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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What to do when DS (16 months) has tantrums

19 replies

Quootiepie · 02/08/2007 18:09

DS has started to have tantrums when he wants something, or to do something which he can't have/d and I am not sure how i should be reacting to it. If he screams when a toy is stuck I get it, but he has started screaming and crying when I am cooking dinner and he is at the gate, or when he wants or the bed etc. Do I just ignore it?
Thanks x

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Egg · 02/08/2007 18:11

My DS is the same. He is now 17 months and it started about 3 or 4 months ago I think. It really DOES work to either ignore him until he breaks in his screaming and then go over to him and give him something to amuse him, or to distract him with something else. If I am cooking and DS is bored I make sure he has as much as possible to do.

Whatever you do, if he is screaming for something that you have not let him have, don't give in and let him have for the sake of peace or he will try it again and again. Slowly but surely my DS is learning that his tantrums get him nowhere....

Thank God they have never happened in public YET!

Twiglett · 02/08/2007 18:11

yup ..or distract .. or throw occasional platitudes at him

Twiglett · 02/08/2007 18:12

if its just when cooking you could give him stuff to 'help' .. like pans and spoons to stir on the floor

Original poster

Quootiepie · 02/08/2007 18:14

He has started in public, throwing himself on the floor at tesco when I wouldn't let him wander off He has started t throw his toys in the kitchen at me when I am cooking too! i shamm continue to ignore

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Original poster

Quootiepie · 02/08/2007 18:16

Ds would never sit and play with pans and spoons, he would try and open and close the oven/washing machine/cupboards/freezer I shall try though, I am scared of dropping something on him though.

OP posts:

Egg · 02/08/2007 18:16

Ugh I never let my DS out of his buggy in the supermarket, he is well strapped in! If he wasn't it would be carnage.

DS also likes to play with wooden spoons, saucepans and saucepan lids while I am in kitchen.

Original poster

Quootiepie · 02/08/2007 18:17

LOL, he was screaming in the trolley. On the whole he is an angel... it's just sometimes...

OP posts:

Twiglett · 02/08/2007 18:18

and thinks 'just wait till he's 3'

lillaura123 · 02/08/2007 21:30

oh little boys a real joy arent they
my ds was exactly the same it began to get me and dh really down we couldnt understand why he was so cross all the time and he usually took it out on dd which was needless to say horrible because altho 2 years his senior she grew scared of him - we started to put him in the pushchair when he was doing this so we could point him away from us until he calmed down nd that worked - now the tantrums arnt such a prob they are not daily he is no 2 years old and i think he understands more as we put him on the stairs as we do our dd

lillaura123 · 02/08/2007 21:31

oh but dont they make up fo it with love ey? my ds is so full of kisses and cuddles and he always says sorry when he gets off the stairs to with a big hug

mumsville · 02/08/2007 22:09

Watching this thread with interest.

ds 15 months also started tantrums couple of months - about the same time as started walking therefore think he's tryhing out his new freedom.

I find discipline harder and harder. eg. banging the tv. Would say no - a solitary moan would emit and he'd wander off. Now if daddy say's no in soft voice he bursts into tears and if I say it he does it all the more with smirk so I put him in playpen. Don't say no often - just the electrical stuff really.

However, he's started slapping my face. And does is more. Tonight I said no and frowned and he was in floods of tears almost hyperventilating.

What's the best tactic?????

Re supermarket. I never let ds out of the pushchair - once out won't go back in without a fight.

