So, tell me honestly, what stereotypes do we have about only children?

[stressteddy]

Read an article recently about only children and it was saying that many people assumed they would be spoilt, quiet, socially awkward etc
I wondered what you thought of only children? (Please be honest - I know you will be MNers!)
I ask because I am STILL unsure about having any more

anyone who's interested, there was a great and very thorough article in the Guardian last year on this subject. it really put my mind at rest about having an only child (my mother is an only child and she is a loon!!)

www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,,1825230,00.html

I had two brothers (1 died aged 19), I am very fortunate to have always had a close family but that said we do have our arguments and if one of us falls out with one of my parents we go to our sibling for support, I think I would have hated to be an only child and am probably having my second dc for the sake of my ds as really he fulfils all my needs and desires. I have a very close friend that is an only child and hates it, always tells me an only child is a lonely child. I do, however, strongly believe that if a child is selfish, spoiled etc, it has more to do with the teachings of the parents, my father is one of seven and very selfish

I am an only child and knew as soon as I decided to have children that I would try for more than one.
I compare my childhood with my DH?s, which even though quite turbulent, in contrast I feel like I lost out slightly. Whatever I did gain I personally feel it did not compensate me for not having a sibling.

Being an only child does have advantages, in my case primarily financial. My parents weren?t rolling in it but I did have more materially than my friends. Unfortunately I lived in a quite remote area and had to rely on my parents to transport me everywhere. They were very good but obviously there were many times I was stuck at home when my friends were together. This caused major headaches. Also my mother esp was V over protective which did not help and my relationship with her from 12 ? 17 was very strained, although now I see her nearly every day!
I am very social and love going out etc but if at home I am still quite solitary and enjoy my own space far more than my DH who was one of 3.
I strongly believe I struggled with confidence to mix with people, esp boys. None of my friends had brothers so that may have something to do with it!

Hm...I suppose usuualy there is those that you mentioned op...saying that...personally yes, I agree you can find those traits in some only children, but you can't find them in al...you can find the traits mentioned in children where there are multiple children too, sometimes one of the Kids often all...so, that one gives me a conclusion it's about how you raise a child, and which "status" you give it in the family, rather then if a child a an only one,etc...

I am NOT an only child and I am extremely selfish, hate sharing yet I'm the first to expect people to share chocolate with me.I was terribly shy as a child my poor mother had to stay at my friends' houses with me. It took me YEARS to leave home YEARS to earn any decent money and even then I would spend it on utter shite and then go crying to my parents for help with bills. My older sister is the complete opposite and I daresay would have had a much better time if I hadn't got in the way.
!!!!!!!
I know 6 'only' people and they are the nicest, kindest, most interesting, well rounded and grounded people.
I certainly won't be inflicting a pain in the arse spoilt younger sibling on my daughter. She can have a dog instead!

Do you know I feel really good for having been so honest about myself for once in my sorry ass life!!!!!

My DD is an only (we started too late). Quite a lot of her classmates are onlies also and I don't think theres any significant difference between them and those with siblings. Not any more or less spoilt, nor socially awkward and CERTAINLY not quiet!!

Major downside is that I still have to play pretend games with DD. Major upside is that I still get to play other games and goof around with DD.

Good idea to have a pet - our dog is 'brother' and another living being whose needs have to be considered.

I was kind of like an only child 12 and 15 years between myself and two brothers and compared to my dh (one of seven) I think I was more selfish I like to think that i am less selfish now probably from marrying dh and having kids. When we met tho dh was always being helpful to others and having people round and I really struggles with that and I was a bit of a selfish bitch at times also because I used to feel really jealous. I'm ashamed I was like that but I think it wasn't so much that I was spoilt but that I just wasn't used to getting along with other people - social skills and used to only thinking about myself, hadn't learn the give and take thing that you get with younger siblings.

Too add to this I oftened wished I had a sibling closer in age especially when I was a teenager and when we used to go on holidays with my parents - I felt embarrassed sometimes and wished I had someone to hang out with rather than just me and them.

