DS sneaking out

[melbell2]

Hi All,

I just found out my DS has snuck out about 4 times to a girls house. He's 14 almost 15 and I'm not sure what an acceptable punishment should be. Anyone have some tips?

was he sneaking out at night or during the day?

I would be having a chat with him, asking why he felt it was necessary to sneak out rather than ask to go round to her house. Then i would tell him that I don't have an issue with it, as long as her parents are ok with it, but what I do have an issue with is the fact that he didn't tell me where he was going/when he was going and so you had no idea where he could be.
then i would say that because of the sneaking out, he is grounded for 4 weeks, one week for each time he has snuck out, and no phone for 6 days each week.

@sleepismysuperpower1 thank you! He was sneaking out at night. I haven't talked to her parents yet but I don't think they knew about it either. I like the 1 week for each time. And the phone as well.

if he was sneaking out at night, i would also bring that into the discussion. something along the lines of, i didn't even know you were out so if something had happened to you on the way there, who would know?

how was he getting out of the house also? through a window, in which case i would invest in window locks, or the door, in which case you can get these door sensors, which send a sound to the plug in sensor (which you can put in your bedroom) when the door is opened. turn off the plug in sensor during the day but keep it on at night

@sleepismysuperpower1 I didn't know about the sensors. I will definitely invest in it. He went out the door, he knows the security codes. He's very lucky nothing bad happened to him, I don't think he realizes that.

I think 4 weeks grounding is too severe. As for worrying what would happen to him, I'd be far more worried that he may have been alone with this girl and that they could have had sex. Have you spoken to him about safe sex?

We talked about it a few months back briefly but apparently it wasn't enough. The two did mess around. We have been talking about it now.

I used to know a woman who found her daughter was sneaking out at night.... she went to sleep in the daughter's bed, so when the girl came back home, there was Mum in her bed! so no hiding what she was doing then. I wonder if this might get him to be more honest with you?

I think the main issue here is not how to punish him, but why he has to sneak out to see this girl in the first place. Or why he feels he has to sneak out.