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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

So, tell me honestly, what stereotypes do we have about only children?

88 replies

stressteddy · 22/08/2007 10:34

Read an article recently about only children and it was saying that many people assumed they would be spoilt, quiet, socially awkward etc
I wondered what you thought of only children? (Please be honest - I know you will be MNers!)
I ask because I am STILL unsure about having any more

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sobernow · 22/08/2007 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaureenMLove · 22/08/2007 11:34

I've got just the one. Not through choice unfortunately, but nevertheless happy with my lot.
I am much tougher on my dd because of the stereotyping tbh. She is happy, well adjusted and is a credit to me & my dh (if I say somyself!)
There are loads of pros and cons to only children, for both the parents and the child. The hardest part, I found, was when she was little. I would have to be the other child, iyswim. When others have siblings to play games, it was always me. If we had a wet day for example, she would always be asking if someone could come round or could we go somewhere. Its not always possible to do that of course. With siblings, at least you can just let them get on with something. On the up side, you are through the baby/toddler stage much quicker and you get your life bck quicker too! There are loads of things I could say, but I'd go on for days and tbh I've already written this once and lost my damn connection before I posted, so I'm not doing it again! Ask me a question though, if you like!

MaureenMLove · 22/08/2007 11:38

A lot of a childs makeup comes from how they are brought up, lets face it. It makes little difference whether you are an only child or not, when it comes to behaviour. One of dd's friends has a brother and is terrible at sharing, is always running to tell tales and gets immediately teary when there is the slightest hint of teasing. DD doesn't.

Original poster

stressteddy · 22/08/2007 14:11

Thank you all for these thoughts. I guess all children have their own personalitites and this can't always be put down to being an only child
Thank you for taking the time to share these with me.
It's always so great to read your opinions and experiences on MN.
I really do love it here
Stressteddy wanders off with a rosy glow

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 22/08/2007 14:14

Blimey! I didn't think a thread would end happily on here today!

Original poster

stressteddy · 22/08/2007 14:15

Where we lead, others follow Maureen!!

OP posts:

snorkle · 22/08/2007 14:59

stressteddy, my experience of (other peoples) only children doesn't bear out the socially awkward, can't share stereotypes. They do tend to be high achievers though, which is supposed to be even more common in only's than in firstborns (has this been mentioned on the thread yet?).

MaureenMLove · 22/08/2007 15:01

There's no high acheiver in my house! She's good, but she ain't that good! Bang goes that theory!

snorkle · 22/08/2007 15:08

Not at all Maureen, it's a statistical thing. Only's are more likely to be high achievers. Obviously lots of them aren't.

muppetgirl · 22/08/2007 15:12

My dad is an only child and he is very selfish and living on his own for 15 years has made him much worse.

But from his point of view (and that of your dc) when his parents died he said that his childhood had too as he had no-one to reminiss with about his family life. 'Do you remember when....?'etc He also finds it difficult that my brothers and myself are close and tend to call each other with news/gossip before him. He then rings and says 'Hey, muppet your brother has this going on....' and I'd say, I know he phoned me yesterday.

Shoshable · 22/08/2007 15:12

Ds was a only child, tho not through choice and for a long time it was only DS and I, now he is sociable (captain of the towns rugby team) self assured, got himself a apprenticeship at 18 when he was medically refused the Army, now is a Electrician, married to a lovely SA girl, owns his own house (yes we did help him buy it, but it was the first time he asked for help) and is really good with money, maybe cos as a single parent there was never much around, so he learnt to spend wisely.

muppetgirl · 22/08/2007 15:12

My dad is definately not a high achiever either.

saltire · 22/08/2007 15:18

My only real "stereotypical example" of an only child is SIL. She techinically isn't an only child as she has DH and his brother as her half siblings. She is however step MILs only child and DH and BIL were adults when she was born.
She is a very spoilt, selfish person and insanely jealous and has never had to face up to the realities of life. But then if you are being told every single day that you are great at everything and that you are always right no matter what the circumstnaces and getting everything you ask for then you are going to turn out like that

She is in fact a bitch.

