Struggling mum

[HopefullyThree]

Hello.

I am struggling with my adopted 3 year old. He is so well behaved considering and I love him dearly but I get so frustrated.

How can I learn to be a better parent? How can I learn to stay calmer?

I feel he deserves better.

Don't try and be a super mum, I know how you feel being charged with the job of looking after a child is very special. You cannot do your job as a loving mum, unless you accept that no one is perfect, and you do everything that you would do if he was your own child. Being cross if he misbehaves is normal, don't be paranoid if he is on a climbing frame, and you don't need to feel he deserves better. We can all say that, and many mums think to themselves, I wish I could afford a new bicycle for him, or I wish I didn't need to spend time at work. Please don't feel bad about yourself, act normal and enjoy your son, you both deserve it. Best Wishes

What is causing your frustration? being a parent is definitely the hardest job in the world...

He just seems to know how to push my buttons. :(

Is gorgeous, kind and thoughtful but also defiant and has an attitude when he wants to.

Children will always try to push the boundaries, that sort of behaviour will never really stop, although it should get better. Being defiant is normal, firstly you can reduce the amount of times he shows defiance by being less negative, if he asks for something, think hard "do I really need to say no here" some parents will say you can't go to the park it's been raining "Wrong answer"
Children particularly older Children know that what they are asking for is possible. With a 3YO, however, If it is not possible, then a firm no, with only a brief reason; if any defiance, don’t get into an argument, “ I’ve said no”, any more and you can sit on the naughty-step, failure to sit on the naughty step, you say he will lose he's favourite toy. You need to be assertive, not namby-pamby, get down to his height gat eye contact and tell him straight.

As the previous poster has said, children will always try to push boundaries, it is a way for them to learn what is acceptable and what it is not, they will go as far as they can go. Even though it can be hard and frustrating at times with them been incredibly stubborn it is what you want to see from them developmentally - a child not doing these things to some extend would be concerning.