Not a fun mum
aquarius1994 · 12/07/2019 18:56
Ok so I'm driving myself mad Cos I'm not a fun mum. Here's the deal. I'm a stay at home mum to my lovely 15 month old boy. We do go out every day but he's up at 6 and we may not leave until at least 9. I wake up and put on the music tv. I sit him on my knee and sing and do lots of eye to eye. Then I have a drink and he plays. When I join the playing, I stack blocks or whatever, he's not that bothered or smiley. He smiles and laughs if I bounce the ball or roll the ball or if I do physical throw baby in the air type stuff and tickles but actively getting down with just normal playing and he doesn't find me funny. Hubby on the other hand is the opposite as he's a big kid and it makes me sad but I just can't force myself to be funny
Anyone else in same boat or can offer words of wisdom
aquarius1994 · 12/07/2019 21:44
LollyBmummy3 · 14/07/2019 11:06
💕you don’t have to be funny. You’re trying your best and he’s loved and cared for. Stop giving yourself a hard time. It’ll probably become easier as he gets older and is able to interact more. I’m very similar, but I’m now on baby 3 and I now know what I’m good/natural at. My babies all loved me to dance with them to the radio, sing, read, arty stuff, kick a ball around and now the older ones like to cook/bake/bike rides. I used to feel I wasn’t doing enough too. Then my mum said to me, ‘you’re not a children’s entertainer’😂😂😂she also said she didn’t remember playing with me or my siblings much. Relax and enjoy your baby! 💕
theneverendinglaundry · 14/07/2019 12:26
I'm not a 'fun mum'. But I care for them, look after them the best I can, listen to them and talk to them. I'm not a killjoy but I'm also not a children's entertainer!
pikapikachu · 14/07/2019 16:26
Being able to make him laugh is not a sign of being fun. Think about your friends. I bet some of them are fun without being able to make you laugh?
Are you a SAHM who is comparing herself to a husband who sees baby 1-2 hours a night? Of course a bigger proportion of that will be laughing- it's a much shorter timeframe. You are doing a lot of things during the day that aren't funny like tidying, feeding, changing nappies, driving places... Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't forget that your h will have the advantage of novelty. Anybody who walks into the room will be fascinating for babies and that will make them more likely to laugh.
Do you get on with your mum? What sort of things do you live about her? I suspect it's stuff like being interested in what you like, listening to your problems and offering hugs when you're scared at night rather than the ability to put on silly voices or doing stuff like pouring dinner on your head for a laugh.
pikapikachu · 14/07/2019 16:29
I'm a mum of teens and if I asked them what they liked about me I suspect it's stuff like looking after them when they are ill and keeping their secrets that will feature high in the list. They laugh at me because we have that kind of teasing relationship rather than with me.
I bet you're doing a much better job than you think. X
aquarius1994 · 14/07/2019 20:01
Hi thanks a lot for all the replies they have reassured me. However I do have another query if anyone can reassure on this one
So yesterday my friend and her 3 kids 14,12 and 10 plus her newborn came to see us for the day. It was fun but a bit chaotic for my one I think. He had met them before but not regularly. The 10 year old was playing nicely with him.
I had to walk friend to bus stop and left my baby with hubby as it was near bed. So I said to hubby can u take him out if high chair for a quick cuddle with me before I leave. He took him out, held him for a minute, gave him to me and then he cried. This broke my heart but hubby assures me he was just tired, wanting bottle and it was a long day and no bother. Of course it's totally back to normal today.
Has anyone else ever had this or similar happen and is it normal so I shouldn't worry? I just felt like crying in the moment
theneverendinglaundry · 14/07/2019 20:15
Bless you, don't worry it is normal. Like your partner said, just tired after a busy day and probably wanting milk. It can be hard before they start talking as you are always havinf to guess what's going on in their heads!
LollyBmummy3 · 14/07/2019 20:26
Little one was just tired. You’re doing great!
aquarius1994 · 14/07/2019 20:57
Thanks guys. I'm such a worrier
aquarius1994 · 15/07/2019 07:45
Ok so one more query - am I being lazy? My son gets up around 6 although today it was 5.30 🙈 I do bottle and put baby tv on for him each morning for about half hour 40 mins while we try to wake up properly. Then I turn it off so it's normal adult tv like the music channels. We play for a bit then I have a shower ( he follows me in and sits and plays while waiting) and after that I do his breakfast. We play some more at the table. Reading etc. After that if I'm particularly tired (I'm about 7 weeks preg) then I did on the sofa playing music on my phone (nursery rhymes) but like today he was just sat there with me , not crying or whining but I did worry he was bored but equally I couldn't summon up the energy to do too much. He will nap from 10-12 and after that he's much more lively and we will either be out or in the garden exploring so my question is , are the morning routines ok how I do things? He's approaching 16 months
LollyBmummy3 · 15/07/2019 08:36
Yes, like my mum told me when I had my first ‘you’re not a children’s entertainer’ Sounds like you’re doing great, especially with being pregnant. He’ll be happy as long as he’s with you and you’re chatting and doing little bits together. I have to tell you, I didn’t particularly listen to my mum first time around. My full day revolved around my sons entertainment. The result is, he’s now 10 and is very needy of my attention. I’ve always got to be talking/looking listening to him or he’ll go in a strop!😩My middle child came along when he had not long turned 3, he’s a totally different child. He had to be, as Ds 1 still demanded so much of me. He can play alone, entertain himself and is a calmer child. I know this could just be coincidence, as people say you never get two alike. But my mum thinks it’s because of how I was with ds1 when he was little. He exhausted me completely, and that’s why we waited until he was 3 before having another. Obviously I love them all to bits, but I do worry how this attention seeking behaviour will affect him as he becomes an adult. Keep doing what you’re doing and try and relax a little and enjoy him. Congrats on baby!
LollyBmummy3 · 15/07/2019 08:37
Sorry that doesn’t sound right!😩😩😩I meant yes you’re doing great, not yes you’re being lazy!😩😩😩Forgive me, I’m exhausted with teething baby! 😴😴😴
theneverendinglaundry · 15/07/2019 08:51
@lolly my eldest is similar - she had me all to herself until 9 months, then dh and mil looked after her whilst I was at work. They didn't do anything other than look after her (no chores around the house or cooking) so she got very used to 1 to 1 attention. I really struggled when I had my son and became a sahm. She was very hard to handle at first, because she was so used to having constant attention.
I don't know if it is coincidental but she has never known how to play or do anything on her own.
aquarius1994 · 17/07/2019 16:40
OMG so me again original poster. I'm feeling guilty that I've not interacted much with my toddler today (16 months), we had 3 hours this morning but then I went back to bed as hubby was around. He played in the garden on his own with us watching him. Then we took him shopping for a couple hours and now we are back at 4pm and I feel like I've hardly had any interaction with him all day and am feeling awful
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