Stool withholding/pottt training

[sw41]

Hi I'm looking for some advice !

My just-turned three year old refuses to poop and I don't know what to do! This has been going on since January. She will hold it in until the very last minute until she can't hold it anymore. This will sometimes go on for days and she will be very upset and in pain (from holding it) until it comes out! I tell her that when the poop is out she'll feel so much better. It ruins day trips and outings because if she needs to poop all she will do is focus on not going, she will sit on the floor bouncing up and down saying 'I don't need to poop' 'poop go away' she is very determined and strong willed. We are currently trying to potty train. She is excellent at peeing in the potty and enjoys it and pretty much has 100% success. But pooping is another thing altogether. She is on stool softener and has been since Jan so I know she's not constipated, the pain she gets beforehand, I assume, is trying so hard to hold it in. She is not is pain while actually pooping. She refuses to poop in the toilet, the potty and her nappy.

I've tried bribery, stickers, buying presents, even ignoring the matter altogether but nothing seems to help.

Any help or suggestions? I’m going crazy trying to figure out what to do next.

Has this only happened Since potty training?

my DS really withheld once we started potty training. I know this will sound a bit gross, but In the end I just said you can poo here on the floor and I will hold onto you / cuddle you. He was quite distressed. And we went from there. I then put the poo in the potty and he helped me tip it into the toilet. Once he started going regularly he would still need a cuddle, but I could eventually sit him onto the potty. Prob took 2 weeks. Then one day he would just sit and do it. Occasionally he asks for cuddle still, now on the toilet, but hey he's 3.

There are various books you can read to them, but some are a bit too focused on things and I'm not sure a 3 year can understand them. We used Everybody Poos, which is about animals mainly and was recommend to me. Got it on amazon, nice illusions.

I will try the Everybody Poos book to see if that helps

She started withholding before potty training, we didn't attempt the potty training at first because of the withholding but then she started wanting to wee in the potty which is why we started. To be fair she has had a lot of changes recently from starting nursery to a new sibling so this may have had an impact.

She wouldn't go on the floor, not willingly. The thought of pooping horrifies her. It sounds totally disgusting but she will even put her fingers up her bum to try and stop it from coming out. She does a weird shuffle on the floor and she even stops walking (wanting to be carried) as she knows if she walks it will come out! She is not a particularly cuddly child, I try and cuddle her and tell her is ok and that she can go anywhere she wants but she gets angry and pushes me away.

When I'm desperate for her to go because i can see it hurting holding it in so bad I put her in the bath, this sometimes seems to help it along but the whole time she's shouting that she wants to get out and that she doesn't want the poo to come out.

When she's pooped she is very happy with herself saying 'I did a poo' and she can start playing properly again.

It's all a bit of a nightmare. It doesn't help that she is terribly strong willed and stubborn