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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help me with my 4 year old - he cut the cat's whiskers off this morning

98 replies

EscapeFrom · 30/07/2007 11:54

This is an ongoing saga... every morning he gets into the kitchen by takinfg the chain off the latch, and does something.

Last week, he took raw sausages and ate them, dropped raw eggs on the living room floor, got my sharp knife from the back of the surface and cut large wedges of cheese off the block, went into the bathroom and made papier mache tissue sculptures in the bath...

I tell him off - he apologises, can't give a reason for why he does this, and promptly does it again.

I leave food out for him, temptingly in front of the computer - he either eats it and goes on the mooch, or ignores it and goes on the mooch.

I lock the kitchen door with a chain - he stands on chairs, toys, piles of cushions...

I tell him he must wake me up, and if he does he can have choc spread on tost for breakfast - didn't work.

I provide a big pit of mud and stuff at the top of the garden - he loves it, but it hasn't slowed him down.

I have tried setting my alarm for six, he started getting up even earlier, was exhausted and horrible for a week.

he consistantly ignores the things I ask him not to do, like 'Don't bring mables downstairs. Any marbles I find downstairs go in the bin. You can play with them in your bedroom.' - He now has no marbles left. Again.

What am I doing wrong here? There is a planet chart in WHSmiths that he covets - I have told him if he stays out of the ki6tchen for 7 mornings (and he has an extremely GOOD grasp of numbers!) I will buy it for him - he only managed 1!

Help meeee!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

wannaBe · 30/07/2007 14:03

my ds lost his favourite bear, the one he takes to bed, last year because he was terrorising the dog and I'd had enough of it. Bear went and sat on my wardrobe and ds had to take another toy to bed which made him ve sad, but I asked him why he couldn't have his bear and he told me, so i knew he knew what he'd done. The next morning at 6:00 ds came into my room and said "mummy, please can I have bear back? I promise I'll never be horrible to the doggies ever again". And while we've had the odd incident, the behavior towards the dogs was never on that level again.

cruel? perhaps, but by god did it get a result.

Original poster

EscapeFrom · 30/07/2007 14:03

I can't do that, wannabe, I can't put his stuffed toy dog in a box where he can't reach him. I just can't. I'd rather keep the door locked until he moves out. I will try the star chart though.

Thank you everyone, for all your tips.

OP posts:

ladylush · 30/07/2007 14:07

at your h/v. What a stupid woman! I can understand your logic re. baking but maybe when he has improved you could try focused time in the kitchen as a reward? My ds used to get eggs out of the fridge to look at them, then inevitably break them. He would also frequently open the fridge and interfere with the thermostat (ditto fast freeze button in freezer)but this all stopped when we started doing some cooking together. It could be a coincidence though.

ladylush · 30/07/2007 14:08

It would break my ds's heart if I took his attachment teddy away. I couldn't do that either.

Original poster

EscapeFrom · 30/07/2007 14:08

that's interesting about your son, LL, maybe I have been taking the wrong approach and it will lose it's mystery if I let him help.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 30/07/2007 14:09

escape, at your HV! It's obviously she who has mental health issues!

I think from what you're saying, that you're not being clear enough with your ds. I don't mean to sound negative because you sound the most patient parent there is. But I think he's showing you that telling him he's not having the PC that day, and that if he does this or that tomorrow he will get it, is just not clear or immediate enough for him.

My dh has worked with school age boys for many years and practically the only bit of parenting advice he believes in, is that boys in particular need clear, firm, consistent and fair boundaries.

If you find he's been in the kitchen, you IMMEDIATELY make a big noise about it and take him straight away from what he's doing; don't get into conversations or negotiations. He goes into time out.

Also, don't expect him to show remorse or ask for an apology; I think it's enough that he's experienced the consequence.

I do think time out is what I would do here. He's still doing what he's doing because he hasn't heard strongly enough that he mustn't.

HonoriaGlossop · 30/07/2007 14:10

oh and I also agree that letting him help in the kitchen is a VERY good idea.

snowleopard · 30/07/2007 14:10

Could you go over your HV's head and ask (given the circumstances, and that she's been in the wrong in the past) if there's another you could see? We have a really lovely one and she's such a help if we are having a problem.

snowleopard · 30/07/2007 14:14

(and I talk to myself as well. Even in the street sometimes. In fact I'm usually going over work things or trying to remember things but to anyone else I must look very odd)

ladylush · 30/07/2007 14:15

In your shoes EF I would try anything.

ladylush · 30/07/2007 14:16

I bet you can't wait for him to start school He does sound adorable though.

HonoriaGlossop · 30/07/2007 14:17

meant to say, before all the time out malarkey I would try a lockable bolt. Far better to make it impossible for him to do these things, than to try and 'train' him out of doing them.

