My daughter hates me!

[Milliemoosey]

I honestly feel like my 8 year old daughter hates me! She speaks to me and her dad like absolute crap. Everything is a battle or an argument. For example I ask her to put her pj's on, the response straight away is NO! That's with everything we ask her to do! She always seems so miserable and angry when she's with me, I don't know what I do to make her feel like that. I've asked her if I upset her or make her feel sad and she says no. I've spoken to her teacher and he said she's fine at school and always happy. I've now taken her iPad away until further notice. We also have a 2 year old and she can be so mean to him but then so loving and caring towards him, and me and my partner. I just don't know what to do, help!

Hi Milliemoosey

Please don't feel like your daughter hates you - I am almost certain she doesn't. She may, however, be feeling disconnected from you and her dad.

I have found work by psychologist Gordon Neufeld and clinical counseller Deborah MacNamara (whose work is based on Neufeld's) to be extremely insightful and helpful. Basically, they believe that the root cause of the type of behaviour you describe is due to the child not being in 'right relationship' with their caregiver.

Dr MacNamara has some excellent resources on her website, organised by category. You might be interested in the ones under 'alpha', 'counterwill' and 'peer orientation' especially. Out of all the parenting stuff I've read, this is the material I keep coming back to. I hope it's helpful: macnamara.ca/kids-best-bet-blog/