This is a really interesting thread! My dh is an only child of older parents - something which is becoming a lot more common now. He says he was lonely as a child and is determined that we will have more than one child because of this (I am pregnant with our first baby). I'm not committing to anything until I see how I get on with this one!! My dh lives up to the stereotype in some ways - he is confident and single minded and can be very difficult to live with as he is not used to compromise. His dad is also an only child and I think this has caused serious problems with their relationships - my dh finds it very difficult to get on with his dad who is a rather difficult person who likes his own way and calls a spade a spade. One of the sad things for only children, from my dh's experience is the responsibility they feel for their parents as they get older. My mil died a few years ago and my dh is still struggling to deal with it.

A bit like Duvet I was an only child till I was 10. I often think me and my bro are more like 2 only children than siblings, if that makes sense. I don't think I was spoilt or particularly selfish (many will disagree!) but I do think I was very used to hanging out with adults and not all that confident with my peer group. There's only 2 years between by dss'. I really wanted them to have the experience of a close sibling that I didn't have.

Haven't read this whole thread but will tomorrow when I get a chance.
I have one ds. would have loved another but lost a pg 2 years ago and haven't had another. Prob too late (I'm ancient!)
I think it depends entirely on the attitude of all involved. If the parents feel lucky and happy and that there's nothing wrong with having one (many of us don't choose to have one but it doesn't mean we want to be treated as Tragic)
If the parents feel tragic then perhaps there will be difficulties.
My ds is very lucky in having a lot of friends. I make a lot of effort for him socially because he doesn't have a sibling. But I don't think it's less work having one! You have to be much more available when you have one! When they have a playmate they go off for ages and leave you alone! One is hard work too.

Having said what I did I know my Mum wasn't particularly concerned I was an only child. I wasn't encouraged to play much with other kids which is obviously v important as lots of others have said.

I always remember the only children in my class at school as being the quiet withdrawn ones who lacked confidence and were spoilt rotten. Having said that I have a cousin who is an only child and is the complete opposite of the stereotype - you would never know he is an only child. Although we do come from a rather large family with over 25 first cousins on my mums side alone!

My mother's an only child and I remember her being quite puzzled by my sister and me - all those normal sibling battles were a mystery to her. She could never quite work out when she ought to be intervening! I imagine the worst bit of being an only child is when you lose your own parents. I know it hit her hard - both her parents were gone by the time she was 24.

Ds is an only so far. I would like to have another, because I don't want him to miss out on the possiblity of the sort of relationship I have with my sister (I have two, but one is much younger so didn't really grow up with her). I do try to make sure ds has plenty of opportunities to play with other kids.

I am the oldest of three and was and still am useless at socialising, i just find it really hard. But i know that i don't want DS to be an only child because the happy memories of my childhood involve my brother and sister. The idea of having more than one scares me a bit because of the extra responsibility but when i think about when he is 5 or 6 and it's a rainy day, it's going to be boring for him just to play with me if his friends are busy etc. I've had 2 BFs who were only children and they both fitted the stereotype perfectly, although i have a girl friend who is an only child and a lovely person. My cousin is an only child and quite lonely (at 7) and my auntie says she wishes she could have had another. It's thinking about christmas and summer holidays, days out etc that has convinced me i want more than one because for me those occasions were fun because of my brother and sister.
But as lots of people have said it really comes down to how you raise your child, don't want to come across as anti only children because i am certainly not and i thought that thread a while ago on the good side of it was excellent.

I agree with mumbleboo. I have three sons, two of them are best friends with boys who are only children. One is selfish, difficult and gets completely out of control when there are lots of children around and tends to get too violent with younger children. The other is kind, gentle thoughtful, generous and a complete delight.

Obviously parental values influence children, and the way you bring them up is important. But I am not sure that background has any influence. The kind child has parents who had a difficult separation. You would think the possibilities for him to get spoilt and play each parent off eachother are limitless. However, although he has more toys than the average kid, I would never call him spoilt. It has taught me never to steriotype children. It is difficult to decide whether to have another child and some don't have a choice at all, so we would be wrong to expect children to conform to expectations.

