Help! 3yo has stopped l8stening

[LittleAndOften]

Recently our 3yo (almost 4) has stopped listening to DH & I and more worryingly his childminders when they go out and about.

These situations are getting more and more frequent with DS refusing to make eye contact or follow instructions. He ran off from the childminders this week, the first time he's ever done that. This morning DH was trying to explain why he had to hang out the washing before he could play and DS just wouldn't listen, singing to himself, running off, acting like he couldn't hear. Simple things like getting dressed, putting on shoes etc are battle grounds. I'm a very calm person, former teacher, I don't get wound up I'm just baffled. DH gets a bit more easily frustrated.

Part of me wonders if this is a reaction to our difficult family circumstances right now - DH has been off work unwell for a few months and is receiving therapy, I'm due to give birth in a couple of weeks and am on crutches with pgp so can't play on the floor or join in physical activities. I also wonder if it's a impending baby thing, or just a phase.

Either way, we're desperate for strategies if anyone can please advise.

Sounds normal unless there’s something else developmentally going on. Most children stop listening about 3. They push boundaries and please themselves rather than understand why you want to talk to them. It’s frustrating

Strategies - I try to identify what the “pinch points” in the day are - usually getting ready to go out and bedtime. I try to anticipate when they’ll not listen as try not to shout and get angry. Although I’m certainly not perfect (I do shout) but I know why and when they are not listening and try to reward good behaviour. We have a star chart at the moment for the morning routine - star for putting shoes on, getting dressed etc

@littlecaf thank you. I think we'll reinstigate the star chart. We tried it for potty training and it didn't work but he's older now so got to be worth a try.

@Littlecaf. Good advice, very refreshing to read. Children will listen more if not nagged, or explanations are simple. running off from the child minder should result in some serious talking to DS. You mentioned that he already runs off and does not listen to you, that has to stop now.
When children are misbehaving there has to be consequencies. What ever you choose, must not be excessive, must be fair, and must be followed through. With all your problems going on, children see it as weakness, because you lapse in carrying out what you said would happen. It is important to follow through with things like drawing or colouring if you have said DS can, this is just as important of ensuring that DS listens to you about running off. You must be very strict about it assertive, and no eye contacy means he must sit on the naughty step.