Naughty/Thinking step, having a slight problem with it

[nutcracker]

Ds is 4.8 and we have just started using the naughty/thinking step but we are having a few problems, mainly being that he shouts all of the time he is sat on there.

He does stay sat which tbh was a surprise because I thought he just get up again, but he carries on arguing with me about whatever it was that got him sat there in the first place, and generally just shouts and screams whilst he is there.

What am i supposed to do then ? Do I wait to start his 4 min until he is silent ? (well don't mind him talking gibberish to himself) , or do I add on extra time or what ??

ignore

Oh I do ingore, but alot of the time, the screaming and arguing with me is what got him sent out there in the first place, so if he carries on doing it whilst sat there then I don't feel like it's making any difference.

Ignore him. He cant exactly have an argument on his own can he?

He will soon give up hollering if you dont respond to him. I dont wait until they are silent as mine would be there all day. 4 mins and then "well done dd/s" big hug and off we go!

x post sorry!

Right ok, will just carry on ignoring then and see if he eventually gets the message.

yep, just totally ignore him. Don't respond. That's what he wants. Doesn't matter if he shouts while he's there, it's the ignoring part that's important - no interraction from you while he's on the Thinking Step. Bad behaviour gets no attention, including shouting on the step. Once he's off and calmed down, you can have a sensible discussion about whatever it was.

TBH, I'm not convinced that timing his stay on there helps. I plonk DS1 on there (3.4) and tell him he has to stay there until he's ready to say sorry/pick up what he's thrown, or whatever. Sometimes takes 30 seconds, sometimes 3 minutes.

I think ignoring is the only way to demonstrate that it wont get him anywhere. I have this with my dd, not so much now but she can't leave it alone either and I found myself going demented trying to reason/overrule/debate with her - was hard to ignore her as she was excellent at baiting me but it was the only way to re-inforce who was in charge.

By staying on the step I think he IS acknowledging your authority - he's just not too pleased about it!!

shut a door between you and the step. then there's no point shouting.

we get the shouting as well, but at least this way he gets the idea that you are not listening. Our DS has to sit on the bottom step in the hall. I shut the door behind him and tell him I'll be back in 4 mins.

Right ok,will shut door, as I did have it open so that I could see he was sat down.

He just did 3 times on there in the space of about 15 min LOL.

We send either DD to the stair with the instruction to come back when they have calmed down and are ready to say "Sorry". Unless they have got off the stair - usually to grab something and throw/hit it in a tantrum - we ignore them, no matter what the noise. If they are hitting/throwing etc, we go to them, no eye contact, no talking and put them back on the stair, removing whatever they have grabbed. Maybe repeat once or twice (usually only with the younger one now). Generally DD#1 comes back quite quickly now as she knows she will not win and the only way out is to be calm and come and say sorry. As soon as that happens something nice will happen - a hug or something pleasant to prove we are all over it too. DD#2 is bit younger though and doesn't quite get it, so we go to her after only a minute or so, and gently try to calm her, and if she is settling a bit then we carry on as a happy family. If she gets worse though back on the step and leave her to it.....if only for my own sanity!!!
DD#1 is almost 3, dd#2 is 16mths but a very advanced little thing for her age. We use it very rarely with her just now as she is so young. Usually a raised voice "No!" to her has her back off and come arms open demanding "cuddle!" whilst almost in tears. She certainly knows the ways to manipulate