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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please can we talk about 9-10 year old boys

32 replies

frascati · 30/07/2007 21:33

My ds will be 10 in January and up until recently he has been the model child (honest I am not joking). Never have to tell him off, laid back, does as he is told etc.
Just lately he is getting stroppy, rude answers back and as dh put it last night really irritating. If you tell him off he stomps off and cries.
I feel bad because maybe we are picking up on it more because he is usually so good.
Is it an age thing?

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Posey · 30/07/2007 21:37

Oh yes defo an age thing. I have a 10 yo dd, so know a lot of 10 year olds, both girls and boys.
Its a shock when they've been such angels isn't it?

Original poster

frascati · 30/07/2007 21:38

posey ~ yes it is. Worrying about teenage years now. I also feel sad as you can see the age thing. He doesn't really like parks, farms etc and used to love them.
Aww my baby is growing up

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Bubble99 · 30/07/2007 21:38

Mine will be 10 in November and I could have written your post.

No answers here but I'll be keeping an eye on this thread.

Bubble99 · 30/07/2007 21:45

One thing I've worked out is to negotiate more. Almost like going back to the toddler stage, in some ways.

If I give him choices he's more co-operative. For example. 'Do you want to sort out the mess you've left on the table now or do it after we've had a drink?

He'll do it if I put it like that but not if I say 'clear up that mess, please'

Aero · 30/07/2007 21:45

Yes, this is definitely an age thing. Pre-teen hormone changes perhaps. Perfectly normal I'm afraid.

This really shocked my in my nannying days when the model boy I'd looked after since he was 3.5 suddenly become very stroppy on occasion! He's a wonderful 20 year old young man now though and got through the teens without too much trouble I believe (still in contact with them). Now that my own ds1 has hit 9, I'm seeing similar changes, so am grateful for the insight all those years ago and am keeping my fingers crossed that we'll see the teenage years through ok too (though am definitely not prepared for a totally smooth ride)!

Original poster

frascati · 30/07/2007 21:45

Yes I know what you mean bubble. Ds's favourite thing to say atm is "you never listen to me"!

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dizzydance · 30/07/2007 21:47

Mine were exactly the same. Ds2 is 12 and ds1will be 14 in November. Everything is so different now. They have awful moods but then are really loving the next moment. Ds1 doesn't hardly ever go anywhere with me. He is constantly out with his mates or they are at our house. Ds 2 is the same mostly. I miss our days out to the pictures etc. They go with their mates now.
They can be good company at times but I feel nostalgic over the old times sometimes

Bubble99 · 30/07/2007 21:48

I try to avoid ultimatums. If I back him into a corner he'll huff his way out of it.

And keep talking indirectly. Less eye contact seems to work better these days.

Original poster

frascati · 30/07/2007 21:48

dizzydance ~ I know what you mean about nostalgia. I always feel like I wish I could go back and do it again (maybe differently?)

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granarybeck · 30/07/2007 21:50

My ds is 10 and has always been so laid back and just no trouble. He's not difficult really now, it's just been a shock that he's suddenly been a bit stroppy and sulky. When I've talked to him I think it's actually scared him a bit that he doesn't know why he's being like this. I think they are still little in some ways in that he still wants cuddles. It is scary though to see your little boy showing even slight signs of teenagerness.

dizzydance · 30/07/2007 21:50

Yes, I think I would be a lot more patient. I realise how quickly the years fly now.

Bubble99 · 30/07/2007 21:51

dizzydance. I took the precaution of having not only DS1 ( nearly 10) and DS2 (7)

But also....

DS3 (2 and a half) and.....DS4 (nine months)

So I have ensured that I will have a littlie to cuddle for a few years yet when the older two are off with their mates.

I am very tired, though.

Hassled · 30/07/2007 21:51

My DS1 is 20, so I've been through it, and DS2 is 9, so I'm starting to go through it. TBH I can deal with the moods, but what I've hated is the decrease in the level of communication you get with boys - they just stop telling you stuff, after years of knowing everything they're thinking. DS1 is still a complete mystery most of the time. IME girls are harder work in terms of strops and moods, but at least my DD (18) has always told me why she's in a strop.

granarybeck · 30/07/2007 21:53

Oh gosh, those last couple of posts have really made me feel sad that he's getting big. Feels like running out of time with him being little. I know, they do need to grow up, and I do enjoy seeing him being grown up and chatting to him, just thinking should make the most of these summer hols!