I ignore most tantrums but I'm unsure if that's right?

lillaura123 · 02/08/2007 23:38

mumsville u are doing great be sturn, constant and dont give in to tears as he will learn that that is as much as you can take he is testing his bounderies, as for supermarket and pushchair fight - they all do that isnt it awful when u almost have to karate chop ur child just to get them to bend so you can get straps on - dont look shocked ladies you know what i mean. unfortunatly this is where you learn that mummys and daddy cant always be nice

MaeBee · 03/08/2007 09:01

my baby is starting tantrums already and he's only 10 mths. but i find it hard to know when to comfort him and when to be firm. i guess you have to try to be both gentle and firm always!
i mostly let him explore whatever unless its possible death! or broken glass etc.. in the kitchen he is allowed into one cupboard: the pots and pans one. theres no point us getting them out and putting them on the floor, he wants to open the cupboard and pull them out. noisy, sometimes bashes his foot, but he gets to examine things the way he wants to, and seems to buy a bit of washing up time! can you try that? we lock the other cupboards so he tries them and we don't have to say no, but he can't hurt himself.

lillaura123 · 03/08/2007 09:08

i was the same with ds but with 3 kids under 5 i decided to put a sairgate at kitchen door the ony time any of them are in kitchen now is meal times - because little bys always find something to get into mine started to climb up the fridge freezer lol

pipsqueeke · 03/08/2007 09:12

mums ignore with DS he used to put his head in his hands and fling himself on the floor screaming ignoring him works best - when he's feeling a tantrum now coming on he'll place himself nicely on the floor and deosn't scream jsut salks. then he gets up we have a cuddles and it's all forgotten about.

re tescos - distraction is the key I find. lighter stuff is passed to DS to put in the trolly himself and we have snacks toys etc which he thinks are fab - also I play with him ont he way around whilst picking the shopping up - he's strapped in as well wouldn't do shopping wiht him otherwise.

also Q - with DS he has pots and pans out - if your DS won't sit wiht them you try sitting on the floor with him for a while to peel the spuds or what ever and give him a few bits of potato of vbeg himself in his own pot DS loves than as then he really is like mum re the opening the washer etc - let him DS does we've not made an issue out of it and he soon gets board. esp when he realises pots and bans make noise!

pipsqueeke · 03/08/2007 09:13

just sulks even

mummymagic · 03/08/2007 09:24

MaaBee, with a 10 month old I say you can comfort and be firm. They are not mutually exclusive. You have to remember your goal - what are you aiming for? - eg i want dd to lie down while she is having nappy changed. I make her 'stay there' in a firm voice and she isn't happy about it but I am not horrible. I won't give in (ie I will always 'achieve my goal' but I may try lots of methods to get there)

Once you have achieved your goal - let them be cross and you get on with something else/the task happily and calmly. Same as the break in screaming then 'distract' method.

Its ok for them to be cross about not getting their own way, its just a natural reaction. They have got to be allowed to be angry.

Leati · 03/08/2007 09:31

Quootiepie,

I think you have to remember that DS doesn't have the verbal skill to tell you what he wants or needs yet. He is trying to communicate with you the only way he knows how to. Personally, at this age I would not ignore a scream because he doesn't have the option of communicating with words, yet. Instead I would ask him what he wants, encourage him to point to it, and remind him what it is called. In my kitchen I have a cupboard filled with plastic ware (away from the stove) and my DD loves to pull it out and play with it. This gives me an opportunity to cook while she is in my sight playing.

I hope this helps.

Good Luck!

snowleopard · 03/08/2007 09:35

Yes I think you can ignore the tantrum, but not the child IYSWIM. DS is 2 now and actually his tantrums seem to be lessening, but they started early and we've had plenty of public humdingers (busy cafes a speciality!) My tactic is to act as if he's behaving well. Ie I ignore the fact that he's screaming and shouting and kicking, I just speak to him normally and kindly, and I tell him he will feel great in 10 mins and will be ready to eat his lunch/help me with the shopping etc. I either let him lie on the floor and kick and scream, or if he's running away etc I sit with him plus blanket and cuddly toy, and cuddle him and chat to him just as if we were reading a book together or something. IME you have to let it run its course and reassure him he will soon be fine. I think a tantrum happens when they really lose control and get into an emotional feedback loop - and it must be alarming for them too. That's why I wouldn't totally ignore him or push him away - because that's like a punishment for something you can't help.

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