However I know not all only children are like this, as I have several friends who are, or who have only one child, and they are great, very sociable etc. What I have noticed though is that every one of my friends who was an only child has at least 2/3 children and they all say its because they hated being the only one

MaureenMLove · 22/08/2007 15:25

She sounds like a pleasure to be with saltire! You're not keen - I can tell!
Its such a hard decision to make, I would assume. I didn't have a choice sadly, but at the end of the day, as long as you bring up your only child with the same qualities and standard as those with more than one, it'll be fine. As I said before, I'm much harder on my dd, for fear of someone commenting on the only child stereotype, but I have reeped the rewards. She's happy, sensible, confident, outgoing and her friends are all of her, because she gets the biggest bedroom and doesn't have to lock things away from any siblings!
Howz the old man btw, Saltire?

MaureenMLove · 22/08/2007 15:27

Small hijack! Er, any chance of you cm's popping into the staff room sometime today - Mo needs hugs!
Hijack over - as you were!

saltire · 22/08/2007 15:28

Maureen - well he's still alvie and not in hospital. Seriously though he had a hellish night on Sunday and Monday and got into Docs yesterday who told him it was defitely muscular, and just to have plenty heat like hot water bottles and baths and take painkillers.

He said to the doctor "My wife kept telling me to put heat on it". I knew I was right, and I took great delight in saying "I told you so"

As for SIL - well I can't stand her for the reasons I gave about her personality!

MaureenMLove · 22/08/2007 15:35

Good. I was so worried that people were scaring you! I wish people wouldn't diagnose and tell scare stories on here!

paddingtonbear1 · 23/08/2007 09:16

Maureen I can identify with your posts. I am an only child and so is my dd at the moment, and that's unlikely to change. I wasn't spoilt as a child (my parents didn't have much money anyway), but I must confess we do spoil dd a bit. She seems ok so far though, she isn't bad at sharing and is popular. When it's just her and me though and she wants to play - I am hopeless at being the other child! When she starts school she will go to a friends for tea a few times a week, which I think will be good.
when I was at junior school I had loads of local friends, we always played together on our estate. Then we moved, and I went to senior school miles away from our home. I had no local friends and no siblings either. I guess that was the hardest part of being an 'only' for me - I was mainly in the company of adults. dh has quite a big family, I found that hard to get used to! They are v nice though and it's all fine now!

sarahloumadam · 23/08/2007 09:34

Ikwym Paddington Bear - I am an only child and used to find my DH's big, noisy family gatherings quite distressing! My DH has had to learn to enjoy peace and quiet and his own company sometimes. But otherwise I am fairly well-adjusted I think (twitch ).

Stressteddy - the fact that you are asking this question shows that you will bring up your child to be kind, sharing and sociable imo!

RachelG · 23/08/2007 10:21

Can I just add that having siblings doesn't necessarily mean you're used to noise and rows etc.

I had a brother (he died age 19), we were very close, and I can honestly say I think we raised our voices at eachother about 3 times.

Not all siblings fight.

sarahloumadam · 23/08/2007 10:33

Sorry Rachel, didn't mean to stereotype people with siblings .

RachelG · 23/08/2007 10:38

Sorry - I wasn't offended, just offering a different perspective!

paddingtonbear1 · 23/08/2007 10:40

dh and his sister never fight either. They are very different but have always got on well. Their family gatherings do tend to be large, noisy affairs with lots of relatives and kids - dd loves it, I used to find it a bit much! The only member of my family I see regularly is my dad. I probably would see my aunt but she lives in Oz!

bubblagirl · 23/08/2007 10:41

my son is 2.4 and is an only child my dp doesn't want anymore as much as i might spoil him he is not rude he is well mannered i do discipline if naughty and he knows right from wrong

he is very loving i think it is more how you choose to parent i do want to lavish him with things but he does not disrespect his things he is very caring as this is how i am raising him

some children can genuinly be more challenging though wether raised well or not so i think it is hard to say

MaryAnnSingleton · 23/08/2007 10:43

stressteddy - agh I hate those articles - ! I have an oonly child - a boy of ten - and I don't think he's spoiled or socially awkward - a little shy when he first meets people,but then his parents are quite shy too, but he's self sufficient, amuses himself and has great inner resources -never bored- but plays and shares nicely with other children. I do fret about him having the burden of old parents later on but I encourage lots of contact with his cousins and other fanmily members,

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