it'd be tricky to have another without a Dad (and how on earth would I manage to pull that off?!!). But I do love just being able to take him for day trips anywhere and it doesn't cost the earth (he loves picnics!) and no worries about jugglying ages/interests.

bellbottoms · 24/08/2007 22:22

ophs, I didn't really answer the question! My 'best' friend when I was young was an only child - she (plus her parents, I imagine!) loved coming on holidays with us, she was my 'sister' as my brother was 4 yrs older, and I used to love going to her house, as I guess her parents had substiuted moire kids with anilmals- they had a menagerie and it was lovely to be part of it, without other siblings getting in the way to feed all the pets, she certainly wasn't spoilt (take's more time to look after pets than people) and I gained a lto from the friendship. The only other singletons I know were adopted - but both great people (of course one's my mum!), unique in a way that everyone should be, with perhaps an inner strength that seems greater than most with moments of weakness greater than most- both very happy to have had two childern to give themselves blood relatives and more relatives. If only we could look into a crystal ball and see our children (single or not) as happy adults, then we might not worry!

southeastastra · 24/08/2007 22:24

my dp and dh are only children. they're both very sociable.

MamaMaiasaura · 24/08/2007 22:52

Ds was only child for last 7 years (expecting no.2 now). He is a sociable, bubbly confident boy. Gets on well with other children and adults. Shares his toys. Has clear ideas of right and wrong. Is very aware of 'fairness'. Was quick to talk and has a fantastci vocabulary, general knowledge and also academic ability. I dont know if this is just pure luck or down to the amount of 1-1 interation he has benefited from as an only child. HE is also very sensitive to other peoples feelings and is very deomonstrative. He is a very loving little boy.

Very glad we are expecting another as ds will be a fab big brother and i dont like to think of ds alone in terms of family when i die (i know it sounds morbid) or if i am very ill.

We are even thinking of a no.3 too!

jorange5 · 26/08/2007 18:40

I'm an only child. I had lots of friends when I was younger but also enjoyed playing by myself so in my case the stereotypes were not fitting.

Now though I find myself wishing that I did have someone close enough to talk to about certain things, although DP is one of 5 kids and he never talks to any of them about personal stuff.

When I was little my parents took me on holidays abroad and that would never have happened if there was anther child to pay for.

I must say that I do not like sharing very much, but I don't know whather everyone is like that to a certain extent. i do share of course, I just don't want to

MontysMummy · 28/08/2007 13:20

Hi all. I had no idea there was such a hang up about only children! I'm an only child and think I'm pretty normal (well, as much as can be expected with my family cos they're all bonkers so not such a good start in life with that gene pool). I consider myself to be very outgoing, independent, friendly and don't bite as a general rule. I wouldn't say I act as an only child but was lucky as I wouldn't have been able to pursue my ice skating career (competed at the European Championships = very expensive) if I'd had brothers or sisters as money was tight as it was so I'm not sure if that would put me in the spoilt bracket... I also don't feel that I've 'missed out' by being an only child. My dh on the other hand can be quite selfish at times and can also act like the world revolves around him on occasion and he's got three brothers, him being the oldest. Ironically, the youngest, who was quite a few years behind the first two, is completely spoilt.

We made the conscious decision to only have one - partly due to medical reasons but also so that we could give our child all of our attention and funds! Our ds is 16 months and is such a good natured little boy. (I'd be really cheesed off if he was a bugger as he was a long time in coming.) He's been going to nursery full time since he was six months old. Think of that what you will as that's another sore topic for a lot of people - to work or not to work, that is the question... He seems to play well with other children. He also plays quite happily on his own which is handy when I want to get stuff done around the house.

So definitely not sure what to make of all this 'only child' issue...

MontysMummy · 28/08/2007 13:22

ps: sorry for the long post

Hels67 · 28/08/2007 14:04

Both DH and I are only children - I longed for siblings, to the extent that I invented a sister (actually a very large doll that sat in the window for my friends to see...). However I had a lot of friends - 2 of my nursery school friends are still very close friends even now, 35 odd years later. It was difficult when I went on holiday with my parents, but I just used to make finding friends the first thing to do on Day 1 and then it was fine.
I don't think I was really spoilt - I didn't have a bike (just one borrowed from an older friend) and I certainly didn't get everything I wanted - although inevitably as an only child you benefit more as parent/grandparent funds don't have to be shared between more children.
We have a DD, so far an only child - we would like another child, but it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't happen.

zookeeper · 28/08/2007 14:06

only read the op but imo the stereotype is alive and kicking

TwoToTango · 28/08/2007 14:08

I really like and agree with your post MontysMummy. One mum at the school seems fasinated by the fact anyone could only want/have one child and asks some quite personal and, IMO rude, questions. Sometimes I feel like asking her if she ever thinks she's selfish because she's had too many children - not sure i'm brave enough though.

ClaireBlair · 30/08/2007 05:10

I just finished reading a book called "You and Your Only Child" by Patricia Nachman, an American psychologist. It was very reassuring. It discussed the stereotypes and offered ways to counter them, in addition to actual evidence from studies that discounted them. I would highly recommend it for anyone second guessing their decision to have only one.

alipiggie · 30/08/2007 05:19

Well I'm an only one and was always called precocious as I mixed with a great many adults from an early age. I like to think I'm sociable and I'm certainly very chatty and gregarious (modest too ). I was never lonely luckily, but it certainly helped me make the decision to try for more than one child and was lucky enough to get two boys who are great friends as well as siblings.

There's nothing wrong with having just one child. It saddens me that today only children are still viewed as spoilt and unable to share. I truly do not believe that to be true of all only children.

Boredveryverybored · 30/08/2007 05:29

My dd is my only one and is now 6 1/2. I think sometimes it is obvious that she's an only child. She is very confident around adults, sometimes more so than with other children. She is great at sharing but doesn't seem to have a good grasp of understanding how other kids are feeling iykwim, although she is very empathetic with me and other adults in her life.
But she's not quiet at all! lol

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