DD behaviour, is it normal? Help

[Dinodidi16]

Hi, first time on this forum.
I am desperate, I have been reading for days on this and another forums and I can't find an answer.

3 years old DD has some oddities and I am not sure if it's normal. First time mum so I don't know if I am just being paranoid.

DD hates crowded noisy places, going shopping or town with her is a nightmare, I end up with more anxiety than her, she will have a meltdown, cry for nothing, I will try everything, ask her if she needs anything. Sometimes she covers her ears. Today I asked her (thinking that she may even don't understand me) "why did you cry when we were out" her answer "loud noise, too loud" I was in a shock when she said that.

She has been toilet trained for a month now, can go to toilet by herself when at home, but when out she will have a meltdown, fight, scream and refuse to go to a public toilet or even at grandma's house, she won't use toilet.

Shower, she loves having a shower at our house, but when we go on holiday or we go to visit grandpa's and stay there for a week, every day she will cry, fight and scream before and while having a shower.

She hates, literally hates tears coming out her eyes, when she has a meltdown, she will freak out and start screaming that she has tears and to tell me to clean her eyes. Same with snots, when she cries she feels that watery snots are dripping out her nose and freaks out more, screams and cries more because does not want snots, and it becomes a vicious circle when she has a meltdown, cries because of the meltdown, freaks out because of tears and snots and then cries more and it never ends.

She does a weird face, holds breath for a few seconds holding her arms up and make fists while shaking for a few seconds, (dh says it's because she is excited) she does it when she watches tv, plays or even sometimes at bedtime, she does it between 20 and 30 times a day and has been doing since she was 1 year and half.

She is obsessed with dinosaurs, watching the same dino movie everyday, has loads of dinosaur toys, books etc loves dinosaur documentaries, and talks about dinosaurs all the time.

She is bilingual, speaks both English and Spanish with us and is fluent in both languages, can ask and answer questions, talk about emotions and needs, but when she is out and talks to strangers she just throws a list of things she has done, seen or likes (for example, dinosaurs names and things she knows, type of food she ate or likes) if a stranger asks her a simple question she does not answer them and keps talking about dinosaurs.

I may have missed something, but it's late, we had another horribe day out and I am tired.

Sorry for the long post,

Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks

I could have written this.
My dd also 3, hates showers unless it's daddy. Fights even though duh, extra water on the face child...
Hates snot and tear,
Hates public places. But actually doesn't talk to strangers, when she does eventually warm up to friends and family she will be very matter of fact.
Doesn't have any quirks like your dd but is obsessed with animals.
And has some issues with toilets and going for a wee anywhere except her "safe zone"

With the public places, I started taking my dd to library rhyme time and a local play group once a week and after a year she warmed up to it and didn't freak out when a child walked past and started almost answering questions and speaking out loud in front of people.
We are now back to square one, and I have to be by her side every single second. But have started horse riding (animal love coming in) and I've never seen her more confident even after. Two lessons, she will be led by somebody other than me and I can even be out of the paddock and watching by the side!
Maybe something similar would work to encourage your dd to get used to public spaces? Maybe organise a group trip to a Dino museum or see if they do a toddler group. A walk around and then play with Dino toys and books in an activity room? Gets used to all the noise children can create when left to play?
The tears thing, helps if I'm calm and I just offer hugs (which has to be offered loudly over the tears and over an over until she hears) , then we have cuddles and wipe snot and eyes and cuddle until we are a little calmer but this does require a lot of self control on my part not getting fed up and peed off because it's over something so stupid.
The toilet thing I think is just early days. My dd has been in knickers since 18 months, but for the first handful of months we would take three steps forward two steps back every now and then and at one point almost back in nappies, but this is a learning curve finding what works for her and also just her getting used to being dry.

Have you asked her why she does her behaviour with her arms and shaking?

Thanks for your answer and the tips Echomama, I definitely will start taking her to swimming and try some of your tips.

I wasn't really concerned about her behaviour but it got worse, we can't deal with her meltdowns and we end spending our weekends at home because her public meltdowns are unbearable.

We don't know why she does the hand and shaking thing so we have made and appointment with gp to discuss her behaviour and to show him some videos of her doing the hand thing (we think it's stimming) we are really concerned about it because it has increased with time and she does it a lot, so I have started recording her as visual proof of our concern.