OrmIrian · 30/07/2007 14:18

BTW how is the cat?

muppetgirl · 30/07/2007 14:23

Have to say he sounds a lot like my ds who is now 3.4. Back last year he moved his bedside cabinet around his room so he could get on his shelves (primarily to get the rabbit clock that once woken meant he could get up!) He showed me how to get out of the baby gate accross his room after we found him downstairs in dh's office having turned the computer on and pressing all manner of buttons.

He went downstairs and got the orange juice out of the fridge and took it into the sitting room and spilt it on the sofa. Did the same with the salt cellar.
Lets the dogs out so they can go and pee around the house.

Last week he took his upturned stool downstairs from our lving room into the kitchen.

Things have got better but we still have to keep an ear out for him.

I think what you have is what I do, an intelligent boy who is independent and just can't see what he is doing wrong. He wants a drink -so he gets one out of the fridge. His favourite phrase is ' ...but I don't want your help.'

We even talked about having a lock on his bedroom door to prevent him from hurting himself (we have a 3 storey house, he is above us and the kitchen is below us so LOTS of scope for dangerous activiy) but we thought this would be frowned upon.

vino4me · 30/07/2007 14:24

Why don't you get a massive piece of ply wood and get a male neighbour to bolt a variety of different locks and intrigued fiddly gadgets to it? Then tell him once he has opened them all he can come and show mummy coz she wants to see how clever DS is!He sounds like a genius!

lucyellensmum · 30/07/2007 15:12

don't worry escape from - i actually know of a woman who's son SET FIRE to her cat because he was jealous that his sister got a bike for her birthday. Now i have visions of the poor old moggie getting stuck in a small place becasue apparently they use their whiskers to guage space (well thats what my mum told me when i cut my cats whiskas off - no really).

But seriously, he sounds like a handful doesnt he. What time does he go to bed? I just wondered if he is overtired. I'm just making stabs in the dark really.

I notice someone suggesting a stair gate to which you said that he climbed over it. You could actually get a dog gate, exactly the same as a stair gate but about 5' high, although that would only really work if you are around and clearly he is getting up to all his mischief before you wake in the morning.

He does sound like a bright little chap, does he have enough to occupy him during the day, is he at nursery?

You did say that he was after a space chart in smiths but he only lasted one day. I thought that maybe if you made or bought from tesco a reward chart so that he could see his progress towards the big fat space chart he might be able to visualise in his head that he is working towards it. I dont usually hold with all the supernanny stuff but i think reward charts are great, especially if there are rewards at the end of it.

Sorry, im not much help really - just feel for you with such a live wire, and admire how you are coping TBH.

Original poster

EscapeFrom · 30/07/2007 15:53

he's not at nursery or anything at the moment - he starts school in September though.

Thank you all. My plan of action is a reward chart on the door. I will use it for a week, and if that doesn't work, I will buy a lockable bolt!

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 30/07/2007 15:58

I do think he sounds like a boy who will greatly benefit from the level of stimulation at school.

Not wishing to be defeatist or anything, but I'd just pop out and buy the bolt now, just in case

Original poster

EscapeFrom · 30/07/2007 16:03

Gosh HG you do sound like my dad, he said exactly the same thing - and that I was the same, but without the 'boyness'.

(were you someone else before being HonoriaGlossop?)

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 30/07/2007 16:23

oops, sorry, never a good thing to sound like someone's parent!

How very dare you, I have always been Honoria, and my fiance Bertie Wooster thinks it's a lovely name

ladylush · 30/07/2007 20:41

I think you deserve a very LARGE glass of wine in the evening Let us know how it all goes.

KerryMumbledore · 30/07/2007 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 30/07/2007 20:56

sleep in the kitchen...

my 18mth old has shown me he can climb out of his cot (when not in his grobag), will drag a chair to the computer desk so he can climb up & switch it on (doesn't know the password yet but has noticed if you press lots of keys during start up you can reset all sorts of stuff )..god help me when he's 4 .

LyraBelacqua · 30/07/2007 21:15

Sorry if this has already been said, but i think if you removed the mystery from the kitchen, he wouldn't be so determined to get in there. The very fact that it's locked and he's told so often not to go in there means it's like some kind of wonderland or forbidden fruit to him and he can't resist the temptation to go in. If you spent more time with him in there doing boring things together like washing up or cleaning the floor, maybe he'd lose interest in it.

Original poster

EscapeFrom · 30/07/2007 22:58

Well.

We made rice crispie cakes today - and guilt consumed me when I realised how much he enjoyed this, and how proud he is of his 'baking', and how i have denied him this

he also put the sausages on the grill tray, and felt he had cooked dinner.

And I have made him a den in the old travel cot, which he loves so may play in there tomorrow instead of fiddling...

OP posts:

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