Bubble99 · 30/07/2007 21:55

Go on.....

Have another boy or two....

You know you want to.

Original poster

frascati · 30/07/2007 21:56

I feel bad really. He only strops about 2-3 times a day and other then that is as good as gold.
Just shocking to see the change really.

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dizzydance · 30/07/2007 21:57

blimey bubble99 you must be exhausted. I bet its worth though. I nearly had number 3, but never actually went through with it. Dh wasn't quite sure so we didn't go for it in the end.
I agree boys don't tell you things. Ds1 has a lock on his phone so I can't read anything on it although he is quite trustworthy.
I can't believe my child is taller than me.

Desiderata · 30/07/2007 22:01

I have a step-son who went through the 9-10 stage about four years ago.

It's perfectly normal, frascati. Upsetting, but normal. It's always been my firm belief (through observation), that the character of a child is set fairly early. So if he's been a model child, he'll revert. Children get hormonal surges periodically, and thing can get rough.

But hold on in there. Your little boy is still there!

Posey · 30/07/2007 22:03

One thing I've noticed, and really have to remember, is that particularly when they've been really well-behaved, compliant kids beforehand, they actually find it rather scarey to have these hormones. The best thing I said to dd once, after she'd calmed down, was simply "its a bit scarey having these moods isn't it?" and she just said "yes" but knew I was still on her side iyswim.
I'm not always sympathetic though like today. It is hard juggling a 4.5 yo boy who just wants the park or to kick a ball around and a 10 yo dd who feels a bit in limbo I think.

Original poster

frascati · 30/07/2007 22:04

posey ~ i know what you mean about juggling. I have an almost 8 yr old dd (who has mild sn) and she loves the park. Before ds would go and make friends with whoever is there but now he just wants to get home onto his computer! If he has a friend of same age he is ok to run around.

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MadEyemarthamooDy · 30/07/2007 22:05

Yup, tis an age thing. Ds1 is 10 too. He's mostly lovely - and really such a good boy, but he can also be quite moody and sullen (I definitely see a glimpse of the future teenage years) and will have big wailing fits these days at the drop of a hat (and hasn't really thrown tantrums for years).

I've had a lot of.. you like him (ds2) more than me/you're harder on me than you are on him (probably true)/you expect me to be perfect/why are you always nagging me (that was today actually...)

I think it's a hard age - it's so in-betweeny. Part of him still wants to be a little boy and play games with his 5 year old brother, and part of him is heading rapidly for teenager-dom and feeling too 'big' for babyish stuff. I watched him in the park yesterday and he spent a lot of time just wandering around, draping himself over things and looking bored..til he found something he and his brother could play on really well together and then they were both shrieking with laughter and he forgot all about being cool.

It's sad - I feel like I don't have much of my little boy left - it won't be long before he won't want to come anywhere with us. He'll be just about to start secondary school this time next year Where did that two year old go?

carol3 · 30/07/2007 22:05

snap! so reassuring really started to worry about mine, hes 10 in november and has always been so easy, he is very stroppy and emotional at the moment.

Original poster

frascati · 30/07/2007 22:07

Desiderata ~ But hold on in there. Your little boy is still there.

What is wrong with me that lovely sentence just had me welling up, thanks

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twentypence · 30/07/2007 22:08

The other day I taught some 9 year olds - lovely, inquisitive, bright, happy, unfettered by a need to be cool - a joy to teach.

Then the 10 year olds came in - complete bloody nightmare, as you say really irritating, more like toddlers than children.

So yes, I think it's an age thing.

Posey · 30/07/2007 22:08

Oh yes the computer!
I took ds down to our shared garden today leaving dd in her room moping. A bit later she joined us and forgot her mood and just joined in, football, piggie in the middle, frisbee etc. We had a lovely time and it is like that most of the time isn't it? They just have to learn to handle their emotions I guess.

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