Some only children can be selfish, just like some children with siblings can be selfish. Dh is a loner and can be very selfish(as can his sister) and he comes from a family of four. A couple of other people I know who are extremely selfish and not very good socially also have siblings. If they didn't people would say the reason they were selfish is because they are only children, but because they do have siblings their family set-up isn't blamed as such.
I have an only child and would love her to have a sibling, not because I think it would make her a better person but purely for the fact that I would like her to have a sibling for support particularly when she is older. I don't know if it will ever happen and so I do encourage friendships and get her to socialise with other children as much as I can.

Also if you do choose to have one you may regret it - people rarely seem to regret having more than one! That may be because it's a taboo to express regret but it seems a rare anyway imo.

Honestly I think there are pretty profound benefits to having siblings. Rarely can friends and cousins match the benefit of a playmate in your own house! Equally I'm one of four and am only close to one sibling. She was foul to me for years as well. Also we were all pretty foul to my younger sister who still struggles with many aspects of her life. So I don't think siblings make life perfect, they just give you more company!

Also if you choose to have only one you have to steel yourself to years of being felt sorry for on holiday and in parks "Is he your ONLY child?" (Said with a meaningful nod as if he was blighted/cursed in some way). This pity thing is pretty odious. But still, I know lots of parents who are very happy parents of one.

I am a only child. I was very lonely as a child, always had to have friends over. Holidays I was alone, didn't make friends easily.
I have one DD and can't bare the thought of having one! I def want 2! Don't want DD to be alone in the world if DH and I aren't there one day.

Just to add another perspective, I was (still am!!) youngest of 6 kids, but the next oldest is 10 yrs older. When I was younger I was always on my own, my siblings wanted nothing to do with a little kid when they were teenagers/young adults! I didn't go to nursery or anything before school, was always at home with my mum, who understandably had little 'quality'time to spend with me, never played with me etc. I've never been particularly confident, and certainly not a high-achiever in any respect!! On the other hand, my dd is a 'sort-of' only (older half-siblings) and has far more other kids in her life, went to nursery pre-school, always has friends round, and DH and I spend lots of time with her. She's confident, sociable, very happy etc. so it's not just a simple matter of being an 'only' or not, it's the bigger picture that counts.

I'm an only child, and my mum is too. I find it harder now that I am older, I know I have hubby and friends to turn to, but always felt it would be nice to have a brother or sister to turn to. I have 1 DS with another boy due on 5th November. I'm actually finding it quite difficult to come to terms with the fact I have another baby in my tummy, and feel I don't want to share my time with another little one, because for 2 years it's been me and DS! Does that make sense! Also feel I am not bonding with my bump

Hello
I have an "only" - AKA "The Teen"
I was a single Mum from her birth (long story!) and I have recently been writing a blog about life as such. blog.myspace.com/significantmother
I have been amazed at the responses I have had, and that is what led me here, to MN.
For those with OO's (Older Only's, a new acronym maybe??) please feel free to have a read and comment.
Personally, I think she is a better, well rounded person because of our situation - but this is very dependant on her (unique) character - I know it isn't the same for everyone.

Also a good resource is the website
Beinganonly
which is very good for onlies and parents of onlies.

both dh and I are only children, and look at it in completly diffrent ways. I felt lonly and was somewhat socially akward and shy, I got along with adults better than children my own age and have always found making friends difficult, where as dh was out going and never really desired to share his life with siblings. our ds is obviously an only child and so far he is quite well adjusted outgoing, and happy but i worry about him not having any siblings to turn to and my dh says one is enough he was happy as an only child and so far so is ds... then again i am left-handed and american so it could just be me that is odd

No preconceived ideas here - my cousin is an only child and he's so lovely that if he were my son, I'd thank God every nano second.

However, my first daughter was very lonely and I used to feel sorry for her as she longingly eyed other children playing with their siblings. Luckily we fell pregnant again and she adores her sister. Not that her sister was born with a job, but someone pointed out to me that when dh and I are no longer here, she won't be alone in the world. I totally get that because my parents died a long time ago and I'm grateful to have siblings who get me and we lean on each other a lot.